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For Simplicity's Sake: Gay?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Nychthemeron, Jun 22, 2014.

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  1. Nychthemeron

    Nychthemeron
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    I'm not gay.

    Or, at least, I don't think I am.

    I pretty much already accepted asexuality as apart of me, however, my romantic orientation still remains a mystery. So I'm still searching.

    However, this isn't really a thread about my romantic orientation. It's about my presentation.

    I have a heavy preference towards men. Or maybe I'm exclusively attracted towards men. I don't think I've met any woman that made me feel the same way, and I generally find men more attractive.

    Does this make me gay?

    According to many definitions, gay is only used for homosexual people. I'm not homosexual. I'm asexual. But my romantic orientation? I'm pretty sure it has some sort of "homo-" prefix going on, or at least a "with a preference for men" clarification attached.

    A lot of people aren't aware of this, however, so when I tell them I'm attracted to men, they automatically assume it's sexual and label me gay.

    I'm not exactly upset about this. In fact, I think it may make things a little easier and less complicated. However, I'm not sure if I should even use that label, because it feels misleading. And because I don't think I'm gay.

    Any input is greatly appreciated.
     
    #1 Nychthemeron, Jun 22, 2014
  2. stocking

    stocking Guest

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    You could just say your a homoromantic asexual .
    because that shows who you like to have relationships with even though your asexual .
     
    #2 stocking, Jun 22, 2014
  3. Nychthemeron

    Nychthemeron
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    I suppose I could, but asexuality isn't really a known thing, and if they aren't aware of it, it'll bring up things like, "Asexuality doesn't exist, man, you just haven't found the right person!" and "You're just too young, believe me" and "What? You mean like a plant?" and I don't think anyone wants to deal with that.
     
    #3 Nychthemeron, Jun 22, 2014
  4. stocking

    stocking Guest

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    Are people really that simple minded ?:confused:
     
    #4 stocking, Jun 22, 2014
  5. Nychthemeron

    Nychthemeron
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    Unfortunately. But thanks for the suggestion anyway! Should've been the first thing I thought of, but my thinking skills aren't legendary. Haha.
     
    #5 Nychthemeron, Jun 22, 2014
  6. stocking

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    Your welcome :icon_bigg
     
    #6 stocking, Jun 22, 2014
  7. YuriBunny

    YuriBunny
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    Gay can mean 'homoromantic' or 'homosexual'. For you, it can mean homoromantic. If you're romantically attracted to guys, you can still say you're gay and not bother with telling people you're asexual unless it comes up in conversation.
     
    #7 YuriBunny, Jun 22, 2014
  8. Nychthemeron

    Nychthemeron
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    Well, I suppose that does make things simpler. Is this a recent change or has it always been that way? Or maybe a personal definition?
     
    #8 Nychthemeron, Jun 22, 2014
  9. stocking

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    I don't think homoromantic and homosexual is the same thing
    homromantic means your romantic orientation or to make it simpler you get romantic feelings for the same sex it says nothing about who your sexually attracted to just who you like being in a relationship with . You can be bisexual and homromantic demixsexual and romantic
    homosexual is when you only feel sexual and romantic attraction to the same sex .
    both is not the same .
    but I think in this case you can use gay even if it's not accurate even if your asexual .

    romantic orientation who you like to date and have a relationship with
    sexual orientation who you enjoy sleeping with and are sexually attracted to .
     
    #9 stocking, Jun 22, 2014
  10. Nychthemeron

    Nychthemeron
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    I agree with this, and I'm shamelessly bumping this up because I'm curious to see what others think about this.

    Who here doesn't want someone who isn't really gay calling themselves gay?

    Or, who here doesn't want someone who isn't really homoromantic calling themselves homoromantic?
     
    #10 Nychthemeron, Jul 3, 2014
  11. TheStormInside

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    I think if you're attracted to men exclusively you can for simplicity's sake call yourself gay. You're right that homoromantic asexual is long and confusing, and as long and confusing as it is your explanation every time it comes up will need to be longer. Not everyone needs to know your exact sexual desires or lack thereof. I would say it's only really important to divulge your asexuality when you're dealing with someone you may have a potential relationship with. Or, I suppose, if it's someone close to you and you just want them to know about it.
     
    #11 TheStormInside, Jul 3, 2014
  12. Nychthemeron

    Nychthemeron
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    How about if you just have a heavy preference for men?

    By definition, I'm probably panromantic, but I hate calling myself that for some reason. It feels too broad. But, homoromantic feels too small.

    Stupid labels! :tears:
     
    #12 Nychthemeron, Jul 3, 2014
  13. TheStormInside

    TheStormInside
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    That's a bit harder, as I feel like I'm in a similar position in regards to women. I definitely understand your frustration. I think the best answer I can give is that if you feel you are kind of toeing the line between gay and pan it's up to you what you want to call yourself. Maybe one question you can ask yourself is- do you see yourself ever being with a woman? Or would you only be with a man?
     
    #13 TheStormInside, Jul 3, 2014
  14. Nychthemeron

    Nychthemeron
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    Thanks.

    When I imagine my future, I imagine it with a man. However, I know that I will be able to have a nice life with a woman if I fell in love with one.

    I'm a person who believes that you can't help who you fall in love with, and since it just so happens I'm... well, pan, it's totally possible I will love a woman, even if I prefer guys.
     
    #14 Nychthemeron, Jul 3, 2014
  15. TheStormInside

    TheStormInside
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    Hm... well that does sound more panromantic or biromantic. Have you ever been in love with a man before? How about a woman?
     
    #15 TheStormInside, Jul 3, 2014
  16. Nychthemeron

    Nychthemeron
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    I don't think I have any doubt I'm panromantic. I just don't want to label myself as panromantic because, as I said before, it's way too broad for me. It probably sounds really bad, but the truth is that I'm mainly attracted to men, and I consider being attracted to any other gender as "exceptions" when they aren't.

    As for being in love, no. I haven't been in love with anyone, unless you count a weird queerplatonic crush, which is sort of like a gray area between friendship and romantic attraction. I had it on a girl, but I couldn't imagine myself actually being with her. It was like a "man, I really want to be your friend forever, please stay my friend" more than a "I want you to be my girlfriend and I want to live with you" sort of thing.
     
    #16 Nychthemeron, Jul 3, 2014
  17. TheStormInside

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    Consider if you label yourself gay or homoromantic, though.. that you fall in love with a woman. What then? Will you adjust your label? Consider her an "exception"? And what if calling yourself gay when you are really pan ends up meaning you miss opportunities with females? Would you be ok with that?
     
    #17 TheStormInside, Jul 3, 2014
  18. Nychthemeron

    Nychthemeron
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    Gosh, for some reason, this is making me really stressed.

    I apologize if I hurt anyone's feelings, but I think I will honestly consider her an exception, even though she isn't. It's just that I feel like I will be happier with a man, and that I feel more attraction towards men. I don't know why. For the same reason as everyone else, I guess. No reason. Or at least no reason I know of.

    I think I will be okay with that, but I don't think it would really happen either. I don't plan on flaunting the gay/homoromantic label, and I'm also demiromantic, so chances are, if they like me and I like them, they'll understand that I'm not actually homoromantic/gay.
     
    #18 Nychthemeron, Jul 3, 2014
  19. Akane

    Akane
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    My sentiments exactly.

    Take a look at this chart and fill it out yourself, it's pretty therapeutic.

    Updated Spectrum Chart
     
    #19 Akane, Jul 3, 2014
  20. Nychthemeron

    Nychthemeron
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    Thanks. I'll take a look at it.
     
    #20 Nychthemeron, Jul 3, 2014
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