So a few weeks back, I wrote on this forum about this experience I had at this bar. Long story short, I had had a few drinks and this guy came up to me and started hitting on me. One thing led to another and before I knew it, he was giving me a blowjob in the bathroom. The responses I got back were mixed but I got a lot that said that it was no big deal because it was a blowjob. So I viewed those comments and realized they were right. I accepted that I might have some homosexual feelings but realized that there was no way I was gay. To even prove this to myself, I hooked up with a couple girls that I really liked and it was great. Unfortunately, over the past week, I've been having some issues. It begins when I am preparing to go to sleep. I'll be laying in bed and all of a sudden I'll start fantasizing about having crazy sex with different guys. After an hour of fantasizing, I have to masturbate but I cant without touching my ass or fingering myself. Once I have done this, then I'm able to fall asleep but then my dreams are continuations of my fantasies that I'm having before I can fall asleep. When it comes to porn, I've pretty much given up on straight porn because the only thing that has turned me one for the past week has been gay porn. On top of that, I find myself looking a lot at of pictures of the outlines of guys dicks. Even when I'm walking on the street, the first thing I look at is the guys pants to see if i can see the outline. For me, the thing is that I got a bj from a guy but I don't think I could ever actually have sex with a man but I'm unsure because all the signs tell me that I'm gay. I know a lot of people say don't concern yourself with labels but the thing is, I don't think I will ever be truly honest with myself until I can label myself. Once I can be true to myself, then I can live my life without having these questions that just seem to float around my brain 24/7. Thanks for reading. Any advice would be helpful.
Hi MEP only you can answer this question, and you will find out through actual experience. Personally I have not even kissed a guy as yet, well in my mind hundreds of times but not in the real world, but I already know that I'm either bisexual or gay. Right now I'm leaning towards the latter. Guys are so, well, alluring. But if you have doubts, the only way you will clarify them is to meet up with a guy you like, and, well, experiment...make sure you practice safe sex now, ok? Other than that , enjoy.
I feel exactly like you regarding the label mate, it's a big source of anxiety for me. Let's lay this out simply, you enjoy oral sex with males and sex with females. Recently you have been watching and fantasizing a lot about gay sex and checking out males. From what I've read here, you are bisexual. Personally, when I try really really hard to work out what my feelings are I always manage to sabotage myself. As hard as it is, just try accepting for maybe a month that you have no label and see what you feel, and then after that you can decide based on the attractions you felt.
Hi, I remember your earlier thread, but not what I said at the time, so forgive me if I end up repeating (or contradicting) myself. One of the things that very often happens as people start to open up to the idea that they may not be straight is... as they do so, their same-sex feelings suddenly start to grow pretty quickly and intensely. This can be really disconcerting, because it can go from "Well, I'm mostly straight but find mild interest in guys" to "WTF? Where did my interest in women go?" The reality is, there's no actual change in your orientation. All that happens is, as you open the door, the real, honest feelings start to surface and become more available to you. In your case, one of the things I'd ask yourself -- which may not be easy to get an honest answer right now -- is, with regard to the girls you hooked up with, how much of the experience was truly present and enjoyable, to the extent you felt really turned on and excited by the girls, and how much of it was more the physical stimulation of sex and the sensations that come from it. There are plenty of gay (or mostly gay) guys who can have sex with a girl and get off... but when they really look at it, they find that they're not really "present" during sex and their mind might be wandering to thoughts about some guy... or else, it's fine physically, but sort of ho-hum emotionally. That sort of thing would be pretty common for someone who is gay, or mostly gay, and just really opening up to that exploration. Now on the other hand, if you're really into the sex with the girls, connected, emotionally present, and find their bodies attractive and yourself attracted to them... then clearly you're bi. And then, finally, when considering any of this stuff, you also have to consider the pesky possibility that you could be gay, but your conscious and unconscious could be arguing with one another, because you really don't want to be gay (because, let's face it, nobody does when they first consider that possibility.) So if you find yourself justifying why you're straight or mostly straight... you might be right, or you might be in the stages of processing things. (stages of loss = denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance.) When you find yourself intensely fantasizing about guys, masturbating with anal play, and only watching gay porn... the combination of those things, for most people anyway, would probably lead more to the conclusion that you're gay, or perhaps a Kinsey 5 (on a 0 to 6 scale, 0 being straight). I can't say that's the case -- only you can figure that out for yourself -- so give it some thought and please keep talking about it and asking questions because that's the best way to figure it out.
To me, you sound like you're bisexual with a preference for guys. You have mentioned going out with a girl and saying it was great, but you still have fantasies involving guys. That's just my opinion though. At the end of the day, only you can decide your sexuality. Good luck.
