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How to be more accepting of yourself?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Tardis221B, Jun 27, 2014.

  1. Tardis221B

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    I'm slowly, but surely accepting that I'm either bi with a preference for women, or a lesbian.

    I'm gradually stopping questioning myself, but there are still days where I regress and fall back into old habits. And it is extremely annoying because every time I just end up with the same answer, so I know it will just be a waste of energy. Every time I come to the same conclusion that I have, "just a small amount of attraction to men, and it's probably not enough that I'd act on it. Especially, since my attraction to women is strong and pronounced."

    Anyways this just getting really annoying and I want it to stop. I just want to be able to accept myself and move on with my life. (7 months of questioning almost everyday is too exhausting and I just want it to be done) :eusa_doh:

    I also think I'm having a hard time of breaking another old habit: confusing my platonic attraction to men for romantic attraction. :dry:

    Any advice or tips on how to be more accepting of yourself and how to transition from the questioning stage into a more accepting mindset (or at least one with less doubt) would be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. pahbee

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    You sound like a Kinsey 5. Since you wouldn't act on your feelings for men, I'm suspecting that you wouldn't be happy with a male partner in the long run.

    Personally I would see you as gay. But you are technically bisexual, with your small amount of attraction to men. My opinion is... bisexual if you would give guys a chance and gay if you wouldn't. Lets people know what they need to know. You can always elaborate if needed. (But of course it's your choice what to identify as. )
     
  3. Linux Lenny

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    If you feel that you are attracted to women more than men and you see your future only with a woman then you are gay .
     
  4. stocking

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    Sounds like you could be gay if your not sure how you feel about men you might be gay
    This is why I think some kinsey scale 5 can be gay or lesbian to me it depends on how the person defines it . I say maybe don't try to label so fast and still try to figure out how you feel about both men and women .
     
  5. wanderinggirl

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    What process do you go through when you start re-questioning? Do you doubt the vailidty of your attraction to men or to women? What goes through your mind when you're second-guessing yourself?
     
  6. wandergirl

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    Maybe coming out to more friends/people can help. it helped me.
    I dated guys till one year and a half ago but two years ago i started questioning.
    At first i thought: oh maybe i'm bi. but after losing interest in some guys i was like: nah, totally gay.
    But then i still ask myself the same question sometimes: i'm not totally not attracted to guys. i could kiss them and even get naked, but i wouldn't be that turned on. So what i think is: i'm a lesbian but i'm not totally closed to the possibility of dating a guy again.

    We don't need to label our orientation. You can accept you like girls and leave it for time and future experiences to decide how willing you would be to have a relationship with a guy.
     
  7. Tardis221B

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    Thanks everyone for your responses I really appreciate it. (*hug*)

    I think I have a very mild form of HOCD that's causing me to worry that I'm straight. (trust me I know that it sounds as ridiculous and irrational as it is, but I'm working on breaking this bad habit.) For the most part I'm questioning my attraction to men, I see a guy and few minutes later I'll ask myself if I found him attractive, and then the cycle keeps repeating until I envision a future with him and see that it wouldn't work out.

    In the past I 'questioned' my attraction to women, but once I realized I was attracted to women, I've never really questioned it. Sure, when I was in denial I would wonder, "Do I find her attractive? No, no, I just think she's one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen, but no." Very rarely do I question or 'test' my attraction to women like I do with men. Now, if I feel attracted to a woman, I don't get stressed. I just accept it.

    I guess I'm having a harder time accepting that I'm not as attracted to men as most women are. Then I'm also having trouble getting over the stereotypes. My doubt isn't as bad as it was in the past, but constantly hearing people talk about the stereotypes around me makes me doubt myself and wonder, once again, if I belong to the community.

    Any tips on how stop thinking you have to "fit the stereotype" to belong to the LGBT+ community?
     
  8. Kaiser

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    This is easier said than done, but it's what I follow.

    Be, or begin to become, the person you would like in your life. You don't need to fit into any stereotype or label, because none of us will fit 100%. Labels are just to make it quicker and easier to explain things or ourselves, and shouldn't be used to box yourself.

    Be who you are, and focus on significant areas of your life. School, employment, finances, and friends and family. Let everything come along and fall into place, then react accordingly. Trying to solve all of life's problems at once, is not only going to deny you of precious time you could be living, it will often times distract you from potential opportunities or influences.

    If you like a woman, okay, you like a woman. If you like a man's nose, well, you like a man's nose. If you like Reese's cups over Reese's bars, fuck it, you like cups over bars. If you aren't comfortable with something, try to find out why, but don't force yourself into something, if it goes against what makes you feel comfortable or happy. There is a difference between challenging yourself and making yourself.

    Being kind, helpful, and supportive, are all just a few things, you can always be, no matter what.

    I apologize if I came off as After School Special status, LOL.
     
  9. girlpower

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    i believe once you are really with 'someone' (preferably a girl as i read your first message) you would know what you want or what you have wanted all this time. wait for that moment :slight_smile: until then happy finding that someone special.
     
  10. Tardis221B

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    Thanks you two :slight_smile:

    Kaiser: No, don't worry. Actually I very much enjoy getting advice like that. I always find it to be very helpful. Thanks.

    girlpower: thanks for your support. Yeah I think a big challenge for me has been that I've never been in a relationship. So all or most of my understanding has had to be done through imaginary scenarios. But I most definitely am looking forward to finding the right girl for me.

    And guess the last big hurdle I'm trying to get over is the fact that I can love my best guy friend, more than anyone in the world, but not have any romantic or physical attraction to him. I guess I'm still trying to break down the stigma that boy and girl best friends = they should get married. Which I know isn't the case, but its just one of those things perpetuated by society . . .
     
  11. YuriBunny

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    That definitely messed with my head when I was younger. I used to think I had crushes on boys back then, just because I was friends with them and they were nice to me. Eventually I realized the way I was beginning to feel about girls was completely different from that, because there was more romantic, emotional, physical, and sexual attraction. I could only see myself with a girl.

    You sound to me like a Kinsey 5 lesbian.