What exactly is demisexual?

"the things the guys are doing may turn me on but I've never once liked the thought of being there with them" // <-- exactly how I feel about porn, and I wondered myself about it.

Although I can't contribute about the definition of demisexual anything that you couldn't find on its wikipedia article... I ended up thinking that, for myself, the fact that porn can turn me on despite my extreme selectivity of attraction in real life for real people, depends on a twofolds factor:

1. porn is to real sex what the transcription of a sound wave is to music. Can be playable but, per se, lacks a lot of stuff: the smell, the pheromones, the emotions, the set and setting, the tactile part -- all those little or big things that can make or break a real sexual encounter. Our brain somewhat fills in the missing bits, or makes without them, so, so to speak, congeniality is almost guaranteed
2. real sex, with its closeness, need for opening up, vulnerability etc, can be a bit scary. Porn is not scary. You can tune out in a split second and nobody's feelings get hurt. It's as innocuous as pure imagination, so it's probably much easier to let oneself be turned on.

So, for the above reasons, I wouldn't use porn too much to define one's sexuality or asexuality. I mean, reacting to porn means you've got a healthy sexual drive, and this is about it, I guess? Therefore you might still be a demisexual, I reckon.

(but again, I am still perplexed about that word. It seems to mean that you have to love a person at least a bit to be attracted to them, as opposite as being attracted 'at first sight', but then any infatuated person on Earth would fit such definition, possibly...)

 

Demisexual basically means that you don't really get sexually attracted to people unless you have a strong emotional bond with them. Like I'm a demi homo bisexual, which means that I may find girls physically attractive, but sexually and romantically, I would need an emotional bond first. Guys I don't seem to have a problem with...

Hope that helped a little

 

Basically, no sexual attraction without emotional bond. I wouldn't count porn, porn just gets us off, it has nothing to do with what we're sexually attracted to.

 

Hmmm I'm just looking up demisexual lol... thinking I may be demisexual towards girls, and demi-romantic (is there such a thing) towards guys?

 

I don't know if it's necessarily some distinct type of sexuality and I'm not too keen on the designation itself but I too cannot and I mean cannot become aroused without emotional connection however have no issues masturbating with porn!!! I've had cases where I've been with " hot guys" and was just limp, no arousal what so ever!! So I don't do that at all anymore since I know what to expect. I do not think it is something that is necessarily odd or even uncommon but I think we live in such a hyper sexualised society that has this vapid obsession with materialism, we overestimate physical traits in attraction and don't value the psychology and emotional aspects of sex enough!!! Think about all these couples on fifty year marriages who wouldn't dream of cheating on each other; they're out there or being in relationship and not being attracted to anyone else!! I'm not attracted to looks in fact they don't factor at all ( with the exception of someone who looks very sick/unwell or maintains poor hygiene but that's not a function of any type of looks) and have never been, I remember so many of my freinds saying "bullshit!" whenever I've said that but it is how I've always been!!!

 

I hate to say it, but I somewhat agree. I find it a bit sad that people think that our hook-up culture is SO prevalent that anybody who isn't aroused by a stranger is somehow unusual and needs a new sexuality label.

 

Omg yes , I've experienced this , just today I told my friend who is bi that this straight guy kept hitting on me and she was like why didn't you sleep with him and I was like what? and I said girl I'm a lesbian i'm not attracted to men but she views hooking up as nothing even with women she gets upset at me when I say I want a relationship with another woman .

 

I can't really speak for anyone else, but for me, demisexuality is very real and a helpful label to understand myself. I've seen way too many people invalidate demisexuals and try to tell us we don't exist, even (or maybe especially) within the LGBT+ community. To hell with that, I'll identify as whatever feels right and makes me more comfortable in my skin. To respond to OP's actual question, you may very well be demi, porn has very little to do with it. I can be aroused by porn even though I feel almost zero sexual attraction to anyone but one person. Asexuality is a whole wide spectrum so I say explore your identity and try on labels until you find something that fits.

 

People are bullying Demisexuals now
when will we stop just leave people be :tantrum:
I think it's real by the way

 

I have to agree with you here Chip your right it's not bullying come to think of it people on here also call others judgmental and mean and tell them to mind their business when they question things so I was doing the same thing here but I understand what you mean people are just trying to learn more about it and also yes their questioning and just because they are doesn't mean their judgmental or bullying . so thanks for pointing this out to me . I think people have a right to have an opinion on things . I mean like what you described kinda of reminds me of church when anyone who questioned anything on the bible or religion was seen as a bad person or even called devil worshiper . so what you said make sense I kinda feel bad because I was being a hypocrite because this is thrown at me a lot when i question or put my opinion on things and now i'm doing it too :icon_sad:

 

Old post, but I felt this needed a response.
Demisexuality is not just that you

It's that you feel no sexual attraction whatsoever, 0 nada, to anyone, until/unless you have a (strong) emotional connection with them.
Demisexual people, for example, never experience the feeling of being turned on by a random person on the street or wanting to have sex with such a person.
We don't get the "I'd hit that" feeling.

---------- Post added 30th Aug 2014 at 12:37 AM ----------

Critical analysis is fine, bring it on.
But dismissing identities jus because they haven't yet been acknowldged or accepted in scientific literature is rather simplistic thinking.
I'm not saying you're doing this, but a lot of other people are using this as a fallacious excuse.

 

For me, demisexual means that you don't have any attraction to physical features or personality, but rather a strong emotional bond attracts you. It's supposed to be half-asexual and half-sexual. Only wanting sex with someone you're close to is WAY too vague since this is 90% of the population. It's a helpful label to me because people don't understand why I've never had a celeb crush, why I have no attraction to strangers and why flirting/being asked for my number is awkward...

As for porn, I don't count it. Anybody can like any kind of porn.

 

When I think of demisexual this is generally what I think:

There's normal sexual attraction, where someone can walk past a person and go 'oh, hey! They're cute!' And they'd be able to have sex with that person, and just generally find them fully attractive.

Then there's Asexual, where you can walk past a person and not even notice how cute they are, and not attracted to them and wouldn't want to have sex with them.

Demisexual is somewhere between that. You can walk past a person and not feel any attraction for them, but when you get to know them you find yourself more attracted to them.

I believe that I'm a demisexual, as I don't really find anyone attractive. But with my crush at the moment I am quite attracted to her ^^ I think a lot of people are overthinking this.

 

okay I am glad it isnt just me, when I read the definition for demisexual I could only think, "isnt this seriously most people?". I dont know where people live that they think everyone wants to hook up after eye contact all the time but it sure isnt Texas lol, like its fine if people are into that but I really dont think theyre the majority or anything and are generally upfront about it anyway.

 

I have to agree with Chip to a point. I agree with his following statement.

I used to identify as demi. I identified as demi for about 6 months before I came to terms that I am not demi but actually Bi. It was helpful for the time being and allowed me to further my exploration my sexuality. Upon my 6 months of exploration I realized I was not demi, but Bi, though if it was not for the 6 months of exploration it might have taken me a lot longer to discover that I am infact Bi, and possibly pan.