For the past few years, I have been questioning if I am gay. Here is the deal: I love watching gay porn, and fantasizing about gay sex. Thinking about girls or watching straight/lesbian porn usually does close to nothing for me. However, I am usually not attracted to guys in real life. I have mostly had crushes on girls, and feel much more attracted to girls than guys. I catch myself checking out girls much more than guys. Sometimes, I have even really wanted to have sex with girls I knew. I am kind of a loner, so my reduced social interaction could also be contributing to my confusion. I feel like one of the things that I like so much about gay fantasies is how taboo they are(I cannot tell whether the arousal is genuine or because of this). It could be because one of my biggest fantasies was having sex with a clone of myself. I can't really say I have ever had romantic feelings for a guy, although I sometimes feel pretty strongly about a friendship with a guy(ie want to hang out with them a lot, etc). I feel like if I were straight, I would be getting aroused by looking at the female anatomy more. I can't tell whether I am getting of on the taboo aspect of being gay or am hiding a large part of my feelings for guys. So, do you folks have any idea of what my orientation may be? I have heard the term homosexual heteroromantic before, but that bothers me, because I dislike the split between the two. And I get that ultimately, I am the one who really knows. Just wondering whether any of this sounds familiar.
Hey man ~ You sound pretty much like me in the past and somewhat present.. Probably you have a really specific type of guys for whom you feel sexual attraction. Same thing with me. I am attracted to only around 5-10% of all males around me (really feminine guys) which made me think if I am gay. Moreover, I do consider a lot of girls cute, but I guess I am not attracted to them in a sexual way. But well, do you sexually objectify girls like all straight guys do? If not, then you are not straight. However if you do, then you can be at least bisexual. The root is that if you force yourself to think that you want to have sex with girls or you really want to have sex with them.
I can relate to this, this is exactly how I felt when I was in my teens. First of all, let's think about it this way: there is no right or wrong. Let's say that hypothetically there was no "right way" to be. Homosexuals and heterosexuals were accepted equally and there was no discrimination for either. Would to still have these crushes and/or fantasies of other males? How about females? Both? It's a scary territory to question yourself and how you feel. And the truth is that most people take a while to fully understand themselves. But I, along with everyone here, will tell you that there is nothing wrong with any of the fantasies or feelings. You are exactly who you are. And sometimes it's hard but we need to learn to accept who we are despite what society may think. Basically what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't worry exactly if you're gay or not. What you should do instead is find peace with yourself and understand that any of these questioning thoughts are normal. Go with what you feel is right and what feels natural to you. One person could say "yeah, you're gay" and could make you believe it when you're not. Another can say "no, you're straight" and could do the same thing. I can't give you a straight answer because we're all different and sometimes we aren't even sure of ourselves. But you are with friends who accept you and want nothing but you to feel comfortable with yourself. Give it time and see where your mind lingers. Don't be so worried about labels and just be you. You're better than any label could label you as.
