I've known I was attracted to men for most of my life, but I am very stubborn about accepting it because I feel intimidated. I've tried to force myself to not act on it and I'm going nuts. Does anyone have similar experience? I remember seeing other people's behavior and trying to model it - basically anybody who seemed happier than me - and the copycat behavior has really messed up my sense of self. I'm quiet and indoorsy, and happiest when I stay pretty androgynous in a nerdy sort of way. What has helped other, well, shut ins gradually find a way to re-socialize?
Let's get the main point out of the way - there's nothing wrong with being indoorsy/nerdy/shy/introverted. Some of the happiest and most successful people in the world are introverts. You did the right thing in realising that copying other people doesn't work. You have to be yourself and find your own happiness. Perhaps start off by investigating what your strengths are and how you can use them. e.g. Work out which forms of communication you feel most comfortable with. If - like me - you don't like talking that much or talking on the phone; then use chat, sms, e-mail, facebook, typing etc when you can. It can be as simple as that. Most "internal" people seem to like to know WHY they think and feel the way they do. If you can't figure it out for yourself or through reading or meditating - as a starting point - I'd suggest seeking a trained therapist/counseller or even one of those free telephone counselling lines for LGBTIQ people. They're generally trained to ASK you the right questions to help you figure yourself out for yourself. Just one right question could birth the epiphany that you need. Peace! (*hug*)
