I've always considered myself bisexual, but lately I'm not so sure. In high school I had a girlfriend . When I told my parents about it they flipped out Lifetime Movie style. I was pulled out of an all girls catholic school, they threatened to call the cops (over a two year age difference that placed her and I on different sides of legal consent), and even offered her money to stay away. A few days later was the first time I tried to commit suicide. The years went by and I dated guys, mostly just buying into my parents' theory that I had been experimenting and she had lured me in somehow against my will, but that I obviously wasn't a lesbian because they would know if I was. A lot of time was spent in these years trying not to stare at other girls and avoiding physical touch whenever I could. In my mid 20's I began dating a guy who had a very accepting group of friends who criss-crossed the spectrum of sexuality. I must have stopped trying to hide my attraction to women so much because one of his friends asked him if I was bisexual. There was a lot of crying involved as I told my story the first time and my boyfriend at the time was incredibly kind and empathetic. He helped me to realize that I hadn't done anything wrong and that, if anything, I should be angry about the way the situation was mishandled. I stopped hiding my sexuality, started embracing and accepting it and started to feel happier. Since he and I stopped dating I've dated both guys and girls. I'm dating a guy right now and it's new, but I don't have that new relationship high. I find that while with him I'm still checking out women over his shoulder, flirting with my yoga instructor and lesbian friends and generally just feeling very indifferent about this new relationship. He's a guy who I've known for a while and who I always said I had a crush on. But when we were having sex last week I found myself thinking that I couldn't wait for him to finish and that he could be any other guy and I wouldn't care either way. And, to be honest, I've felt that way about almost every guy every time I have sex with a guy. It's like I want it to be over with before it has even begun. If I truly am bisexual shouldn't I have more desire for men? Or any desire at all? I like guys. I have a ton of male friends, but none that I want to sleep with. I'm very confused and I really thought I was done being confused about my sexuality. I have a hard time talking to friends about this and my closest friends just wouldn't understand. I'm hoping someone here can help me. Please.
Did you always have this lack of desire for sex with males? Even as a teen? Did you crave males and masterbate to them as well?
I lost my virginity to a girl when I was a teen. I've always had crushes on guys, but if/when it leads to sex I'm over it. I masturbate to guys and girls, but mostly only to guys if they're with two girls.
