So since I was in middle school, I sort of questioned the idea that I was straight. I know I'm attracted to guys- I've had intense emotional attractions to a few. I'm physically attracted to them too, but usually only after feelings have developed for them. I always dismissed the idea of being bisexual because I wasn't attracted to any girls I actually knew. Recently, though, I realized this might be partly because women make me so uncomfortable. As I've gotten more comfortable with the idea of bisexuality, I've noticed my own actions and thoughts more. I don't find many women attractive- but then, I don't find many men attractive, either. However, if I find a girl really pretty, I'll catch myself staring a lot. I try not to, but it's really hard when she has gorgeous eyes, soft hair, etc. Whenever I'm turned on, I think about women and that turns me on more than anything else. I've never been deeply interested in one, though, and I don't know if that's due to my lack of emotional attraction (since that makes a person more physically attractive to me) combined with how uncomfortable and creepy it makes me feel (even though I've never had anything against other bisexuals) or that I've just been convincing myself that I'm bisexual. Thoughts?? Who else has had experiences like this? "Bisexual" feels very black and white to me and it's so frustrating.
Well the first test you can do is is answer this. Do you feel attracted to girls in anyway or to any degree? Next, do you find yourself attracted to guys in anyway or to any degree? If the answer to both of these is yes, then you can label yourself as bisexual if you so choose. You see being bisexual just means you have the capacity to be attracted to people of all genders. This doesn't mean you have to be attracted to both genders in the same way, at the same time or to the same degree. Some people have phases of alternating between one and the other gender at different times whilst others don't. Some are 50/50 attracted to men and women whilst some have a preference towards one over the other. You say you you don't find many women or men attractive. That's fine, it just means you have your own unique tastes in both, which is completely normal. To iterate this, let me give you my own example. I don't have a preference of women over men or vice versa. However it is more likely I'd find a girlfriend than a boyfriend. The reason is, I have a very broad and general taste in women, but a very specific taste in the type of guy I'd find. However, if you put mr and mrs perfect (as per my tastes) in front if me, I would find it exceptionally difficult to choose. So as you see, it's not always straight up black and white. Everyone has their own unique preferences. The thing it, try not to get too hung up on the labels. The important thing is you be honest and true to yourself. If you are attracted to someone, and you are comfortable with it, then don't let gender be an issue in the matter and appreciate them for who they are rather than what they are. I know it can be confusing at first. Many if us have been through this. I too had to get comfortable with being bisexual so I could honestly reflect and evaluate my actions and feeling on the matter. This is also a normal process, and again the key is being honest with yourself, no matter what you discover. I hope that helps somewhat. If you have any further questions, either respond on this thread or feel free to write on my wall. Happy days
I can relate to where you're coming from. I don't find many girls sexually attractive, but I still find them physically pretty. I don't find many guys sexually attractive either, but I can still notice a cute guy or feel romantic attraction to one. Bisexual is actually a very grey area because there are so many nuances to it that we still haven't figured out. It's quite common to be attracted to either sex/gender to varying degrees and to have different types of feelings for both. The term "bisexual" just means that you're sexually attracted--to whatever degree--to both sexes. Whether it's accompanied by romantic attraction or not is purely dependent on the person.
I know how you feel. My advice is for you to find someone you know and trust and talk it out with them. I talked about it with my best friend and now boyfriend every day for a month before I was certain and we still talk about it at least once a week and I came out in March. It can be black and white for some and for others it's more gray
Welcome lilylana, I understand the desire to be able to classify your orientation, but really, only time and actual experience can tell. First you need to explore this side of yourself - to whatever extent it exists, and I am not saying this exploration need be physical, it could just involve fantasy, etc - and only after that, can you reasonably give yourself a neat and tidy 'label', if you so wish. Or not, as the case may be. Some folks neither like labels, nor accept them, at any time. In my own case, I have not even kissed a guy as yet, seriously! - and yet, from a few months ago to now, I feel as though I'm inhabiting a very different world sexually, just from allowing myself to explore via fantasy etc the attraction I feel towards guys. To sum up: exploration comes first, labelling second - in my opinion, but then again, I've only accepted my bi / gayness for a few months, so maybe I'm just talkin' through my hat here... Damien
Thanks everyone, this is really helpful... it's frustrating but hopefully I'll figure it out at one point.
I'm actually very similar to you. I always questioned being straight starting at about age 14, although it took me until this year to firmly realize that I'm bisexual. Part of it was that I was only attracted to very few women, but same as you, I'm only attracted to few men also. While I know for a fact that I'm bisexual, many people are not so strict in their orientation and you may be more fluid or have a preference for men or for women. Honestly, labels only matter if you want them to matter so I think it just has to be more of a personal experience. Like it has already been mentioned, after you explore these feelings and talk to someone you trust (I've also found blogging to be extremely helpful) you'll be able to have a better idea of who you are and who you like.
