Hi everyone, It is not really that I am questioning my sexuality, it is more that I'm kind of confused. I am pretty sure I'm bisexual with a preference for men (I'm a man myself). Now what confuses me, is that I feel like I'm physically more attracted to men than women, but I just can't see myself ending up in a relationship with a guy. Could I be more attracted to women mentally/emotionally and more attracted to men physically/sexually and can anyone relate to this feeling at all? For the record, I am not out yet (but that's a whole different story) and I haven't really had any sexual experiences besides kissing a few girls, if that makes any difference.
Yeah, you can. I can't relate to it exactly, but it's possible to be heteroromantic and homosexual at the same time.
It is possible--however it is also possible that it is the product of societal conditioning. You've seen examples your whole life of guys and girls having lasting relationships and you've probably seen far fewer examples of guys and guys together. I felt the way it sounds like you feel when I was about your age--I was occasionally attracted to guys but really could only see myself with women. To be honest, even the sex with women was fine, not astounding but nice. I always fantasized about men but I kinda figured I could make it work with women. I mean I like women and I even thought I fell in love with them--it wasn't like it was in the songs or the movies, but what is, right? And then I remember in college the first time a guy I was attracted to kissed me--he was out, I wasn't but he knew. He was respectful and all that and we had never really discussed it. Finally one night after a party he just kissed me--and it was electric. Literally, my legs gave out. And as I'm laying there on the floor with him over me trying to figure out if he's hurt me, I remember thinking, Oh my God, this is what everyone's singing about, this is just like in the movies. That's the thing; it was just different with guys. I dated women, even slept with them, and it was fine. My guess is there are probably actual straight people whose relationships aren't much better, but I never worried how long I needed to wait before I could call her or thought if she doesn't call me I'll just die. It just didn't involve my whole soul in the way my relationships with men have. I can see from this perspective that there just wasn't much there in my relationships with women, but at the time they seemed as real as anyone else's relationships. I've been with my (male) partner for 16 years and can't even imagine a relationship with a woman at this point. All sorts of stuff is possible--try not to limit yourself while you figure it out.
I think it's certainly possible. I consider myself gay and can only imagine having a relationship with another woman but I've come to realise that I've only ever been emotionally/mentally attracted to men but physically/sexually attracted only to women. But like you, I'm closeted, and I think that's what's been stopping me from forming strong emotional attachments to other women because, I figure, with that kind of intimacy, the fact that I'm gay will inevitably come up and I'm really not ready for that.
I recently read a fascinating paper on this topic called Retrospective Recall of Sexual Orientation Identity Development. There are many valid cultural and personal reasons for inhibiting the sexual development process at various milestones but nature tends to move forward regardless and we can easily end up being out of phase with our own sexual identity. Attraction is followed by interaction followed by sharing followed by relations. Homosexual attraction regret and subsequent avoidance doesn't stop the movement toward relations from happening anyway. The result often leads to internal conflict resolved through substitution toward the norm, which is often later rationalized as heteroromanticism.
You may well be a heteroromantic homosexual, but I'd also say it's probably social conditioning. When I was in my early teens I was already very much sexually attracted to girls, but I couldn't see myself marrying one, because I just hadn't been exposed to that possibility much and it seemed " odd". As I grew older, learned more about the world and my sexuality and made new experiences, I grew more comfortable with the idea of having long-term relationships with and marrying a woman, to the point where now I know for sure that that's what's gonna happen, because I love women, they make me happy and I couldn't see myself with a man. I want a wife, not a husband.
Thanks for all the helpful and quick replies! I am glad this is such a normal thing to feel and it could be true that I'm socially conditioned. I never really thought of that though, since I have gay friends and all, but maybe I'm only comfortable with the idea of others being gay and not myself yet? Anyway, I'm just gonna wait and see how it'll all turn out. I'm going to college after summer and that's when all the experimenting happens right?
nah LoL idc what anyone says, i like woman emotionally a fuckload more than any guy. Ive tried to get into guys emotionally but i cant its hard, i just like there bodys. but for relationships, i totally would Rather date a mature woman if my dick happened to work. but since i dont like guys emotionally im thinking about just staying single for the rest of my life and just hooking up now and then
