Hey! I am new here and really excited to have found this place I've been questioning my sexuality for a while and I could use all the advice I can get. All I know for sure is that I am definitely not straight. I am out to my close friends, some of whom are LGBT as well. Even though I've shared my confusion with them, and said I haven't settled on a label yet, they will often slip and refer to me as a lesbian. I think they believe I am gay and just need time to come to terms with it. But I am really not sure. In terms of sexual attraction, I have felt attracted to both girls and guys in the past, although I have only had sex with men so far. I think I spend more time consciously fantasizing about girls but I sometimes have sex dreams about men as well. It took me a long time to realize I was sexually attracted to women since I sort of assumed everyone found girls attractive. "How couldn't they?" I thought. Conversations with my straight female friends made me realize that wasn't true.:eusa_doh: Sometimes I think that I have to be bisexual because I have wanted to have sex with both men and women at some point. But then I think of this friend of mine who went out with lots of women. He thought he was straight or bi until he had his first sexual experience with another man. That's when he realized that what he felt with women paled in comparison to what he felt with men. He now identifies as gay, and says that bi was just a stop on the way to gaytown for him. What if that also happens to me? I don't know if I can wait till I have sex with a woman to be sure because I can be very awkward around people I like and I am afraid it might take a while to happen. In terms of romantic attraction, it's even trickier. I grew up watching a lot of straight romantic comedies and sort of imagining myself with a man. But at the same time, it did not feel right. I have only been in one relationship with a guy and it was pretty unusual. We saw each other and communicated rarely. He was very busy with work and I liked my space so it was fine by me. It sometimes felt like we were just friends with benefits. As soon as he said anything remotely serious like wanting to live together one day, I would freak out. Something inside of me would clench and want to run away. I could never imagine myself settling down with a man. I thought I just had commitment issues. But I really loved when he made romantic gestures like cook a nice dinner for me. It made me feel great. Now that I am single, I also feel a pang of longing when I see men being really sweet and attentive towards their girlfriends. I wonder if that is just some socially ingrained message that I should want that kind of treatment from men? Basically, when I try to picture myself with someone, I can see myself dating both men and women, but I can only see myself falling deeply in love with a woman. That kind of head over heels- madly in love- I want to share my life with you- feeling? I think I could only feel that for a woman. My crushes on girls (which didn't work out) felt more intense than my crushes on guys. I've cried over guys before. But I don't think I would ever be completely heartbroken by one. I know feelings like jealousy seem to be stronger when I like a girl too. So.... what is that? The more I try to figure out, the more confused I feel. Help? :icon_sad:
Nah, I don't think you're weird. In my opinion, it sounds like you're bisexual, but leaning more towards women. About the guy who said that "bi was just a stop on the way to gaytown," I guess that can work for some people. But with things like these, you don't really need an actual encounter to decide on your sexual orientation. Ultimately it's really up to you on how you label yourself. I'm similar to you in the way I like men over women, but I don't know if I'm actually bi or what. The best advice I can give you is to not pressure yourself into labels.
While it is true that many people who call themselves bi at first later realize they are gay, that might not be the case for you. Try not to pressure yourself into labels yet, since it seems like time might clear things up for you.
Thank you for the advice! I think what is stopping me from identifying with bi is that I feel like it implies that I could end up with either a man or a woman. Can you still be bi if you can't fall in love with a man?
