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Venting about sexuality *some sexual content*

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by BethLauren, Jul 6, 2014.

  1. BethLauren

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    I guess this is kind of long.

    So, when I was younger I was always 'afraid' that I liked girls, because I didn't know much about same sex attraction, only that it wasn't the norm and that worried me. So I buried it deep, deep, deep, deep down and forced myself to focus on boys. It worked, kind of. As I got older I started sleeping with guys and refused to even consider girls, although I never really enjoyed it or felt anything emotionally for them, it was just something I thought I had to do.

    Anyway, lately I've been questioning my sexuality a lot. I've realized that while I can, and have had sex and relationships with men, I never really enjoyed them.

    As I'm starting to work out what I am, I've been identifying mostly as queer or homoromantic pansexual, as one of the first things I realised was that I didn't want or desire romantic relationships with men. But now I'm wondering - I don't think I particularly want sexual relationships with them either. It's just been something I had to do because I had to 'prove' something to myself - that or I was bored (which is an awful reason for it, sorry).

    And while I was identifying as pansexual... I don't think I am. The whole reason I identified as pansexual in the first place was when I started again to question my sexuality, I was in a relationship with a man, and still thought that gender was irrelevant in the terms of attraction for me. And even after that relationship ended, it just stuck.

    But now... I think I'm a lesbian. I like girls. I picture myself loving a girl, sleeping with a girl, marrying a girl, having a family with a girl. I don't picture any of that with men, not anymore, not now I've grown up and realised that liking the same sex isn't something to be ashamed of.

    I don't know what I'm asking for here. I just needed to vent. I'm sorry if any of it doesn't make sense, I'm just kind of typing without thinking too much.
     
  2. Nychthemeron

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Tennessee, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I feel similar to this, I guess, but with my romantic orientation. It's a tough thing to sort out, I know.

    I know you weren't asking for any particular advice, but if you need any, just post. (*hug*)
     
  3. You sound more lesbian to me too! I'm glad you realized that being attracted to the same gender isn't wrong and started to be more of yourself! I hope you get to marry the girl of your dreams someday and again, I'm proud that you didn't let society tell you need to date men anymore :slight_smile: