Hey, I know there must be a lot of posts like these, so I'm sorry for adding to them! I've just joined this site, because I'm just so confused and was hoping to hear from those more experienced than I! Well, (sorry this could be long!) I've always liked guys in the past, actors etc, but I've never really had a serious boyfriend, there's no one really my type where I live. But recently, I've been wondering if I could be bi. I can fantasise about being with another girl, and have realised that when I'm out, I find myself looking at girls like I have done with guys in the past. I've found Im developing crushes on some female celebrities as well. (As a side note, I've never done anything with a girl). If you're bi, do you feel equally attracted to guys and girls? I just don't know if I'm bi or straight with an overactive imagination. I know labels aren't important, but I can't stop thinking about it. Is there any test or ways to see what you are? I'd like to hear your thoughts if you wouldn't mind taking the time to reply, and I'd be happy to answer any questions if I've left anything out.
Hey DarkDreamer, welcome to EC =) I have about as much experience as you and I'm also still struggling with figuring things out, so I guess I'm not much help here, but I can pass on what I've learned so far. I guess wether you're bi or straight is something only you can really tell, but to me you sound not straight... I wish there was a simple test, but I guess there's no other way than trying to gain awareness of where the attraction lies. Not necessarily. Attraction can be 50/50, but it's also possible to have a stronger preference for one gender.
Welcome! Firstly, being bi. Well, you don't have to be equally attracted to both genders. You can be attracted to different genders at different times in different ways to different degrees, and still be bi. There's no hard-and-fast rule that says you can only be bi if your attraction to each gender is roughly equal, so there really are a lot of different shades. So onto the case at hand. It might help you to think a little about what kind of attraction you're feeling when you feel it. With guys, you didn't really mention what kind of attraction you think it is. I'm guessing it's either romantic or sexual, but it could also be platonic or something else. Similarly with girls you see on the street, have a think about how you're attracted to them and maybe what it is that attracts you to them. It might not give you a concrete or satisfactory answer, since there's no formula for working any of this out, but it's a place to start. Another way of clearing up your feelings: look at what your sexual fantasies tell you when you're not using any stimulus and just letting your mind drive itself. Who features more? Who does your mind wander over to when you don't have it on a conscious leash? That can give you a good idea of what you like (not necessarily definitive, but it could clear some things up with you). The most important thing to remember is to not get worked up and obsessed about it. It's very easy to think about it hours on end and deconstruct all the relationships in your life up to this point to try and work this out, but a good deal of it just doesn't respond to analysis and reason that way. It's something that will come to you rather than you to it. From what I see you could be straight, mostly straight, bi... anything really. But whatever you are, don't overthink things (like I have a tendency to) too much and be patient.
Thanks so much for your reply! Um, I've been sexually attracted to men in the past, and I think I am with girls, although my lack of experience doesn't help! Thanks, I will try that next time I'm out! I'm so glad I'm not the only one who obsesses and overthinks things!
