I've thought I was gay since I was 10 years old and was changing in my schools locker room. Since then, I've been repressing myself and struggling to accept myself. I would only allow myself to masturbate to the thought of girls and straight porn (though I always focused on the guy), and even went an entire summer without masturbating at all because I was scared I might think of a guy. Recently (like 6 months ago), I let myself think of guys during it, and have been working on accepting myself. Up until like 3 weeks ago, if I thought of a guy I found attractive, I would get aroused immediately and with some imagination could quickly get a boner. Now, I'm not getting aroused as quickly or as easily, though I still find guys attractive. It takes a lot more work to get myself hard then it used too (but when I get started, masturbation comes easily). Idk.. I'm still concerned. What if I'm not gay and was just telling myself I was because I wasn't straight (I definitely don't find girls attractive). Am I gay? I know that you don't know exactly, but what's going on? Am I just getting worried over nothing?
First off, welcome to EC - you've found the right place! From what you've presented here, it sounds like you are gay. Whenever someone starts accepting themselves as gay, they go through the five stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. What they're grieving is the loss of the perceived straight lifestyle. You mention that you don't find girls attractive, while that per se doesn't make you gay, do you think that this makes you gay? Do you find guys attractive? (it seems like you said you do - I just want to confirm that). If the answers to both of these questions are yes, it seems like you've answered the question for yourself. Accepting that is much harder, and it sounds like you've been in the denial stage for quite some time. I don't think that you're getting worried over nothing, I personally think that you're beginning to accept who you truly are, and this is a process that takes time and work on your part, and I can tell you from experience that it's excruciatingly difficult. Again, welcome!
I'm probably gay, I guess. I do think that not finding girls sexually attractive makes me gay, and, yes, I do find guys attractive.. I just don't get why getting aroused hasn't been as easy lately. I thought accepting myself as who I was would make me get harder quicker, but I feel like it's been the opposite. I just started to consider telling my friend I was gay, and now I don't even know if I'm gay right now but I feel like I am..
it depends, how old are you, your age can sometimes impact your ability to get aroused for example, i could easily get aroused when i was 12 and up but not at 17, anyway if YOU feel you are then, you might be its a great sign to see that you can accept yourself so easily
I think you sound definitely gay. Many things can make it harder for people to get aroused or to achieve orgasm, such as age, hormone levels, stress, mental problems and medications. For example my antidepressants make it almost impossible for me to reach orgasm, which is driving me insane, but sadly they work really well for my depression -.-
Hi jkidg, and welcome to ec It's ok to be gay, straight, bisexual, or any other orientation...all of these are perfectly ok, and it is on that basis that you need not *worry*, know what I mean? You have had a tough time, probably due to either society, religion or parents saying that same-sex attraction is not ok, yes?...I had all of these while I was growing up, and it made things difficult for me, because as a teen, I felt attraction to both girls and guys, but I could not accept the guy part. So when I fantasized about a guy, I sort of put the experience into this mental compartment, labelled: "this is just a cheap and nasty thing you do to get off, but it's not really who you are". How sad, that I felt I had to do that. When I became an adult, I then suppressed that side of myself, for many years. Now, at the age of 45, I am finally beginning to accept it. So finding our sexuality is, for many, a journey, and not something we figure out right away. Be patient with yourself, you've got plenty of time to work things out. No need to rush into giving yourself a label. Personally, I still don't know what I am, I am currently living with uncertainty, the only thing I know for sure, is that I'm not straight. The main thing is: resolve to accept yourself no matter what you end up being. That way, you can feel some peace of mind even right now, even amidst the uncertainty. be well, Damien.
