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I thought I settled on a label, then Keira Knightley... *sighs*

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Pyromaniac, Jul 6, 2014.

  1. Pyromaniac

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    This might sound weird, but for the last year or so I've come out to friends as "bi." I was kind of unsure of that label, though, and recently came out to several friends as gay. I'm comfortable with being gay. Guys are my strongest attraction. I want to date guys. I might want to marry a guy. I thought it would make sense to label my stronger attraction.

    BUT I've been talking about this more with my gay friends and realize I'm attracted to women more than "gay" guys seem to be. I mean, I notice women in sexual ways. Not as often as guys, but I do. This all started up again when I returned to my old fantasy crush who was on TV: Keira Knightly. I know, stupid. She looks identical to this one British girl I had a major crush on. More of a romantic crush. I didn't really want to sleep with her, but I did want to be her boyfriend. Also, my ex-girlfriend who I dated for 9 months or so--I found myself missing her again. To be clear, I've only slept with girls a few times--my relationships were never that sexual. I also tend to prefer gay porn to straight porn. Women are my weaker attraction, but sometimes they are so goddamn cute.

    Advice? I hate labels, but I am coming out to my parents *very soon* (I already wrote the "I am gay" letter, but might revise it)... I wish my sexuality were more simple. I'm like a Kinsey 4 or 5. Blagh. Should I say I'm bisexual? :bang: :bang:

    ---------- Post added 6th Jul 2014 at 09:08 PM ----------

    And if you've offered advice in the past, sorry for the repeat. I've been having a very difficult time the past twelve months with defining and expressing my sexuality. I used to hate myself for a very long time, and I' feel so much happier as I've been allowing myself to openly date guys, etc. BUT i want to be honest about who I am...
     
  2. Tai

    Tai
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    Technically everyone (who feels attraction at all) is bi, it just depends on to what degree. There are very few, if any, people who are 100% straight or 100% gay.

    It doesn't sound like you feel much sexual attraction to women, and just romance. In this case you would be bi-romantic homosexual. But if that small bit of sexual attraction for women is big enough to be noticeable, it's valid to call yourself bisexual. You know better than me how large your sexual attraction to women is. Maybe ask yourself if it would be awkward to have sex with your girl attractions?
     
  3. ellyy

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    That's not true because there are different sorts of attraction that don't indicate your sexuality and there is also a difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted to them which is something people tend to confuse.
    And technically you don't know if there are very few people who are 100% straight or gay so let's not assume things.

    Anyway, Pyromaniac, you said that you notice women in a sexual way. Do you mean that you can be sexually attracted to them? You also said that you have experienced romantic attraction towards girls. If these things are true then I wouldn't say that you're gay, but bi. And to me, I could be wrong though, it sounds like you already deep down know the answer which is that you're probably not gay.
     
    #3 ellyy, Jul 7, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2014
  4. Pyromaniac

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    Thanks so much for this answer. To be honest, this really helped. I do find women sexually attracted. Not as often as I find guys sexually attracted, but I have enjoyed sex with women before. Additionally, I've romantically loved one girl who I was seeing for sometime... in fact, I really, really liked her, and not in a friend way.

    So, I think I am bi but with a stronger guy attraction... which is fine. And, to be honest, I don't care about the bi stigma. I mean, I don't mind if people assume I'm gay when I'm with a guy. I just need to know for when i tell my parents, and it makes it better when coming out to friends.

    I hate labels, but I think I'll go with this one.(&&&)
     
  5. ellyy

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    I'm so glad I could help you. :icon_bigg
    Good luck with coming out to your parents and friends!