Enough angst, I know what I am.

Earlier this year, when I began allowing myself same-sex attraction (in addition to opposite-sex attraction), I initially felt elated, as though a whole richer sexual world had opened up to me. Then, as I began hearing from a few folks about how bisexuals are mistrusted even by some in the lgbt community, I began to think it would be better to rather be just 'one or the other', ie, either gay, or straight. Because, since my adolescence I have never really fitted in anywhere socially. I have always felt excluded especially by straight guys, who have seemed to have this mistrust of me, who am a little unusual due to a kind of gentleness about me, which to be honest is one of the things I actually like about myself, and incidentally, I do not regard as an indicator of gayness, either. Furthermore, as though to make up for years of suppression, I dived in almost maniacally into gay fantasy, and almost exclusively began fantasizing to guys, which lasted right up to just yesterday. My desire to finally feel like I fitted in somewhere (ie, if I were exclusively gay, I would be more accepted in the lgbt world than if I were bi), combined with my then current guy-obsession, led me to either want, or think, that I might be exclusively gay, and not bisexual as I had at first thought. I thought to myself, if I were exclusively gay, I would gain more acceptance in the lgbt world, and possibly more here at ec also, a place I am growing to love. But yesterday I fessed up to myself, I cannot hide what I know any longer. Of course I still like girls. "Stop lying to yourself", I said. "You are just going to have to accept that you are what is termed 'bisexual', and if that means that some lgbt folks will mistrust or reject you for it, well that is a pity, but you need to be true to yourself."

I like guys and girls. I can't help it. I wish the lgbt folks who look down on this would realize that just as they can't help being gay, we bi's can't help being bisexual. Please fully accept us, just as we fully accept you. (I have not encountered any such discrimination here at ec, not ever! - that was a sort of plea sent out to the lgbt world at large, so to speak.)

To once again dispel one of those false notions about bisexuals, yes if I fall for a guy I could be loyal only to him. I only love one person at a time, I'm not a philanderer. Just as if I fell for a girl, I would be loyal only to her. (I read that some folks think that, because we bi's like both sexes, we would be incapable of fidelity.)

I think this is how I truly feel, that somewhere deep in myself I always knew it, and that I am now finally beginning to accept it.

In peace and love to the entire lgbt community here,

Damien. <3

 

Thank you so much. I'm wiping tears away darn it.

 

Any other bi's here, do you know how I feel? I can appreciate the beauty of the male body, and the female body. They are both so beautiful; I could love and ravish a man, just as I could love and ravish a woman. Is this really so bad?

 

Thanks greatwhale, I appreciate that.

 

That was my experience recently. The thought of just being straight again, well obviously not gonna happen hehe...the thought of being exclusively gay, did not feel right either, although I did try it on for a while; but when I simply accept this ability to see the beauty and charm of both sexes, I feel free, and it's the only time I do.

Thank you, shedding tears again. Just so you know, the support I am receiving here from everyone means so much to me.

 

Thank you for your support, TheStormInside. I read yesterday (it was Kinsey actually) that we humans have a tendency to want to categorize things neatly into 'one' or 'the other', but that in the realm of sexuality it isn't that simple, that there exist gradations on a spectrum. In my case I feel like it's pretty much equal, my attraction to guys and to girls, but for others it could be more of one than the other, even as a bisexual. And of course some folks feel fully gay or straight. All falling within a spectrum, not into a neat one-size-fits-all box.

 

Thank you, it was harder to do than I thought it would be (to even say it here), but the support I have received has made it so much easier. Now I just have to work on 'the world out there'...

 

Thanks gypsy.
Someone here has a sig that says. "It is better to be despised for what one is, than to be loved for what one is not". I can't recall who has the sig, or who originally said that, but it resonates with me and my decision to be fully honest with myself, which then resulted in me wanting to also disclose it here. The hardest part, ironically, was admitting it to myself.

---------- Post added 9th Jul 2014 at 11:22 AM ----------

Thank you

'Bisexys unite' I love that!

 

Hi Black Raven,
what I wrote was purely a rebuttal of one of the common aspersions cast at bisexuals, and had nothing to do with me being critical of folks who have a polygamous orientation, just to make that clear. It isn't my thing, but I have no problem with anyone else who feels that way. I repeat, I was rebutting a misconception about bi's, that is all.
Love your nick by the way
Damien.

---------- Post added 9th Jul 2014 at 12:46 PM ----------

Thank you Yuri!
By the way, I like your sig "cute is justice" even though I don't actually know what it means :lol:
Damien