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Am I gay, straight, or bi?? Please help

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by eagles12345, Jul 9, 2014.

  1. eagles12345

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    Hello,

    I am 21 years old and am very confused about my sexuality. Let me just preface this by saying I have never had sex, or even went any further than kissing and touching (only with women). I have suspected that I might not be straight for a little while now, and have kind of brushed it off as just part of the development process. But lately, as the end of college is only a year away, I have had to face the possibility that I could be gay, and that has really frightened me. I want to get married and have kids so bad, but I keep thinking that that might not be possible, and it has really depressed me. It's all I ever think about.

    So here are the facts, and maybe some people can give me some guidance. Like I said, I've never had sex or a significant other. I've kissed about 10 girls in my lifetime, but only drunk at parties. I did enjoy it very much, and usually get an erection. I started watching porn and masturbating in about 6th grade, only to straight porn. About 3 or 4 years later, I started to get curious about guys, so I started looking up "normal penis size" and things like that. From there, I started watching gay porn, which I enjoyed very much. I have alternated gay and straight porn since, and I admit that I enjoy gay porn more. The gay porn I watch is almost always young boy porn. Lately, I've gone back to mostly straight porn, which I like, but it's just not quite the same.

    I have a friend that I met about 3 years ago that I am very attracted to. He is very young looking, which is, as I said, what I prefer in gay porn. We are basically best friends, we do everything together. Everything he does makes me so emotional, either I love him or I hate him. It can get really annoying. I don't think he is gay. Other than him, though, I have never really had a crush on a guy, which is saying something because all of my friends are guys. I do not have regular contact with any girls. The idea of sex with a girl does excite me very much, but not quite as much as sex with a guy. I feel myself being attracted to sexual "taboos", not just gay sex, but sex with an older woman, younger people, etc. I have told my other best friend (not the one I am attracted to) that I think I might be bi. He was perfectly fine with it, but suggested that it might just be the lack of female contact that I have. It's not that I don't want female contact, it's just that I am very shy and quiet and don't really put myself out there. I don't really find myself being extremely attracted to girls, although there is definitely some attraction and the thought of sex with them excites me. The other thing is, I don't "act gay" at all (if that's a thing). I am very athletic, am obsessed with sports, don;t really like artsy stuff, don't talk or act gay at all, etc. I don't mean to stereotype, but I just thought it would be good to add in.

    So if some people could give me some advice, that would be great. Could it be the lack of female contact? I would be ok with being bi, I just don't want to really be gay. I have nothing against it, it's just not really what I want. Could it be that I am obsessed with societal sex taboos? I like to watch mother-son porn sometimes as well (weird, I know). Like I said, I've never really met another guy that I am very attracted to other than my one friend.

    Thank you!
     
  2. Archie

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    You sound A LOT like me. I've been struggling to figure out whether I'm gay or bi - definitely not straight - and I think I'm bi with a preference for guys.

    I read somewhere here on EC about a guy who was physically attracted to girls as well as boys, but identified as gay because he just didn't want to be with a girl, that just wasn't what he wanted for his life. Which is a valid point to consider, although it doesn't really sound like you.

    So like I said, I'd say you're bisexual because you feel sexually attracted to both guys and girls, and not only that but you do want to have sex with guys and you do want to have sex with girls, even though you never went any farther than kissing/touching girls. But then since you've been thinking about guys so much and don't feel like straight porn turns you on as much as gay porn, I'd say you could have a preference for boys, perhaps?

    Right now, if you could choose between having sex with a hot guy and a hot girl, what would your decision be? I would choose to do it with a guy. I love vaginas and I love boobies and I would love to have sex with a girl, believe me. But I wouldn't choose that over a nice penis dangling from a hot guy just there for me to enjoy it. So think about that.

    Also, girl on girl action doesn't turn me on, whereas sometimes two guys doing something as mundane as hugging triggers my imagination. What I've realised turns me on about straight porn is seeing the guy being so manly, taking charge and penetrating the girl and just giving her pleasure. Sometimes when the video starts with the girl playing with herself, it just does nothing for me. So what really makes me want to have sex with girls is that I want to be that guy, I want to make them writhe with pleasure and feel like they want the D. Like yourself, "I'm very shy and quiet and don't really put myself out there". I don't know how to approach girls and that's why I'm still a virgin at the age of 21. It's not because I don't want to have sex with a girl, but I think I've just never had the opportunity. Or maybe I'm not trying too hard since I have a preference for boys. I reckon I would have to build a fairly solid relationship with a girl in order to have sex with her. Right now I don't feel very confident about approaching girls, I don't think I'm masculine enough for a girl. Like, I don't think any girls would be attracted to me since I reek of awkwardness rather than confidence. But I would gladly take chances with guys, I guess I feel more comfortable flirting with guys and fantasising about them.

    Also, I am much less tolerant about little imperfections on girls than guys. For example, the littlest "flaw" about a girl will put me off, whereas I can just look past most of the things that I normally don't enjoy about guys. I mean, I'd probably still have sex with a girl even though some aspects of the way she looks don't really attract me, but I'm much more likely to hit on a guy in those circumstances. Does that make sense?

    Maybe it could be that you want to feel dominant sexually, that's why you don't "act gay" and are very much into sports etc, and why when it comes to guys you enjoy boys/twinks as opposed to men/hunks. And then you also enjoy straight porn where guys are all manly, and the "sexual taboos" all involve a good level of dominance and submissiveness. But I could be wrong about this one.

    But anyway, I'm not 100% sure where I stand but it makes sense to me that I'm bisexual with a preference for guys, and thinking about all that has helped me come to this conclusion, so I think you could start there. But at the end of the day, it's just a label and you shouldn't worry too much about what you call yourself. I understand you want to figure out what you want/feel, but maybe trying to fit into a category can get you really confused.
     
    #2 Archie, Jul 9, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2014
  3. GeekMonkey

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    You sound bisexual to me, perhaps with a preference for men.
    Btw, you can still get married and have kids even if you were gay, I don't get why people always act like that is impossible.
    I don't know where you live of course, but in most Western countries marrying someone of the same sex is very much possible, even if it means marrying in another state or the neighboring country.
    So if you fall madly in love with a man, he can become your husband and you can have a family.

    The real question is, can you see yourself in a relationship with a man? Can you imagine
    having a husband rather than a wife?
    If you can't you might actually be a heteroromantic bisexual.
     
  4. eagles12345

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    Thanks for the replies, guys. Archie, that does sound fairly similar to me. The problem is I'm always thinking about it, so when Im around girls, I'm always like "o am I attracted to these girls or not?" Nothing is natural anymore, it's like I'm obsessed with just figuring it out. Do you guys think having a sexual experience would help me to figure it out?
     
  5. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    You sound bisexual, leaning more to the 'gay' side :slight_smile:
     
  6. hsh40208

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    You sound bisexual to me too, and pretty similar to my story. Just don't let other people label you. Unfortunately, the exact nature of your sexuality is something you'll have to figure out for yourself with the passage of time. I'm still figuring mine out and trying to keep from fighting it, but like I said, it sounds pretty similar to your story.

    I ultimately see myself with a wife and children, and not with a husband, but I'm much more easily attracted to men and a wider variety of men than women. In fact, I'm pretty picky when it comes to women. Heteroromantic bisexual, sounds like as good of a description for myself as anything.