1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Another teen wondering if they are bi or gay.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by rustledjimmies, Jul 9, 2014.

  1. rustledjimmies

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2014
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Hello, I am a 14 year old male teen living in Austin, Texas.

    Sorry if this post becomes a bit... graphic in a few places, or too long winded. I'll shorted it if needed.

    When I was little, I recall dressing up in pink tutus, dressing all in pink, and doing various things that would be considered effeminate.

    I've never really felt normal, and never had any romantic attractions to females. I think I convinced myself that I did, but looking back I think I just thought of the girls I hung out with as good friends, even if they felt more strongly about me.

    All of my friends have girlfriends, or have had girlfriends, and so I think I just did that to fit in.

    I've always had a bit of a fascination with male genitalia, especially those that aren't my own (e.g. my friend's crotches). I would be caught staring at them sometimes.

    I had always thought I was straight, because why wouldn't I be?

    About a year and a half ago (when I turned 13), was when I first began to, well, masturbate, and I thought about girls at first. It may have just been the social norm.

    Slowly, that began to change. The first time I had a same-sex fantasy was while I was sitting in school, waiting after completing tests. I let my mind wander, and before I knew it, my mind was going wild with gay fantasies. I thought that was just a one-time fantasy, as I know some heterosexuals do have occasional gay fantasies.

    This was when I was about 13 and a half.

    From that point on, I began to fantasize more about males than females. I started reading about masturbation, namely jackinworld.com (am I allowed to post websites?). It's not porn, don't worry.

    Anyway, after reading about 'circle-jerks' in the biographies section of jackinworld.com, I started to really want to experience that myself. I wanted to masturbate my male friends and have them masturbate me.

    My fantasies progressed to oral and anal sex, and I almost asked one of my friends to do that with me, but decided against it.

    I then decided to label myself bicurious instead of straight, although this was only to myself.

    I began to read the stories of circle jerks in the biographies section as erotic material (they were intended to be educational, but eh), and I ended up having fewer and fewer opposite sex fantasies.

    Another six months after that, I began to actually view porn (erotic literature, not a big fan of videos). It started out as straight porn, but that didn't last very long (no pun intended), and now I view solely gay porn. I know you might all say I'm too young, but I was one of the last to do so in my social circles.

    I began to suspect I was bisexual, and eventually decided to label myself as such.

    Now, I've been going back and examining my unexplained feelings through my life (such as when I had a very, very strong impulse to kiss my best friend at age 9) and I would be 100% certain I'm gay, except for one thing.

    I still think women are sort of attractive. This doesn't sound like much, but for the past few months I've been rolling around in bed and not sleeping trying to figure out my sexuality. I don't know my obsession with it, and I was really hoping empty closets could help. I kind of feel like the person in this post: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/48525-not-sure-if-im-gay-confusion-advice.html

    They state that they can tell when women are pretty and things, but it's more of an artistic beauty, 95% of the time. That's exactly how I feel. I think I might be like a 5 on the Kinsey scale, but then again, what if I'm exclusively homosexual? What if my attraction to women is misinterpreted feelings (I have lots of those with all of my stupid hormones), or maybe that's the real passing phase (I've heard some gay guys have had passing phases like this).

    I can say that I'm certainly not straight, as I find guys very attractive (I have the Benedict Cumberbatch shower scene on my hard drive... lol) but I'm just not sure the extend of my attraction to women. It bothers me so much that I can't determine my own feelings.

    Another thing that worries me is coming out as bisexual is much... harder than coming out as gay, from all of the bi-stigma and things. I've already sort of come out (saying I was unsure about my sexuality) to some of my very close friends, but nothing full-blown.

    This has been my rambling. If you're still here, thank you so much for reading and I hope you can help me.

    One last bit of information: I took the gay test here (actual test, not the ones trying to be funny), and I got a 151. According to that, I am certainly not heterosexual, either bisexual or exclusively homosexual. I agree with that, but the problem is that pesky or!

    Thanks again, and I hope you can help me :icon_wink!
     
  2. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Welcome!

    Short answer, from what you've said, you are likely gay.

    What you are describing about females -- appreciating their beauty -- is pretty common to all gay men (hence the appreciation for drag queens). Now if you masturbate to thoughts and images of women, and envision sex with them... That's a different story. But I suspect from what you've said about the circle jerk fantasies, that your fantasy, arousal, and most everything else is all about guys, and that pretty much makes you gay. (Somebody may show up and propose some exotic, unrecognized label, but honestly, I'd suggest avoiding going that route... There's little to no research to support the idea of any of the unrecognized labels, and they usually end up confusing or delaying rather than helping. )

    That probably isn't what you wanted to hear. And I could be wrong. So the best course of action is to simply think about it, analyze your own arousal and attractions, and go from there. Feel free to ask for more clarifications or ask additional questions
     
  3. Jason1998

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2014
    Messages:
    43
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    I'm pretty sure you are gay
     
  4. rustledjimmies

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2014
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Thank you both for your answers. It has helped a lot.
    I do have a few more questions, though.

    Well, I do masturbate to thoughts of women, but very, very rarely (once every two months?). Sometimes I just have an urge to do so, but again, it's very rare. I think most of it stems from my curiosity; I have no idea what sex with a woman would be like, and I don't think I'd like it much (from what I've learned online). I am still curious, though.

    All in all, it's just missing the whole element of penis.

    One thing that I keep thinking about is that I can't see myself in a long term relationship with a woman, although I could see that with a man.

    I don't know. I think I'm reverse bicurious. Is that a thing? Lol.

    I think I'd like to have a relationship with a woman, in college maybe, just to really see if I don't like it.

    Maybe I'm just overthinking all of this.

    Thanks for your help! :icon_bigg
     
  5. wanderinggirl

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,189
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York
    Hey, it's totally possible that you're gay but curious about women. It makes sense; not being one, you wonder what you're missing out on.
     
  6. rustledjimmies

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2014
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Thank you, I like this line of thinking a lot.
    I feel like that fits me, and I've always kind of felt that if I could actually, well, learn more about a woman (you know what I mean by this) that my curiosity would be satisfied and I would be over my fascination.

    Thank you all so much, and I truly feel much better after posting this and reading your responses. I think an outside perspective was just what I needed. :icon_bigg

    From now on, I will label myself as gay (I know that labels are meaningless, but for the sake of explanation to others it helps).

    (!)
     
  7. pigpassport

    pigpassport Guest

    I felt like this from about the age of 14, 15. It was something I never really properly thought about until I was about 17 when I decided I was bisexual. It took me another two years after that to realise that actually, I'm gay, and in hindsight I had crushes on friends of mine when I was in school, or I would look at a girl and find her attractive in more than a just "she's pretty I want to look like her" way.

    I still occasionally feel 'curious' I suppose, although I'm not entirely sure that's the right word about guys and wonder what it would be like to be with a guy although I'm pretty sure that I know now I never would be with a guy. And you know, just because you're gay (if you are gay) it doesn't mean that you're blind and being able to look at someone of the opposite sex and recognise that you think they are attractive, although you wouldn't be attracted to them (if that makes sense) is perfectly normal.

    If you are curious, moreso than I am and perhaps slightly less sure that you are completely gay and you want to see what it's like to be with a girl then there's no harm in that. You're only 14 after all and lots of people don't work out what they like until they're much much older than you are now. You like what you like and if you have to try it out to know that you like it or don't like it there's no harm in that at all as far as I'm concerned