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I seek friendship with women, but not sex.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Damien, Jul 10, 2014.

  1. Damien

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    It is amazing how coming here, hearing others share aspects of their lives, and sharing a bit of my own, keeps helping me to realize more and more about myself. I just realized that yes, I still like women, and can still feel attracted to them, but increasingly over the last few months, and right now quite strongly, I seek only friendship with them, affectionate friendship even, but not sex. The focus of my sexual desire is some special guy I will meet at some stage.

    Of course I could be just friends with a guy too, but there is something about the idea of having some closeness with a woman that does not involve any sexual contact, that I find very appealing. A friendship in which there was that level of trust that friendship was all it could ever be, where both understood and respected that fully.

    Can any other gay or bi guys relate to this? Feel free to disagree, we don't all have to agree with each other all of the time :icon_bigg

    Damien :slight_smile:
     
  2. Mogget

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    I've described myself as gynesocial before. Virtually all my friends are women, and that's been true my entire life.
     
  3. Damien

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    Hi mogget,

    I appreciate you giving your reply, I was beginning to feel like maybe no-one related at all...which was probably just my generally oversensitive nature though.

    I like your sig by the way. Very true words. :slight_smile:
     
  4. hoodie boy

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    I'd never had any close friends who were girls until high school. Previously, all my friends had been guys.
    For whatever reason, the first time I revealed my sexual orientation, it was to a girl I didn't know well. Since then, we have been close friends; we don't see each other often, but we talk regularly. She's still the only one I confide in about my personal doubts and fears. I'm not sure why, but she's the only one I trust to keep my thoughts and feelings secret. I do the same for her.
     
  5. Damien

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    Thank you for sharing that. In my case, I feel as though just friendship with women, would give me the opportunity to actually develop some trust, in a kind of 'safe friendship space', ironically. It is only sexual intimacy with them that has always, thus far, been far too much for me to deal with, which is why, quite honestly, I do not currently seek it at all.
     
  6. GrumpyOldLady

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    It's perfectly legitimate to want to be just friends with women. There have been lots of men that I was "just friends" with, and letting go of sex issues with someone of the opposite sex can be a fulfilling experience. If you feel uncomfortable being around women as a man, so to speak, it might even help if you were open about being gay. I may mostly hang out with tolerant people, but most women I've known have no problems with gay men (don't know how it is in Australia), and in fact may feel more comfortable with you and be more "themselves" when the whole issue of sex is off the table. In my experience, anyway.
     
  7. Damien

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    Thank you for your reply, well that is how I feel at the moment. The only thing that bothers me, is that whenever I had such friendships before, that at some stage, the woman would get a boyfriend, and then the friendship would sort of die off. I'm thinking I might get to know a woman who isn't interested in men sexually at all, be just friends with her, and that way there won't arise this situation where a boyfriend enters her life, and feels (unwarranted) jealousy regarding her male friends.
     
  8. GrumpyOldLady

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    A benefit to being "out" to a female friend, would be that a boyfriend wouldn't feel jealous. Of course, a lot of people see less of their friends when they're in a relationship, especially a new one, no matter what the gender/sexual orientation. They want to spend time with their new love, and I think a lot of women are especially so ... it's sort of expected of us, in a way.

    You can also be friends with women who are not single, if their partner is secure and not the jealous type. I hate to admit it, but I've actually had relationships with guys I wasn't really in love with just to have an excuse to hang out with their friends or other men without sex or dating being an issue.
     
  9. Oh, so you also mean no emotional or romantic attraction that goes beyond more than friends with women too or no? I have that with men, but I don't want sex with them.

    But either way, yeah, friendships with women are awesome! I've just been sticking to try to make friends with girls all my life, but now, I want to try and not limit my friendships to a certain gender and hopefully, I met some guy like you who does enjoy friendship with women. That is very special to have that closeness without any sexual things involved.

    Omg, I just saw you asked for gay/bi guys help, sorry lol xD
     
  10. DoctorWatson

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    I can definitely relate to you Damien.

    I'm gay and I've had crushes on both men and women, but there's a strong difference between the nature of the two. Whereas my male crushes are both emotional and sexual, my female crushes are purely emotional...and also a little bit of something else. I can't describe what that "something else" is though.

    I was at a coffee shop a couple of months ago and I briefly fell in love with the lady at the cash register, but there was absolutely nothing sexual about it. I couldn't in a million years picture myself sleeping with her, but I thought she beautiful and kind and compassionate and the whole shebang. If I was a little bolder, I might have tried to make conversation with her.

    And this is what gets me so confused because I didn't want to date her. I wanted to be friends, but not just friends. I wanted to be affectionate and talk to her all day long, but not make it seem like I was sexually interested. When I left the coffee shop I remember thinking to myself "What the hell? I thought you were gay?!"

    I've "fallen in love" like with women quite a few times and I don't expect that part of me to change just because I've come out to myself as gay. Pretty much all my friends are women, so I wouldn't really say I'm craving female friendship. I'm craving something more than friendship but less than a hardcore romantic relationship (does this make me a biromantic homosexual? :confused:)

    I guess that's just the beauty of human sexuality! :icon_bigg
     
  11. stocking

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    I wish I had this type of friendship with men , that's why I prefer male friends that have girlfriends or don't want relationships there the best ones to pick for now .
     
  12. girlpower

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    Well! I can too relate to this somewhat... i can count few times on my finger when i briefly fell in love with guys. I had a bf, I always knew i was not in love with him the way i fall for girls.. but still there were moments when i felt i might be in love with this one particular guy. I also thought i'd miss living without him after we break up.. but trust me i never missed that 'love' we had. though i miss him sometimes as a friend or say a close friend.
    So, if you give it a deep thought and try to figure out if you have ever felt that same love for women as you feel for guys you'd know the difference. Though it might not be easy to figure out until unless you fell 'seriously' for a guy:slight_smile:
     
  13. TheStormInside

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    You sound a lot like me, but in reverse. I think where I stand right now, probably the most accurate label for myself is biromantic lesbian. I don't really care for the multi-word labels, though, so "gay" or "lesbian" seems sufficient enough.
     
  14. Mogget

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    Yeah, romantic orientation and sexual orientation don't have to match up. I definitely form emotional crushes on women without any sexual component.