So lately I've been working on accepting who I am over the past 2 months and I've been getting better at accept myself. However I have a problem that I know for a fact has probably been on here several times. I'm starting to get a crush on my bestfriend. I hate myself for it. Sometimes I'll think of us kissing or cuddling. I also think about us being "together". And eventually I'll realize what I'm thinking about and mentally slap myself in the face. I try so hard to keep my self from having these feelings but they won't go away. The worst part is if he ever found out he would hate me! He has no problem with gay people but he would avoid me and I'm afraid that we wouldn't be friends anymore. What am I supposed to do? I'm totally lost in this situation, I've never had a crush before. Please help I hate myself for having these feelings. :help:
Feelings of love are present in a friendship, just as they are in a relationship, but it's a different kind of love, with boundaries that need to be respected. Respect for one anothers boundaries is really important, otherwise the relationship will be damaged. Sometimes the line between love for and friend and love for a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner can get blurred, so we need to take a step back and examine our feelings more closely. Why is it happening? If you think about it, the personal qualities you find in a friend are exactly the same qualities you might want from a boyfriend. Afterall, the reason you are friends with someone is because you are attracted to the other persons character and personality on some level. That point is true, regardless of the other persons gender and it's perfectly okay to admit it. However, it gets more complicated if we experience same sex attraction, as we can begin to project onto the other person (our friend) a much deeper attraction that may not be real. If you think about the people you find physically attractive, does your friend actually meet all of those ideals? For example, if you are attracted to slim, blond guys and your friend is broad and dark haired, you are actually moving the goalposts of your attraction. The other thing to consider is this... most relationships start with physical/sexual attraction. This is the primary motivator and the foundation of the relationship on which everything else is built. So when we are looking for a boyfreind/girlfriend, our first consideration is most likely to be what they look like. It's different in a friendship, where physical/sexual attraction is not the motivator. That's why it's harder to make a relationship work - because the foundations are weaker, even though the feelings are intense. We don't need to find our friends physically attractive - that's not the basis of our connection. So, if you are "starting" to find your friend attractive, it means the attraction wasn't there from the outset. That's a really important point to keep in mind. So ask yourself, where is it really coming from? Are you projecting onto your friend an idealised set of attributes that are not really there? When you look at most crushes from a neutral viewpoint that's often what's happening, but you don't see it yourself when you are caught up in it. Hope you can work through this and try to seperate your feelings.
