I've seen a few threads about this topic, but the last one that really applied to my situation was from 2011 so I thought I'd start it back up to seek some advice/see if people have felt the same way. I am 19 years old, and within the past year I have started to accept the fact that I am bisexual. I tended to shy away from the title of "bi" because of the strong negative stigma attached to it - that it's a phase, that you're just confused etc. But as of lately I've come to accept that this is who I am, and that I have very strong sexual feelings for both men and women. My problem is that I am in a committed straight relationship, going on four years. I love him more than I knew possible, and I am very happy with him. He is wonderful to me, and so understanding of my feelings. I feel terrible that I have such urges to experiment with women, but I do, and I would never want to ignore my feelings only to have resentment grow between my SO and myself. However he is the only person I have ever been with, and on top of us both being very young, I've been so conflicted about what I should do. We've talked about taking a break so I could try to experiment with women, but I've always thought of breaks as the beginnings of break ups. I know that this is the time to experiment and discover who I am, but I love him more than anything. Basically I'm torn between taking the break and accepting the possible consequences that would come with it, or just staying with him as is and hoping that knowing that I like women is enough - in the same way that I know I like men but I don't need anyone else but him. I just worry that I won't be satisfied until I know what it's like to be with a woman. Does anyone else have any experience with this?
I'm going through exactly the same thing. We have been together nearly 6 years.. Have u decided anything yet ?
I was exactly in this situation. Maybe it helps you to know how I handeld it. My solution: I talked to my boyfriend and I was honest about my feelings, my fears and everything...He was really caring and wanted me to be happy, so we made an arrangement. I can experiement with a girl provided that it is just with one girl and that he wants to know the girl... Maybe your boyfriend is willing to make an arrangement like this?! By the way: after this experience I was happy and felt better and my realtionship went on as normal. This was not standing between us. It was years ago and I'm not with him anymore, but it has other reasons, nothing to do with this experience :icon_wink
just remember the longer you wait to act, the more pain you will create, for both you and the other person involved. i'd advise anyone who is in a straight relationship that has thoughts to be with the same sex to think about separating from your current relationship, because it just never usually works out long term.. and even if it does, it will likely be a dysfunctional relationship.. all you will end up doing is creating more pain for the other person when you decide you can no longer can live by neglecting your feelings. eh, as i was saying...
This is a tough one for sure. I didn't come out to myself as bi until about 6 months in to a pretty committed relationship, and I ended up being with that guy for 2.5 years. I came out to him, but I never really talked about my drive to see women - I was too afraid that if I opened the door for me to be involved with other people, he might want the same option. That would have been totally fair and rational, especially since we were long distance for a time, but my fear of being jealous was greater than my fear of missing out on part of myself. But, increasingly, I felt trapped and panicked. When we eventually broke up (for lots and lots of other reasons), a part of me was hugely relieved. Breaks don't necessarily mean break-ups, but it may make it hard for you to truly enjoy your experiences with a woman if you're A) afraid or grieving for the end of your relationship or B) on the other end of the spectrum, using the experience as a stepping stone to get back to being satisfied in your relationship. In those cases, you may not be able to accurately assess how you feel about your experiences with women. You're right to consider your age when making your decision. At almost 25, I'm still confused as hell, but what I wanted at 19 was very different from what I want now, and I imagine what I want now will be different from what I want in a few years. We're young, and we're working with a limited number of experiences/perspectives right now. But even though I'm still confused, I'm so glad for the insights I've gained over the past few years. I've been in long-term relationships, short-term relationships, casual hookup situations, completely single, etc. There are things I love about men that I don't have with women. There are things I love about women that men can't hold a candle to. It's a mess sometimes, but I truly don't regret either starting or ending any of those relationships thus far. While no one can really say what's right for you personally, my advice is to listen to whatever that inner voice is telling you, even if it scares the shit out of you. In my experience, I've usually known somewhere deep down what I needed to do in tough situations like this one - it was just a matter of being too afraid of the consequences to make that decision. When I don't have that deep down gut feeling, I maintain the status quo and don't make any big changes. I wait for a push (internal or external) in the right direction. But when it comes, I'm trying to be better about listening to it. I've found in the past that when I fight it or try to paper over it, it gets me all fucked up and depressed. I've felt no long-term regrets so far by heeding that deep-down knowledge, but I've felt plenty of misery fighting it.
I am in a 5 year relationship with a girl, who now knows... I also have been questioning our relationship as I can't stop thinking about other men. But, she also means the world to me... I've figured out that I am indeed bisexual at this point. This has been a recurring thing for me since I was a child and it's haunted me through every straight relationship. The downside is I am going to be 30 in a month and I have never been with a man. I feel like I waited too long, but I don't want to wait any longer because I still have my good looks (I'm so vain) . So where are we now... well... My sex drive is relatively low (but still higher than it was before she found out), I get 'offended' by her rather easily, I don't trust her as much, I can get irritated with her rather quickly (which is unfair to her)... She constantly has something to say about me using lotions or wearing my more feminine clothing or shaving/body hair, which isn't bad it's just uncomfortable to always be pointed out. She really wants to get married, have a few more kids, etc... The worse part is, she is in no position to leave or stand on her own. She has offered the, "What if we arrange a man to experiment with," twice and on both times retracted it. Partly because I can't tell her this whole thing won't be put to bed... Yet she fears one day she will wake up and I will tell her I want to be with a man... Meh. The only thing I can say is, you are 19... Before you commit - have no or few regrets. You could be in the same situation you are in, but older, and with less options. The tricky part about that statement is at 19 I didn't know what I wanted. Heck I didn't really start thinking about it until a year or so ago...
I'm in the same situation and I'm considering talking to my boyfriend about, as Ada M7 suggested in another post. But if you want to experiment, I wouldn't do it with your girlfriend help, I think it would be too weird and it's actually something you should handle by yourself, figure out who you are without the meddling from a girl who likes you. I couldn't agree more. I do believe that it's never to late, but the more you commit to this girl, the hardest will be if those feelings don't go away. You might end up resenting her and feeling frustrated. I'm 24, in a 5 year relationship and pretty lost about my feelings and sexuality.
