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What... what is this?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by betwixt, Jul 13, 2014.

  1. betwixt

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    I've always known I was a little different. I have trouble remembering things from my relatively normal childhood, so it took until high school to connect the few dots I had, but after I did that, I relished in the attraction I felt for certain other men. It was exciting and made me feel as though I was part of a community with a common story. I grew up with conservative parents who I haven't been able to tell but who I suspect have an inkling, given the things they found left open on my teenage computer and my shy, sensitive nature. I was fine with not making it a part of my identity and limited its sphere of influence to my taste in porn and online friendships. I never felt the need for a relationship- with women or men- but I enjoyed the way validation from "manly" men made me feel both emotionally and physically.

    I'm pretty sure this checks all the gay boxes. Problem is, I still can't shake the visceral reaction I have around other gays/ expression of gay love because of the dogma that's been ingrained in me by my parents and my Jewish background, despite being out to friends, being on ****** and living in these more accepting times. This has kept me from forming meaningful platonic relationships with gay men and women ( using them for sexual release and then leaving them hanging), and I have trouble seeing myself in a long-term relationship with a man.
    What can I do to start living a healthy gay life?
    More specifically?
    -Am I gay, bi, asexual or straight? Will I never have a black-and-white answer, and if so, how can I learn to be okay with that and what does it mean functionally?
    - I'm afraid of intimacy and sex in general- some of that is a consequence of being in a wheelchair and being overweight ( though that's changing), but some of it is a fear of the finality, guilt and danger that would come with it.
    -How do I stop needing to force myself to bury a latent disgust and be accepting and comfortable around gay people and cultural artifacts and cultivate genuine love for them and for myself?
    What can I do to start embracing a life that fully recognizes my sexuality- whatever that may be- but that keeps me from losing myself in the process?
     
  2. Budweiser

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Betwixt,

    Religions usually mean well, but they use fear as a motivator. This can stick around should someone decide to pull away from the faith. I went through this EXACT same thing and it took a couple of years, I'll tell how I did it.

    I am, despite still believing in god, a very logic based person. I looked at the arguments presented by the LGBT supporters and the religious supporters and it was extremely clear who comes out on top, this eradicated all question of fear in my mind.

    1. The religious argument (I'm more familiar with christan than jewish, so I'm going to assume the homosexual thing is similar for both of them) on, not just this topic but a few, are completely ungrounded. Not just a scientific way but also a philosophic way. They do not actually understand their own belief system. For example, many if not most would believe that you get into heaven for doing good things and you go to hell for doing bad things, wrong. So when a religious person assumes a gay person is going to hell, they are simply being homophobic and in no way arguing for faith.

    2. Understand that LGBT are NOT sexual deviants. A visual I find helpful is to just look at a person - whoever makes you uncomfortable for whatever reason, and feel a plain of levelness...... that's the best way I can describe it. That's probably not too helpful >.>

    3. Don't feel bad at all for feeling this way, it is completely understandable after a religious upbringing and family disapproval. I went through the same thing, and I can tell you, you can realize to yourself the truth of the matter 100% so there isn't any reason to be afraid, and we're all here for you <3
     
    #2 Budweiser, Jul 14, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2014