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Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Eric Dave, Jul 13, 2014.

  1. Eric Dave

    Eric Dave Guest

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    Im confused. Im 32 been questioning my sexual orientation non stop every day for 7 yrs. I cant work it out.

    The last few years I have done mental tests:

    1 Imagine in my mind having sex with girls=arousal. Then imagine with guys=no reactio.
    2, Look at straight porn = arousal. Look at gay porn =no arousal

    But lately
    1. Imagine sex with girls=arousal but now also a little bit when I think of guys.
    2. Aroused looking at staright porn but now also a little with the gay porn.
    3. Stare at a pic of a girl with boobs out and get no reaction. Lookat a guy with 6 pack and feel my balls tingling.

    I have been in relationship with a girl and loved it. I cant picture myself cuddling and telling a guy I love him etc..
     
  2. goodolmoon

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    Maybe you're bicurious? From what you're saying it sounds like you'd want to try something with a guy, but are more interested in an actual relationship with a woman.
     
  3. Eric Dave

    Eric Dave Guest

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    No I dont want to try anything with a guy ever tbh. I grew up straight and liking it and I dnt want to change. I fear that I am gay though hence all the testing. I do love women though. I deeply loved my ex gf.
     
  4. Acm

    Acm Guest

    Well I don't think you're gay since it seems like you're definitely attracted to women. Are you sexually attracted to men at all? You don't necessarily have to have romantic feelings for them or actually pursue anything with a man
     
  5. Eric Dave

    Eric Dave Guest

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    Well growing up no I never had any feelings emotionally or physically to guys. I developed impotence for women and started thinking that maybe Im gay. I can masturbate about a guy like I can masturbate about a girl but I would only evr persue a girl in real life. I have never kissed a guy or done anything ever wth a guy in my life.

    ---------- Post added 13th Jul 2014 at 04:48 PM ----------

    whats freaking me out is my ball sack tingles seeing a picture of a guy with no top on and doesnt when I see a girl in pic with her boobs out. In my past I would have got aroused seeing boobs.
     
  6. Eric Dave

    Eric Dave Guest

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    I decided to do a test today. I sat down and watched gay porn and without touching myself observed my reactions. I looked at a video about 20mins long. My ballsack tingled and I could see my ballsack changing shape constantly like the blood was swirling around int here but my penis stayed totally flaccid. Am I aroused or not?
     
  7. paris

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    Hi Eric Dave, I think it could be helpful for you to use search button and read some posts from paranoidkid and dan89 here on the forum.
     
  8. Eric Dave

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    Thanks PAris. I have read many of their posts. I must say Im very similar. However I keep thinking Im gay indenial. I tell my parents every day that I am convinced Im gay and they say ''ok shut up about it'' as Ive been saying it to them for years. I used to have massive anxiety but I have become numb to the pain now. I feel depressed. I want to feel like I used to as a teenager feelign horny about girls, getting proper erections.

    I looked at gay porn to check my reactions back in 2007. I was 25 back then. It disgusted me and bored me tbh. I kept having to check whenever the doubts came back. I never got a reaction. Then I told myself I have to stroke myself. I found it hard to get a decent erection and would have to stroke vigorously. I could orgasm. I didnt enjy it as I was doing it and was in a state of fear but the orgasm felt intense which scared me.

    Anyway I would compare straight v gay to see what aroused me more. Nearly all the time it was straight but the very odd time something in gay porn might cause arousal.

    Anyway from 2007-2013 gay porn was boring. Lately it has started to give me a reaction similar to straight porn. I dunno if I am discovering Im gay or from years of checking my reactions to it.

    I cant just calm my mind over my sexuality. People say dont worry about a label but nothing calms me down. I have been fretting about this for 7yrs now.

    I have spoken to a sex therapist and an ocd therapist. Nothing convinces me Im straight.

    I get groinal reactions to guys now (not an erection) when seeing a six pack etc or their underwear.

    Up until age 25 I never questioned myself. I went to an all boys high school and felt nothing to guys. I also had to share a bed with a guy as we were travelling and there were 4 or 5 of us ina single room and I never felt attracted. If anything the opposite. I would sleep as far away from them as possible.

    But it too feels like my sexual orientation suddenly chnged overnight. :frowning2:

    ---------- Post added 14th Jul 2014 at 07:43 AM ----------

    Oh I have been impotent since age 19 for some reason. 32 now. Even jerking to gay porn doesnt get me hard. For years I got hardly any nocturnal erections. If I did they were semi's. Now lately Ive noticed Im getting firmer and more regular nocturnal erections although they are still only 70-80% hard and Im thinking maybe my erections are being reawoken from the dead because Im discovering my new gay self. I still havent had a proper erection in 14 yrs

    ---------- Post added 14th Jul 2014 at 07:44 AM ----------

    I wonder if I am straight with erectile dysfunction, gay with erectile dysfunction, asexual or have an anxiety disorder messing up my arousals
     
  9. paris

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    Have you considered to stop watching porn for a while? I've been off porn for more than a month already and I don't know if it's related or not but I orgasm more easily and it feels better while I just rely on my imagination. Maybe letting your mind to choose a fantasy on its own could help you to determine your sexuality?
     
  10. Eric Dave

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    I actually do use fantasy mostly. MAybe once a moth I look at porn.

    I can get aroused to both girls and guys in fantasy as I am stroking my penis and imagining the sensations so I get no answer.
     
  11. paris

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    Btw why is it so scary for you that you might be gay? Is it because religious reasons, your family, what would people think, etc.?
     
  12. Eric Dave

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    Im not religious, my family know Im worried Im gay. Society? I suppose it would be scary but mostly I just hate getting groinal responses (feels like arousal but no boner) to guys.
    I thought aI was straight my whole life and liked it and now its beign taken away.

    Being gay to me feels like someone told me Ive cancer
     
  13. Damien

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    Ah, the mental tests. I do them as well. This is a journey, figuring out our sexual orientation, I'm sorry to say that the journey can take a while. For most of my adult life, I was either with one of the (very few) girlfriends I had, or, more commonly, fantasized just about women. But for the last few months, since I began to accept that there isn't anything 'wrong' with feeling attracted to the same gender, I have increasingly not been able to 'get off' on the idea, or even an incredibly alluring image, of a woman; but as for guys, well no problem there at present...:grin: But what the real test is, I think, is to get out and meet more people, and see how one feels actually hanging out with a guy one feels drawn to, I mean, wouldn't that be a more accurate indicator of one's orientation than just images of absolutely stunning people who, to be honest, are out of reach for most of us?

    About the arousal for guys, but the inability to picture yourself feeling all cuddly or romantic: I had that too. It seems to have disappeared, as I have begun to shed the strong social and cultural conditioning that says that we can only feel this way towards women. Currently I seek a boyfriend, and to be in an affectionate relationship with him, yes kisses, cuddles, the lot. I don't see why I can't relate to a guy just as affectionately as I would with a woman, I mean they are both living, breathing, warm-blooded human beings...we all feel emotions, we all crave affection. It's a matter of letting go of cultural baggage, I'm finding. It is ingrained in us from an early age, that 'boy meets girl, and they live happily ever after'. But why can't it be 'girl meets girl', or 'boy meets boy' instead? We grow up in a culture that conditions us from day one. That is what I'm letting go of at present.

    But really, the only way to really 'test' yourself is, I think, to find an lgbt meetup group or something, to actually hang out with a few gay folk, and see how you feel then. That is what I intend to do, when I can (can't currently go out anywhere, due to family obligations).

    Hope that is helpful,
    Damien. :slight_smile:
     
  14. YuriBunny

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    Perhaps you're bisexual?
     
  15. Candace

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    I would say that you're probably bisexual, with a leaning towards women. Have you ever wanted to go on a date with a guy? Perhaps pursue a deep heartfelt relationship? Believe it or not, you're still young and I think that you should go experiment and see what you like and don't like.
     
  16. Eric Dave

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    Thanks Damien. I just never want to have sex with a guy or do anything sexual to them. Anyway a gay guy tried to chat me up in a niteclub not long ago and I brushed him off. He later even followed me to the toilet and was looking at me as I tried to go to the toilet in the urinal and it freaked me out so much I wasnt able to go with him there so I zipped up and I nearly ran out the door. I didnt like it at all. I went home and tried to masturbate about it to see if I wa sturned on and even stroking I couldnt get it up. I really didnt like it tbh.
     
  17. offmychest

    offmychest Guest

    my question to you is that if you're into women and aroused by them, why are you obessing over if your'e gay for 7 years. you probably have some form of gay ocd. its when straight people worry and obsess over if they are gay when they have no gay attraction but since they think it would be a terrible thing to have the orientation, they worry over if they have it. its simple bro. if you're walking down the street and see a hot guy, do you think "he is an attractive guy" or do you think "if nobody would know, i would love to hit that!" stop making this more complicated than what it is. you are either crushing on women mostly or men mostly and if you're only crushing on women, end the gay ocd.
     
  18. Eric Dave

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    When I was growing up until now I notice hot girls. Want to chat to them or for them to take interest in me. It makes me happy when I feel they fancy me.

    If there is a good looking girl at a checkout I try and make sure I get served by her as opposed to someone else.

    I have been impotent since age 19 hence after 6yrs of that I started to question if I was gay.

    I am still impotent 7yrs later even when jerking to guys to test but I started to get these groinal responses which feel like arousal when I see guys on tv, in pictures or on the street which freak me out. I dont get erections but it feels like my balls tingle or tighten up. It really makes me depressed. Walking down the street and I see a guy that my groin responds to my thought is 'oh no!' and my mood plummets for the rest of the day or longer.

    My sex drive to women has decreased significantly. I used to see sexy pics of girls, feel excited and couldnt wait to jerk off to the ic where as now its like looking at a brick wall.

    Also because I havent had a proper erection since 2001 my confidence is shot. A girl I was sexting on ###### invited me over for sex last week and I suddenly got cold feet and declined and then I think Im gay because i turned her down and so I get anxious again and test my arousal to guys.

    My erections are always somewhat soft and it starts to go flaccid within 10 seconds of letting it go with my hand.
    I have checked with straight porn gay porn you name it and this happens.

    ---------- Post added 14th Jul 2014 at 12:51 PM ----------

    Oh and I keep obsessing that Im fooling myself and in denial
     
  19. offmychest

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    ok, from what you said i would suggest you see a licensed therapist/counselor to work through your issues. you may also see a doctor (MD) to find out why you are impotent and if there is some medical reason for this (low testorone, some urology issues?). my guess is that all of this is in your head and you should see a mental therapist to help you work through these issues. you seem to have high anxiety, stress and obessive tendancies which can kills any sexual energy that may be there. seek therapy and medical review and stop spending 7 years doing your own "tests". if this is really an issue for you, then seek the proper help from the experts to get you the help or medicine you need to move forward with your life. i have no more commentary on this thread.
     
  20. Eric Dave

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    I have seen doctors and urologists. I am told my veins may be leaking or not trapping in the blood.

    #but I keep worrying Im gay and that is the cause and therefore need to keep checking to see if I can get aroused by men by masturbating but I never get fully hard.

    Is it possible that I have conditioned my brain to get a shock jolt of arousal when I see a man or is this just my sexual orientation? I dont get a boner but feel like a surge down there and then it stops in its tracks.
     
    #20 Eric Dave, Jul 14, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2014