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Denial?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by goodolmoon, Jul 13, 2014.

  1. goodolmoon

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    Is it possible to go through denial and acceptance at once?

    On one hand, I've been coming to terms with being gay, but on the other hand, I'm in denial in the sense that I feel really weird about it. I don't even know how to articulate it properly. I just feel weird being around my family and knowing that I'm gay when they don't know, or trying to even imagine coming out to them someday. Does that make any sense? I guess I feel almost guilty in a sense.

    And then there's the feeling of, "maybe I'm wrong," where I feel like if I come out to anyone, I can't ever, not change my mind, but I guess go back on it? Like I feel like I won't be able to find guys attractive just because then I'll be expected to be a lesbian and only find girls attractive.

    I don't even think this makes sense, I'm sorry. I just needed to put this out there and kind of write everything down somewhere. :eusa_doh:
     
  2. HTBO

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    No, it's normal what you're experiencing. Coming out is an extremely confusing, emotional period. I had the guilt around my family, friends, pretty much anyone who knew me. And yes, I did question a lot. I wanted to make sure I wasn't wrong. I don't know how many times I googled 'am I a lesbian?' Too many times, and finally I realized I knew the answer to that inside, I had to find out what it was and listen. That's when I let my natural instincts be my guide and discovered it was women only that I'm attracted to. There's no definite way to tell you how you're feeling, but you do know the answers. You could be bi-sexual, just because you like girls doesn't mean you have to like girls only, you could like boys too. Nothing wrong with that.
     
  3. hoodie boy

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    What you're saying totally makes sense. I've only recently started to come to terms with my own sexuality, and it's certainly a confusing experience. Sometimes there's self-questioning, anxiety, and doubt. Keeping secrets around close friends and family is difficult, especially when it's a secret this big.
    You don't have to choose a label for yourself if you don't want to. For now, you can simply be content knowing that you're attracted to women, and if you ever feel the need to talk to someone about your orientation, just tell them that you're attracted to the same gender. Unless you're certain you have no interest in men, there's no reason to come out as a lesbian. Choosing a label may help you identify your sexual preferences, but it won't have any real impact on your orientation.
     
  4. goodolmoon

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    Thanks :slight_smile: that sounds a lot like me, actually. I'm glad someone else has been there before, too. I think some guys are attractive, but I would only really want a sexual relationship with girls. I just mean that if I come out, I can't say that a guy is attractive or anything casual because then it wouldn't really make me a lesbian, you know? Which I know is dumb, because acknowledging that someone is attractive doesn't mean you want to have sex with them, but still.

    ---------- Post added 13th Jul 2014 at 09:07 PM ----------

    Thanks, hoodie boy. I feel like I'm so obsessed with finding a label or putting a name to what I'm feeling that everything else is becoming irrelevant. :confused:
     
  5. paris

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    Yep, it's quite normal. Was there, done that. Btw that "maybe I'm wrong" thought comes less frequent with time. Just be yourself and know that you don't need to prove anyone anything. (*hug*)
     
    #5 paris, Jul 14, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2014
  6. Mogget

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    It's human nature to second-guess our decisions, and while being a lesbian isn't a choice, identifying as one is, and is a fairly major one with a lot of power to impact your future. I'm going through the same thing with gender right now and went through it with my sexual orientation when I worked out I was into boys.
     
  7. ChromeNerd

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    I've had this problem for four years! It's driving me crazy. I want to be gay, but I often get thoughts about being bi or asexual. I used to be in denial and I still feel the effects of it today. I often "respond" to guys who are attracted to me and end up looking like I'm attracted to them. Even though I'm not. It's very annoying. I also notice people never believe me when I come out to them. Maybe because I'm too feminine and unsure looking.
     
  8. goodolmoon

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    Yeah, that makes sense. I guess for now I should work on figuring it all out before labelling it, huh. Thank you all, by the way. (&&&) I hope I'm not being too much of a bother...I feel like I've been asking too many questions on here :icon_redf
     
  9. wanderinggirl

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    Very well said; the difference between being something and identifying as/with it is huge. Many of us understand we can't help who we are, but to fully own it and have that be our identity... that's a whole other can o' worms.

    Maybe that's the source of so much distress for us, that we know something in our hearts but applying a label packaged with so much baggage to ourselves is a difficult step, and we only feel like we "deserve it" if our feelings fit 100% into that specific mold.
     
  10. Candace

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    I mean, just like when you come out to people and tell them that you're gay (meaning that they have to adjust), when you tell yourself that you're gay, you have to adjust to it as well. I think, from my experiences at least, coming to terms with your sexuality is something that will be harder for you to deal with than say family members. If they don't like, they can run away from it. You cannot. For that reason, you should embrace it and not think anything weird about it. There's nothing weird about having red hair or having a cleft palate is there?

    I think that it's perfectly normal, the situation that you're experiencing, because at the end of the day, we all want to be loved. If it were guaranteed and told right to your face that you would be loved for being gay, then I feel that you wouldn't feel so weird about it. That's all. We just want the continuing love and support, despite our sexual orientation. I wish you good luck and thank you for informing us on this. I hope what I said helped you in anyway or was enlightening to some degree. :slight_smile: