So, I'm a lesbian. I've known this for many months and I've come out to my sister a few weeks ago. Now, during this time, I've also been thinking about boys. No, this is not a "I'm a lesbian who wants a boyfriend and thinks boys are cute. I'm probably bisexual, but you know. What are you gonna do!?" thread. I like girls. They're much more attractive than guys. (Not trying to say guys are ugly.) And if I'm supposedly bi, then I have some strong female preferences. I've been thinking about them in terms of how much I don't want a man and how straight sex would feel wrong. I keep thoughts about males negative and encourage fantasies about females. This happens all the time. I mean, the female part isn't really forced. It's the male part I'm sick of. Am I trying to prove something to myself? Is this some way of confirming I'm a lesbian? There's more to this too. Sometimes, when I see a commercial featuring a straight couple getting married or see a boyfriend and girlfriend together on TV, I imagine both of them being girls. Sometimes even two guys. For example, if there's a show with some airhead teenagers being all like, "Oh my god! That guy is so cute!" In my mind, I'll replace it with, "That girl is so cute." Even involving anime. I've written a fanfiction with two girls coming out to each other and making out (This is better known as Yuri). And it's Hetalia! A fandom full of Yaoi (boyxboy)! Do you guys see how desperate I am? (I'm even speaking gibberish to non-anime fans for god's sake!) I think the above might have to do with wanting to meet other gays/lesbians/bi peeps or wishing that being gay was the majority. This might have to do with a video I saw where this was the case and a girl was being picked on for being straight, but still. I don't want to be a "heterophobic", especially since I'm constantly surrounded by straight people and there's nothing I can do about it. What should I do? Any suggestions? :help:
If those thoughts about not liking guys compared to girls and hating straight sex come naturally, then you're probably not forcing it or trying to prove it to yourself. You already know, and you're the only person who can confirm. And there's nothing you have to prove to validate that identity. As for the whole 'straight jealousy' thing, it does get easier with time. Heteronormative everything gets really annoying after a while. I know it sounds horrifically cheesy, but being straight is the same as being gay, bi, pan, etc.; you didn't pick it, and you can't control it. Everybody's gotta be shown the same respect. It gets easier to cope with when you do talk to others who are LGBT, and get some time to cope with it. If it helps you out though, the internet is a wonderful source of gay love stories, and helps combat everything in other media.
I think what you're feeling is very natural- LGBT are oppressed, kind of the same as non-whites used to be (though the transition I think is softer this time around). And it's taking some time for society and hollywood to integrate them in. Thing is, after 50 years, how many main characters for things AREN'T handsome white men with a pretty white female to have? If we let this bother us, then at the end of the day as I'm sure you're very aware already, we're only hurting ourselves. But you can't just change your feelings over night, so we also have to have patience with ourselves.
i feel really similarly. specifically the disgust i feel when i stumble upon straight porn on my tumblr dashboard, lol. i think its pretty normal, although maybe we have some underlying reason for feeling this way towards men?
