I think the title pretty much says it all. . . But I could really use some advice on how to be more accepting of myself. Or perhaps how you learned to be more accepting of yourselves. :help: I'm a lesbian. Sure there are some small nuances with a minor attraction to men, but I think I want to end up with a woman. However, I'm having a really difficult time accepting my attraction to women. I can't seem to get past the denial and bargaining stages of acceptance and its been 4 months since I first admitted to myself that I'm gay. ( I might slowly be starting to enter the mourning/ depression phase right now, but it doesn't feel like much progress.) I think that eventually I'll need to go to therapy, but its probably easier if I just wait 6 or 7 weeks when I will be back at my University (i'd probably only be able to make like 4 sessions before I left). Or maybe it is worth talking to my mom about therapy, I don't know. Thoughts? I still haven't come out to my dad, and I just cant bring myself to tell him yet. However, I'm going to have to tell him soon (by the end of july), for my mom's sake, and he'll also have to know if I want to go to therapy when at home. I'm also struggling with internalized homophobia, not based in religion or a conservative up bringing, just society in general and a lack of good LGBT role models/ representation in my life growing up. Any thoughts on the therapy idea? Wait till I return to my University or seek counseling at home over the summer? Any other words of wisdom would be much appreciated too, thanks again everyone (*hug*)
Therapy is never a bad idea. Even if you don't need it, it can't hurt. I think the fact that you're asking EC about therapy is enough of an indication that it would be beneficial to you. One of the biggest things that helped me in accepting myself was making gay friends - especially friends that are in happy/stable relationships. Doesn't matter if they're male or female. Being friends with a couple can help you to see how normal gay relationships and being gay in general can be. Also, during the process of learning to accept your gay friends - you also end up directing that acceptance at your self a bit. Peace! (*hug*)
Buddy it's been almost 2 years and I'm still struggling with accepting myself; there's no time limit on how long it takes to get used to a whole new identity and a whole set of things that come with it, real or imagined. You should definitely go to therapy in 6/7 weeks; in the meantime, you probably need an outlet for all the feelings you're experiencing. Whether thats with another therapist or through finding other people to talk to, that's your call. When I first started coming out to myself my friend introduced me to autostraddle and afterellen; I discovered everyoneisgay, dapperq, qwear, and other sites that helped change my perception on what it means to be lesbian/bi/queer. everyoneisgay takes a really light-hearted tone and sometimes is the only thing that reassures me that everything's okay. It took a while for me to let go of all the negative associations I had with women dating women, and like you, I wasn't brought up in a religious or christian or believing it was wrong. I felt intense guilt about lying to my parents, friends, boyfriends, and family in the past, and projecting a false image of myself. I still worry my friends don't trust me anymore and will leave. I dealt with this by seeking out LGBT people to hang out with; check meetups in your area, or an LGBT center. When you get to campus look for an LGBT group. Over time it's become a smaller part of my life, and the new friends I've made (straight or gay) since then have been completely accepting and it's no big deal. It gets easier, but this stuff takes time. Youre doing just fine. Feel free to message me if you need to talk/vent/rage.
