Hello All, This is actually my first post on here. Very glad I can find a forum and place to vent some of these feelings that I've been holding onto forever. Have not been able to talk to ANYONE about any of this stuff. Any case, here is the situation. I am unsure about my orientation. Now I am likely either Gay or Bi, but not sure really which of the two. Here is a breakdown of the evidence: - I have masturbated to gay, straight, and trans porn throughout my life. I have actually been looking at trans porn the most over the last 10+ yrs, maybe because I was too ashamed of gay porn? I would say I slightly prefer trans porn over the other two, but can easily still masturbate to straight porn and gay porn - Never have had a girlfriend. Closest was a girl I dated for about 3 months, but because of bad performance in the bed, she went MIA eventually. Couldn't maintain erections during intercourse, she would give me oral and I would easily climax. Unfortunately she got tired of it. - I've attempted to have sex with about 8-9 girls total in my life, 2 of them I was successful. Others I was aroused during foreplay and/or oral sex, but would lose erections during intercourse - When I was younger and going to strip clubs, I would get lap dances from female strippers and easily would climax - I've never been with a guy - Don't have any feminine characteristics, although I know that doesn't mean much - Very frequently, when I know I am going to hook up with a girl, I will take a Viagra to help me in the bedroom. This is more about my insecurities and performance. Again majority of times it doesn't work, granted I would be drunk often which severely limits Viagra effectiveness - When masturbating, I've experimented with anal stimulation with my fingers up there and lube, and it does NOT feel good at all. Actually will cause me to lose erections. Guess this means I wouldn't be a fan of receiving anal sex(which I know doesn't define what gay and bi men do with their partners) - I do feel like I have been in love once, and it was with a woman. I met her in South America, and we would FaceTime and Skype on occasion. This is one of the women whom I was able to successfully have sex with. Just seeing her face and joy would cause me to get extremely aroused and wet down there So there it is, my laundry list of my sexual experiences. Sorry if it is very blunt and too the point, but that's what I came up with out of the top of my head. At this point, I feel now that I could never feel emotionally in love with a man, only with a woman. It would only be a physical/sex thing with a man, at least that's how it feels now. Is it a good idea to try and hookup with a man to be sure? And if I were to eventually come out as Bi/Gay, it would be extremely hard. I would definitely have the biggest problem telling my parents. They are more liberal and very loving, but are both old school and I really believe it would torment them. Anyways, that's my story. Any ideas or suggestions?
I guess I have to ask, what is your question? The porn stuff isn't a tell tale sign of anything other than you being a visually driven male. It doesn't dictate anything. Some straight males are turned on seeing other males. It isn't a sign that you are gay, but that your arousal is easily triggered by things sexual in nature. The thing with not being able to maintain an erection might be due to stress. Viagra doesn't make you hard, it simply makes it easier to get and maintain an erection. If you are stressed/worried/drunk etc, it won't help you. My suggestion is to work on whatever is causing this and work to resolve it. My libido improved significantly once I got rid of a huge pile of stress in my life. As far as anal play, If you are still curious, read up on stimulating your prostate. The act of penetration doesn't do anything for me at all either, but if you hit the right spot, its very enjoyable. But it takes learning what you like and don't like. It might be that you simply don't care for it. Again, this doesn't mean anything one way or the other. As for your preferences, it sounds to me like you are likely straight curious or Bi. If you don't plan on being with a guy, I see no reason to tell your parents anything. At some point you might tell a GF/Wife (preferably when they are a GF) that you were/are curious, and likely they might be understanding and give you a place to vent. (No for sures on that, some relationships don't lend themselves to that kind of openness).
Hyaline, thank you so much for the response. I've always thought that way about myself being a visually driven person. Random sexual stuff just gets me going, I've had weird phases in the past of looking at all sorts of stuff. I think the stress thing is definitely spot on, I need to figure that out. Regardless if I'm with a girl or guy, the stress is going to complicate and limit my abilities to maintain relationships. I am interested in trying the prostate stimulation, but I'm not sure what I'll make of it. Overall I still need to figure it out. Again there is a history of me looking at gay porn, in addition with straight porn. Would you encourage me to get over my fears and attempt to try and hook up with a guy? What would be the best way, perhaps ******. In my mind if I try to do it in a forced way like a ******, it won't end well. I'm not into random hookups period, so not sure if that could ever work. Again thx for the responses, I already find this to be helpful !!
Just noting that there are censored words, which are censored for a reason (Mainly to protect our younger members). However, if you're not into hookups, which is totally fine because not everyone is, then it's probably best to stick by that because you could regret it later. Hookups aren't bad, but if there's already a sense that you'd regret it, it might not turn out for the best.
Apologies for the censored words. I do appreciate the feedback. Another question I had was around excessive use of porn, does that tend to confuse people even more? I have noticed that the more you rely on, the more you become a visually driven person like Hyaline had said. Should I try steering away from porn and masturbation and try to figure this out through other means?
Masturbating and porn can be decent indicators of sexuality, but depending on how you view them both, they might just be warped compared to sexuality as porn is made to be titillating, and masturbating's not necessarily about who you'd want to spend your life with or would find attractive in general, especially if you're doing it in conjunction with porn. I say this because you might just be focusing on what is supposed to be attractive, and that could be confusing. It might be more helpful to try masturbating without porn and seeing where your mind drifts or what you're attracted to in your day-to-day life. There can be a big disconnect between what we're attracted to in porn and media as an extension, and what we are when we're just walking about on the street, because after all both are targeted to consumers, and are self-perpetuating in that they show us what we're to like and we often like it as a result. Apologies if that was a mess, but hopefully you found some meaning in the waffle.
I'm with Luthan on this. Not sure a hookup would be the best thing. (Not saying it won't be). The truth is, you might be into it, you might not be. If you go in with the expectation that it is simply what it is and the other person knows you are simply curious it doesn't need to be complicated. As far as the prostate stimulation, there are places online to get more info. There are devices specifically with this task in mind. They are quite fun, not very thick and push just the right spot. But again, it isn't for everyone. It is not about the penetration, but rather the task of stimulating that sensitive area... Then again, I think until you work out your stress issues, I think you'll probably be stuck in the holding pattern you are in now. Focus on yourself and find out why you are stressed. odds are, its the same stuff we all deal with, Work, family, friends, money....etc etc... Work on things in small steps.. if you have to, be brave and get rid of a huge chunk if you can. (I gave up a huge car payment for an old beater and while the beater isn't a perfect solution, since I carpool and my BF has a newer car, we can easily make this workable). My stress level dropped a ton once I did that. But my stress was because we were sliding backwards financially.. So this helped stop that and I instantly felt better.
