If you make a graph of attraction level to frequency (scale for both 1-10), for males and females, the females are more frequent while the males are super infrequent, but with much more attraction. The integration of both curves is about the same (the area under the line). So... Why is this? I've started wondering if I'm a person who identifies as bi because I want to meet societies' standards. Or that I have accepted I'm non-linear, but not sure what are mine and other people's expectations of me and if the attraction is so uncommon because it is an ideal. I haven't really explored this more than a theoretical debate with myself (don't worry, I don't actually talk to myself and give my words sound, that seems way too off the rocker for me). I've gone on a few dates with the perfect on paper guy. The type that I keep going "I can make this work!!! Why won't it work?" Seriously, a lot of you on here would swoon. USMC, firefighter, EMT, volunteers with children, deep brown eyes and attracted to me without pushing me. My friends called him Captain America. But, it just didn't work for me. So, I've wondered if I've held out for an ideal. And when I meet the ideal, I realize I don't want it. So, imagine my surprise when out of the blue, I meet a male friend of a friend and we hit it off. I thought I'd just figured this out, right? But, I feel like we had a connection. I don't want to hurt him, or lead him on. I'm already going through the list of why this won't work. He is 18 years older than I am, and yes, I know that makes him old enough to be my father, but that is the only thing I can come up with. (Does this mean I have Daddy Issues?). He is funny, he respects my boundaries; he finds new ones, but won't try the established ones. Intellectually, I know that perusing this relationship is okay. That I will learn and grow as a person. Shouldn't everyone be on a journey to learn more about the ever changing self? The thing is, I don't want to hurt him, so I don't want him to be my experiment to my hypothesis about my sexuality. So... Should I have the discussion with him of where he and I stand? I can picture it as follows: "So, I'm bi. I think I may be a lesbian, but I like you and want to figure it out. Do you have condoms? By the way, I'm also a virgin. Is any of this a problem?" This is what people write into Penthouse about, by the way. I will share with him, if we do get into more than fling, but I want to be honest without setting myself up to be a conquest. I think I'm really writing this in a plea for support. I need to hear that I'm not manipulative for wanting to date someone just to see where it goes. I'm a very analytical person (If you stayed with me through the calculus, I think you figured it out), but this situation isn't logical. He is too old for me. But, if I'm not looking for anything long term, that is okay, right? Or am I? I don't know. I could really use some encouragement. I'm pretty fond of myself. I have a great career, I'm independent, I'm smart, and pretty. If things don't go well, it is a personal failing. I need to get over that mindset, also. Thank you anyone who stayed with me through this rambling shambling monologue.
Really? I do actually talk to myself sometimes, and aloud too, usually to really drive home a point about something I need to learn. Then again, I live alone, with just a cat for company, so maybe I've gotten a bit odd over the last few years. Being a guy, and one who identified as straight up until a few months ago, I would say that, at some opportune moment, to be upfront about what you are seeking out of your association with him. I don't think he will be offended at all. If you make it clear that you like him, but that it could just be a temporary thing, then it isn't leading him on, correct? But as I'm now somewhere between bi and gay, maybe my advice is already out of date...I don't know. But as I said, communication and honesty, you can't go wrong with those... Damien
So, you talk to the cat! Sorry if I offended. You are correct. It wouldn't be leading him on. And if he hears what he wants to, that is his error. I'm between bi and gay, too. Which is why I am so surprised my feelings lasted more than a couple days. You are right about communication and honesty. Thank you.
think less. follow the heart, the doki of the beat, be honest to him and it'll be alright, u got this
