Did you ever confuse your gayness with ocd?

dude, I have been terrified that i'm gay everyday for the past few years, its really starting to mess up my life. It's fucked up because im thinking about coming out even though im not sure im gay at all, I am attracted to women but fear that its false, I am very conflicted and back and forth all time between wtf is real or not. sometimes i think im straight, sometimes bi, sometimes gay, sometimes any other fing thing my mind can come up with.. I would love to get it off my mind alllll daaay loong! I'm sorry to respond with my problems and not an answer.. I just felt i could relate to your post.

 

have you tried (excuse this i hope i am not insensitive or anything) experimenting, i know that probably wont help your ocd but it might calm your mind for a bit and if it does not you could try a therapist or medication, sorry i am not much help

 

oh why does it frighten you?

 

Hey Eric Dave. I don't have OCD but I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder which causes me to have a lot of anxiety and obsessive thoughts, too. I am also pretty sure I'm gay. And being me, I've been pretty obsessed with that subject. It's constantly, I mean constantly, on my mind. But here are (maybe) some differences between me and yourself?

I am not terrified of the fact that I'm attracted to women. I am terrified of coming out and facing discrimination from others, but the attraction itself is a pleasant thing. I have had crushes on women in the past, significant crushes that most women would have on men, and the more I think about it the more information like this seems to reveal itself to me, despite my heavy denial for years. I don't seem to have much, if any sexual attraction to men. I've spoken to my therapist about it and though she was surprised, she definitely didn't tell me I'm straight.

I'm not familiar with your story, do those things differ for you, or no?

Are you still seeing a therapist? And have you tried medication for your OCD?

 

wow im sorry for that, is there anyone you can talk to about this? has your sexuality always been like this or is this new?

 

what about women?

 

um im very sorry but i REALLY cant read that, im legally blind and it would cause some SERIOUS eye fatigue, can you give me the cliff-notes, if you can?

 

Hi Eric,

I think you might benefit from getting some professional counselling about this fear. Just make sure it's a secular counsellor who will be able to give impartial, non-religious help. Because although I was 'straight' for twenty five years (or so I thought), when 'that feeling' happens to me - that arousal you speak of - I am learning that it's perfectly ok, natural, good, nothing wrong with it at all. Guys can be attractive, that's just reality. Even when I was straight (or thought I was) I found the occasional guy interesting.

In my case, I think the religious folk did a pretty effective job on me early in my life, making me feel bad about being attracted to guys as well as girls. I'm learning how to let go of that early conditioning and those guilt-trips they burdened me with, and the more I accept that it's ok for me to get aroused by, and I have to be direct, actually 'get off' on guys, I am feeling sexually liberated. Free. That's the only way I can describe it.

I know it's hard for you, with this fear that comes up. So do get some professional advice on how to overcome it, and preferably someone who is educated about lgbt issues. Your 'fear' is unnecessary, but I think you need to discuss it, to find that out.

take care,
Damien.

 

I think it would probably benefit you to go back to therapy, and talk to the therapist about starting medication, as well. If your previous therapist didn't work out you can try seeing someone different this time.

For a long time I resisted meds myself, but they've helped me a lot since I've started on them. I'm far more functional now than I used to be. If your therapist agrees it's something you should seriously consider. You probably need to deal with your OCD before really determining your sexuality. I couldn't even think about stuff like relationships for a long time because I was so wrapped up in the day to day minutiae my anxiety would make me focus on.

I don't think it's a good idea to look for "negative" signs like an absence of crushes on guys, that's like a non-sign. If you were in denial, would you really think you're gay everyday? Wouldn't you be telling yourself "I'm straight"? I know that's what I told myself when I was in denial, though I also can't pretend to be an expert on it.

 

I have thought that experimenting might be the only way to ease my mind on the ever persistant subject, but don't really know how to go about it.. maybe it would help you too? I mean, I'm in constant fear that I'm gay,, only one way to find out?

 

ok thank you and i agree with Damien, you might need professional help with this

 

Is anyone from the UK here? do you know if its possible to get free professional help from a psychologist or a therapist or do you have to pay for these things?