I've joined this site to especially post my thoughts and to see if anyone is going through/has been through the same thing as me. I have a lot of LGBT friends, I barely have any strong straight friendships, but I can't even be upfront with them because even though they're gay, they are extremely judgemental and borderline homophobic. Only two close friends I have from a different friendship group share very similar sexuality views, but we never discuss feeling scared or question what we are. I have been questioning my sexuality for around a year now. I am romantically and physically attracted to men. But I am also very attracted to women, but I think it's only a sexual attraction. Recently it seems to have intensified. Every night for the past week I have had lesbian dreams which started out timid but came extremely graphic a few nights ago. I think my mind is trying to tell me something. These dreams turn me on a lot and now I have the massive urge to have lesbian sex. I have made out with many women but never had sex with a woman. I can't stop thinking about lesbian sex. I have been looking at a lot more women in a sexual light where I wouldn't have done a few months ago. The past few months or so, I discovered I can only successfully reach orgasm during masturbation when thinking about women. I've tried thinking about men but it does not work. I mostly only watch lesbian porn. I mean real lesbian porn, not two straight women having sex for male gratification. Straight porn barely turns me on. I'm scared I'm going to lose all feelings for men. I still want to be attracted to men. I don't mind being attracted to women too but it feels stressful, confusing, and complicated. I guess I don't really know what I'm asking here. But has anyone gone through this? I think I just am desperate for a label to be put on things so my feelings seem definite and comfortable. Thanks for reading.
First of all, don't worry about labels, they can confuse more than clarify. First you have to sort out your feelings and then you can find a label that fits; going the other way doesn't work. Also, if you are attracted to men, there's no way you're gonna "lose" your attraction to them, so I wouldn't worry about that. Also I don't know what brought on your questioning, but it sounds like something you want to explore, so let's just first acknowledge that these are valid feelings. How have your romantic relationships been in the past? Do you enjoy dating men? Do you see yourself dating a woman? What started your questioning phase?
Hi AphroditeLady, While I'm not in the same boat as you, I can tell you from what I've read here, what you are going through is a very common story. Boys and then men, for me were always "meh". They really only interested me in that I wanted to be better than them in school and cleverer than them in life. I have recently clued in to the fact (as I was seriously clueless) that it was probably females I wanted to be with and as such my sex drive has kicked into high gear when thinking about it. (I'm sure hoping a real life encounter will bring it back down to more manageable levels. ) I don't know if you will lose your attraction for men but maybe you're bisexual and just now going to be into females for the time being. I think you just have to let yourself go with flow. I believe the worrying/conscious/voluntary side of our brain just needs to let the dictating/involuntary side of our brain do its thing and go along for the ride. Hang in there.
To answer your question, Yes you are normal and I'm not only saying that to make you feel better but there are numerous people here who are in the same situation as you. The thing about sexuality is we don't get to choose it. It's not something to be scared of. It's part of who you are but it's also normal for the way with how you react to this change you are dealing with. We are here to support and help you.
Thank you for answering. I enjoy dating men generally. I'm only 20, so I haven't had many significant relationships, but the ones I have had were good when they were good. But really bad when they were bad. Always seem to be filled with drama and there have been a lot of times where I never felt on par with my partner and never felt satisfied emotionally. Generally I would say I can't see myself dating a woman and that I only feel sexual towards them and nothing more. But there is one woman I know, who is lesbian, and I feel more than sexual to her.She doesn't know of course and don't think I'd ever have the confidence to even hint to her of what my feelings are. I think I have always been attracted to women. I remember from a very young age I was drawn to certain women and was very curious by them. But recently, my feelings have suddenly intensified and I've become hugely attracted to women and have an even bigger urge to be sexual with one. ---------- Post added 8th Aug 2014 at 01:47 AM ---------- Thanks for replying. I totally feel the same as you as in hoping a real life encounter will bring down the huge urges. If I have a real life encounter then I'd think I'd be more calmer since sometimes all I can think about is having sex with a woman. But thank you. I agree that I should just go with the flow.
