(I'm a 17 year old Male from England) Hey guys, so I'm writing to you all right now to get your opinions on what exactly it is that I am. So, to start off, my entire life I have been attracted to men, and when I say attracted I mean that they "turn me on", and that women have never been able to turn me on. I have watched straight porn and (I know this is getting a little explicit but I'll try to keep it down) I can actually get off to it, but the only part of straight porn that I find hot is the naked man. Now I know your probably thinking at this point "Well, to be frank, you sound totally gay", that's what I thought up until recently. So, recently, I've been being more honest about my sexuality, for example, when applying for jobs. under the section that says "Sexual Orientation", I select "Gay", however, lately I've been getting second thoughts about my sexuality, don't get me wrong, men still turn me on and women still don't, I've just been quite unhappy. I see things that straight couples can do such as make love in front of a roaring fire and it's all very natural, I always see that and want it for myself, however every time I picture doing that with a guy it never seems natural to me and it never makes me happy or fulfills me. Plus, every time I go to bed, I always fantasize about laying next to and sleeping with the girl of my dreams, and not the guy. One important thing to note is probably that I have never been in a relationship with a girl OR a guy. At the end of it, I guess what I'm saying is that I had made my peace with being gay and everything, my friends are cool with it and I have a very gay-friendly family, I just cannot for the life of me picture myself living my life with a man and not a woman. Can you please help me, what do you think I am, any and all advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
You definitely sound homosexual, my friend. Unfortunately our ideology is not related to our innate sexuality, you face the same problem that many gay and lesbian people face. Many, including myself, want to be straight and imagine situations such as that.
How gay does one have to be, to be gay? This is all part and parcel of the wonderful (or not so wonderful) Kinsey rating scale. Have you heard of that? I'm gay, of that I have no doubt, but can I recognise attractiveness in the opposite sex? Yes. Does that reduce my rating on the Kinsey scale and make me a lesser gay male? I don't know and I don't much care really. I know I am gay and that's all that matters. I have seen openly gay men on this forum say that they could even have sex with females (some actually have in the past) but that doesn't make them bi or questioning. Their attraction and overwhelming desire is still for the same sex and they are gay, but they have gone a step... or several further than where you are. Sometimes we pay too much attention to these thoughts that crop up in our minds and over analyse what it all means (nothing much usually). It could be a response to any number of things at a given moment in time. From what you have told us, nothing much has changed. The thoughts may come and go from time to time, but unless you notice a huge swing in your desires and really serious attraction to the opposite sex you are most likely still gay (Kinsey 5 )
I'll tell you a short story...At first I thought girls had really nice hair and they smell nice, then second I thought they have nice really bodies. From that on it grew to an interest, attraction, and crush. At that time I cannot imagine myself being with a girl but over the years the attraction became stronger. Just so you know I still fantasize about being with guys because I know its "easier" to be with them even though I'm fully aware I like girls. Since we live in a "heterocentric" society maybe you are still not used to the idea/unfamiliar. Give it a time and don't be easily followed to labels. Sexuality can be fluid, its not a black or white thing. I know a girl who is completely straight but fell in love with a person who just happened to be a girl.
You sound gay to me as well. It might very well be that you're just not used to the idea of spending your life with a man, because it's not something one commonly encounters in the media nor in real life. Or maybe you're homosexual but heteroromantic? It happens. Can you imagine being romantic with a guy at all? Like I personally could theoretically imagine having sex with a dude, but I'd never be able to do romantic stuff with one, including kissing and hugging, it freaks me out, so I stick to women, to whom I have both sexual and romantic attraction.
You sound very confused :eek: Honestly.. I can't answer this question for you.. only you can know the real answer. These thoughts are within YOUR mind. But I will give you my opinion I think you just envy heterosexual relationships.. I do too.. But everytime I imagine myself spending the rest of my life with a man it just.. does not make me happy. The only way I can see myself being happy is being in the arms of a gorgeous woman.. so I don't completely understand you but I believe I understand the envy you must feel. I agree with the girl above me. She wrote down what I would have written down myself. Sorry you are confused and feeling down! (*hug*)
