So since November of 2013, I have been calling myself Bi. Before I admitted to myself that I liked guys I had lots of thoughts about girls. Then I finally accepted myself being bi and started having more gay fantasies/thoughts and fewer straight fantasies/thoughts. Now, my thoughts are mainly gay and really never straight. But, I still identify as bi. I don't really get turned on by girls like I use to so I started to believe I was gay. Now, about two weeks ago I met this amazing girl who I absolutely adore. She is kind, sweet, caring, gorgeous, and a great person. I have developed some sort of romantic feelings, but nothing down below. Before I identified as bi I would have felt something, but not any more. Is this normal? Developing feelings for someone you may not be attracted to? I am so confused!
Check out "sexual fluidity" on google. You may have to search specially for male sexual fluidity. It's a concept introduced to me on this forum and I'm still learning about it myself :s
So there could be two things.. being Romantically attracted or Sexually attracted. As with me.. i more romantically attracted to Girls and sexually to boys. May be because the only relationship i ever had was with a guy, so at least i know i am sexually attracted to men. But i have never felt that strong feeling (romantic feeling) for guys.. it has always been for girls.. I have never wanted to be with guys the way i want to be with a girl but again its a strong romantic feeling towards girls and not sexual. So I give more importance to romantic feelings and consider myself a lesbian than a Bi.
Hi Appy, I've found many folks here with whom I can relate, but the scenario you just described most closely matches what I am currently going through. I understand perfectly. Let me tell you my own story: had a few gay fantasies while a teenager, then upon entering adulthood identified as exclusively straight, had a few girlfriends over the years, but I can tell you, my heart, mind and body lusted after women, and my forays into the 'gay side' were limited to a few thoughts, and even fewer acts that could be construed as suggesting that something was going on with me. But a few months ago, in a spirit of experimentation that coincided with my dropping certain old religious and cultural mores, I began 'allowing' myself same-sex attraction. I decided that logically there can't be anything 'wrong' with it, since no harm is done by it, so I began letting myself (I shall be direct here) both fantasize and also 'get off' on guys. Well what began as an experiment, has kind of taken over my sexual life. Since late March of this year, I have almost exclusively fantasized about guys rather than girls. I sometimes 'test' myself with images of beautiful women who frankly look like goddesses from heaven, and although I can see their beauty, I can't currently 'get off' on them in the way I can on guys. What is happening to me? I actually can relate to your confusion, but with the support of the folks of this site, am learning to just accept the 'not knowing', the uncertainty. I simply allow my sexual desires to go where they will, and if that is on men or women, both of those options are fine. But why is it, that although I can see that female beauty and charm is stunning, why can't I get interested like I used to? What about all those times I lusted over women to the point of madness, that wasn't all a dream, I felt it! But now I seek to explore that side of myself I had suppressed for so long, the side of myself that likes guys. I suspect that I'm a bisexual who simply suppressed that side of his nature, and am currently 'making up for lost time', and that is why it seems that only guys can currently attract and intoxicate my mind with the kind of lust and passion that women used to. And I can relate to what you said about wanting to feel close to a woman, but not sexual. Yes, exactly that! I could even be an affectionate friend to some woman I felt a deep connection with, but really friendship is all I would want with her right now. Thanks for sharing your story, and I hope that by me sharing mine, you can see that you literally are not alone! Damien.
