I really REALLY need help with this since I've been thinking about it a lot and I don't know where else to turn but to all of you. I know that I like girls but I'm not sure how I feel about guys. When I've kissed guys, I've felt nothing and each time I've had thoughts like: "how long is this going to last?" and "I'm really bored right now...", even if I found the guy to be good looking. I've never really kissed a girl but I've wanted to more than once because I've felt attraction but with guys I've mainly done it to gain experience and to see if I would like it or not. What's confusing is that I can find guys super hot and it's like I'm attracted to them but then when I kiss them.. nothing. I feel nothing. But then with some guys it feels like I would enjoy kissing them but I don't actually know if I would. How can I be completely sure that I don't like guys? I mean, maybe I haven't found the right one? Some other info that might help: - I only fantasize about girls and fantasizing about guys doesn't seem to get me excited (I think but I'm not 100% sure) - Only girls have made me feel a spontaneous attraction towards them that I know for sure is sexual - Whenever my friends talk about which guys they think are hot I can't seem to fully understand where they're coming from and I never engage in such conversation with them unless it is to not seem bi/gay. But honestly it feel like I go back and forth between thinking I'm bi and gay and this can change in less than a day. If my sexuality is "fluid", is it really this fluid or am I just not seeing things clearly? If I read what I wrote it seems like I already know the answer to my question but I really don't. I'm extremely confused and would appreciate any help I can get.
I wish there was an easy answer I know that you've probably heard this a million times (I know I have), but labels really don't matter. Putting pressure on yourself to come up with a label doesn't help at all. What you really need to do is take time to focus on yourself, what you want and how you feel. I know firsthand how hard this is, and I'm still struggling with it! But no word or definition is going to solve your confusion. The answer is inside of you and you just need to listen to what it's telling you. Who cares if you're gay or bi? Just live your life, and fall in love with whoever you love. Someday it will click into place and it will all make sense. I know how dumb this advice is!! I'm a pretty poor person to be giving advice because I feel the same way you do, and none of these tips have helped me yet. I think it just takes time though. We'll figure it out in time I hope youre doing well.
^^ best advice. I'm in a Similar situation at the moment. I know this will sound bad but it's kinder nice to know I'm not the only one. Here to talk if you need too. (*hug*)
^^This!! I am struggling with my orientation too. I've found I'm much happier when I just focus on the present moment and how in love I am with my girlfriend. Earlgrey is right on when she says just fall in love with whoever you love! As far as I can tell, that's what life is all about. Best of luck to you - please know you are not alone!
Thanks for the advice. I agree but I'm still someone who wants clears answers, especially when it comes to myself. I don't feel any pressure to label myself because of others, I just want to know myself fully. I think I might be in a bargaining state where I'm making up excuses for not being gay. But if you fantasize about a guy vs a girl and feel nothing with the guy what would you guys make of that? I'm not saying that I will go by what you're saying I just need an outside opinion on this and know how other people would interpret this information if they experienced it themselves. So.. help, please? :help::help::help:
Hi elly, I'm going through the same thing as yourself, wondering if I'm bi or gay. I think we (folks in general) are in too much of a hurry to 'know for sure' even before we've simply explored it for a while longer, first. I think we humans like to reach for certainty; we can find uncertainty difficult to endure. In my case the 'exploration' has been via fantasy, but naturally I am seeking to meet up 'in real life' with some other gay men, just casually, for friendship etc, but really the only way we can find out how we would go in that situation, is to actually go there. I'm not saying 'go and have sex', just maybe to get out and chat, and hang out with, other women who feel as you do. To sum up, don't be in too much of a hurry to label yourself as anything; learn how to be unsure, yet relaxed about this. Finding out about our sexuality is a journey that can take some time. Be patient with yourself here.
