Sorry guys, I had posted in the wrong section Need advise I'm currently extremely confused and it's putting a strain on everything. I'm 22 and always denied being attracted to girls. I started dating my current bf at the age of 17. I love him to death and he means the world to me. I've told him that I'm attracted to girls and he has been very supportive about it. The problem is ... I becoming more and more interested in women. I find myself daily looking at lesbian couples online and wondering what it would be like. I've come out to afew close friends who are straight... They have been there for me when I've needed to talk but it's getting worse.. I've been putting pressure on myself to know what is my sexuality ? Even though I havnt acted on how I feel about other women.. I feel like I'm cheating on my bf. I know it doesn't really matter what my sexuality is as long as I'm happy but I'm feeling really down about it all. Please help!!!
Hello Rose22, welcome to EC. I'd like to tell you it's just a phase but from my own experience I know it's probably not. I've been in a very similar situation as you, been dating my bf for almost 14 years and realized I'm attracted to women a year ago. The biggest difference is that I haven't told him anything yet. Well, I told him I'm attracted to women but unfortunately he didn't get the meaning of what I was trying to say. At first I was thinking that my feelings towards women will pass, I really hoped so, but my desire to be with a woman has only deepened with time and finally I got to the point when I decided to tell him and break up with him. I used to feel very guilty and selfish about wanting to do so but realized it's not my fault I'm gay. I cannot keep living this lie. I want to hold a woman, it's who I am. I can't not act on it anymore because it makes my life unhappy... I'm sorry I can't help you, I can just assure you you're far from alone who's in the same situation. (*hug*)
Hey thanks for reply Paris, I really appreciate it. If you don't mind me asking , how did people react when they found out? I tried telling my mum about it, a year or 2 ago and all she could say was.. 'What about ur bf', 'don't you love him', ' he's such a nice guy ', 'that we are the prefect couple' When all I said was that I'm finding girls attractive.. We havnt spoke about it since.
Well, I decided to do it but haven't done it yet. What's been holding me back is that he's such a great guy and I don't want to hurt him. It's inevitable though. The intimate part of the relationship has been a struggle for a while and I'm afraid I could do something stupid, like to cheat on him. There was one time when I felt so incredibly drawn to another woman I just met that if I had an opportunity I'd sleep with her without thinking. I'm glad I didn't though because I'd hate myself even more... but it was another proof that I can't keep pretending like nothing happens. I feel somewhat ready to tell him. He's away for a few days now and when he's back I'm gonna tell him. My plan is to do it before August 16th. I don't think I'll come out to my parents right after that though. I think I'll need things to settle down for a while first. I can understand your mom's concerns but she's just an outsider to everything and has no idea how you feel and what you've been going through. It's not easy to convey and she probably only sees what she wants to see. I bet she's always dreamt you find a nice guy, a perfect partner with whom you'll have your 'happily ever after' and never considered you might not want that. Please, don't pressure yourself to know what your sexuality is. Try to relax, allow yourself to be open, allow yourself to feel what you feel and see what makes you happy. And remember there are many people here willing to listen and help. Wish you all the best. (*hug*) P.S. It could be helpful to go through the posts in the LGBT Later in Life section.
A lot of times when people appear to be the 'perfect' couple, it's a show. It's rarely like that in reality, at least in my opinion. I told my ex-husband about 4 months ago and initially he was upset but came to be accepting and supportive. My mother-in-law thought it was a phase, and my mother said she hopes I'm not making a mistake. Everyone I've told has been really positive so far, and my mother and MIL were only ones really questioned it, but it wasn't done in a negative way.
