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Why is dating older men seen as weird?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by BearLover, Jul 20, 2014.

  1. BearLover

    BearLover Guest

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    If a handsome young man is dating a handsome old man, why is that weird?

    Surely if they are both handsome then that's quite hot, I don't see what is unattractive about older men, they can still be quite hot even though most aren't. They look just like they did when they were young except a different colour hair and some wrinkles, I wouldn't date someone with loads of wrinkles.

    I'm wondering why is that seen as sick? People think of dating older woman and men as wrong but if you are attracted to someone, does the age really matter? Yes, they may be old enough to be your granddad but that doesn't always mean they are ugly.

    I have many pictures of guys I would say were handsome still at an older age, they just have that mature daddy look to them, the kind that works hard to provide for the family or even you, he's mature, isn't that just gorgeous, the feeling of a real man coming home to you after spending the day in his office?

    In society, they talk about how maturity is attractive, so why not older and younger relationships? If maturity is attractive, then why do we think that older men are unattractive? What is so wrong about 50 years age difference? Surely it depends on how handsome and their personalities rather than how old they are. Nobody has actually gave me a hard time for liking older guys but in society it usually isn't seen as good, people talk about how they would date only 10 years older, but why not 50 years older, I don't see why that isn't hot?

    People say that it's not just about looks but about personality also, I've met a few guys online and they seem to be really respectful, they aren't inconsiderate or annoying like many people my age that I know, they have really good personalities, I just prefer someone who is mature, 1. they can provide you with security. 2. they are respectful and friendly. 3. they dress nicely (suits for example). 4. they have more experiece in bed and would know exactly what to do with you. 5. they are mature. 6. they've experienced life so can help you through most situations. 7. they do nicer cuddles.

    Why is it hard to understand why I like older men? People are fine with me dating older men but they find it hard to understand why that is hot. I thought maybe they would see my fetishes and then think "damn, you know what that's really saucy", but they don't. It's considered weird or pervy. Why is that?

    This is not a rant by the way.
     
  2. dano218

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    As I person who is in a long term relationship with a older man and it has been 1 1/2 yeas and still going strong I think our relationship is as healthy as any and I recommend our kind of love to anyone as long as your not a minor. We love each so much and our relationship works for us and it is not based on money or any other sugar daddy stereotypes.
     
  3. gravechild

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    I'm not sure what being handsome or hot has to do with it. People are usually against them, since the older person generally has more wealth, experience, and power in the relationship, making it one-sided. That's where the whole creep factor comes into play, and I've seen it play out in heterosexual relationships, too.

    It also depends on how much older. Five years, fine. A forty year gap? Much less likely to work in the long-run, at least in a healthy way that encourages both sides to grow as individuals. I'm not going to lie, a lot of older guys who have come onto me seemed desperate and after one thing only.

    For me, the generation gap might be too much. I love to think of myself as "mature" and "traditional" at times, but even then, it's one thing to hear stories, but quite another to try and make different lifestyles work. I'm not interested in another parent, I want a partner who has similar goals and is in a similar stage of life.
     
  4. dano218

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    Yeah tell that to my parents who once they found out about our relationship they did everything they could to stop it and basically drove us out of town. They were very sorry about their attitude eventually but we had to leave.

    I been through so many online relationships where I every guy I met was interested in sex and never really cared for me. I finally met someone that wanted a real relationship and loved me for me. I am not denying relationships like mine can be unhealthy but mine still is very strong, loving and healthy and if someone hates it it is their problem. When half the guys you meet only want sex and a good few want a loving relationship you be lucky to find anyone and I am saying I take what I get all I am saying is don't put limits on who should you love because you might never find anyone and I am glad to the end of the earth to have that someone.
     
  5. Damien

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    Once someone is 18 years old, they can date whomever they damn well please, and in the straight world it is commonplace to see an older, successful straight guy with a much younger woman, so why should it be seen as wrong for gay men?
     
  6. BearLover

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    I know older and younger relationships are seen as unhealthy but doesn't every relationship have it's ups and downs, how healthy is a marriage that continues regardless of whether the couple love each other or not? That's accepted as the norm, but is it healthy? Everything has it's ups and downs, if you are going to say no to a relationship for just one negative then you'll never find anyone. There's no perfect relationship...
     
  7. Chip

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    Dano's experience is the exception that proves the rule. It is very, very rare for a relationship with a large age gap to work in the long term, particularly when the younger person is under 25 or 27 and there's more than a 4 or 5 year age gap.

    Sure, every relationship has problems. The difference is, age-gap relationships have a whole bunch of inherent issues that are likely to cause problems in addition to the regular problems that any relationship is likely to run into. So basically, you're introducing two or three times the number of potential problems to relationships that generally have more potential for failure than their heterosexual counterparts in the first place.

    The issues, which have been discussed here many times, include power and control dynamics due to the different life stages, differences in stages of life, a greater likelihood of incompatible groups of friends or activities interests, and numerous other issues. In particular, it tends to be problematic for the younger person because almost without fail there are dynamics that make it hard for the younger person to develop a healty sense of independence and self.

    Finally, what you commonly find is that the older people in search of younger have a very long history of failed (older-younger) relationships, so they learn to tapdance and say and do everything possible at the outset to convince the younger person how wonderful they are... but once in the relationship, the older person has difficulty sustaining it due to lack of boundaries, interpersonal issues, control issues, and similar issues.

    Is it possible for such relationships to work? Yes. Is it likely? Definitely not. The ones that have the greatest likelihood of success are where the younger person is in his later 20s or beyond, because at that point, the differences in life experience and power/control tend to be substantially diminished.