Hi, Last year I came to the conclusion that I was asexual as I've never had any interest in sex with men or women. I have my own little kinks that can involve either sex but are not essential. However, I am keen to have a relationship as I don't enjoy being alone anymore. When thinking on who I enjoy being with I find I prefer men. I can't see myself spending long periods of time with a woman and enjoying it. I also feel that when I'm with women I have a need to be protective of them and can't share myself with them. With men I care about I feel safe and protected and don't mind talking to them about most things including personal things. So, I'm really confused how to go forward in my life. I want a relationship, most likely with a man, but most people want sex. I can, if I have to, have sex but I don't feel that I'd enjoy any type of sex with men or women... even though I enjoy being close to people. Has anyone had the same feelings? Does anyone know of anyone who has had a successful relationship without one of the couple being very sexual in nature?
A good relationship, by any means, does not have to be based on sex. Unfortunately, the thing that makes most gay men attracted to men is the desire to have sex with them and the whole 9 yards. It is a very new concept to actually have romance in gay relationships, especially since gay marriage has been becoming legal in more and more places. If you really want to date a guy, do it, and be sure that you let him know immediately that you aren't interested in sex. If you find yourself in a great and long lasting relationship, I'm sure that your feelings about sex will change. Good luck.
A thing I try to remember in many many areas of my life is this: If I am this way, then odds are high that there are others who are also. It's completely totally possible to find someone who is asexual to be in a relationship with. And, failing that, it's possible to find someone who is not asexual and work out the discrepancy in sexual interest in a number of ways. Not everyone wants to or needs to have sex. Not everyone wants to or needs to have sex with their romantic partner only. There are ways of working this out with good communication and clarity about where and how everyone's needs are met. I also very much disagree with the idea that your disinterest in sex will change if you find someone you like. Asexuality is a thing and it doesn't need fixing, it's just something that lots of people aren't familiar with. I'm sure there are resources (especially online) to having a great romantic relationship with someone when you're asexual, even if your partner isn't also asexual.
I'm sure there are many couples - gay, straight and bi - that have a sexless relationship. In fact, there's a website over here that caters for just that, though I shan't post it in case it's a forum violation. I'm positive you'll find a dating site that could be for you if you Googled it.
Thanks for all the advice people. Very helpful. And yes, I know that dating site but unfortunately there aren't many people on there in my area who communicate. (And Perth is 3 hours flight, or 2 days drive, from the next area of population)
