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Sexual thoughts=sexual arousal??

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Eric Dave, Jul 23, 2014.

  1. Eric Dave

    Eric Dave Guest

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    So I am questioning. They say you are what you are attracted/aroused by i.e. men or women.

    But there is also a fact that sexual thoughts can cause sexual arousal just by being sexual in nature, that the brain merely recognises sex as sex and so induces an erection or lubrication.


    So I can picture a beautiful girl straddling me and get an erection. Or I can picture a guy straddling me and while I dont get an erection I get sexual sensations in my groin.

    So how do you determine then if this is the case?

    There seems to be somewhat contradictory advice on these forums.
    If you go by thr rule thatyou are what you are aroused by then why are there so many gay married men on here who either left their wife or planning to?

    Are they thinking of men during sex? If not then surely they are bisexual?

    Also most gays say orientation cant change yet if you get very aroused by girls in the past and not guys and then that switches then that cant be right either.

    Also there is evidence out there that the brain is not as hardwired as first thought and the brain is plastic in that it can change itself and rewire itself. If this is the cas ethen there is the possibility that habits and behaviours play some role in 'grooving' sexual orientation.
     
    #1 Eric Dave, Jul 23, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2014
  2. dan89

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    Dude you seem to be having a hard time. You are in the same position I was in. I will tell you my story. I grew up most of my life extremely sexually attracted to women. But one day I woke up with my ocd going mental about being gay. Lasted quite a while. But eventually it faded. I kept on living life. Sleeping with tons of clicks having long term relationships. I'm currently in one now. Then about 7 months ago the obsession came back. This t. I spent 7 months in bed crippled with anxiety. With all the compulsive checking you seem to be doing. Checking gay porn etc it disgusted me for months then I actually started to be attracted to guys. It's horrible with this most of my feelings for women dissappeared, me and my gf are struggling, then a month ago I started getting gay fantasies. Which fuelled me on more. The weird thing is this attraction is genuine, it's not nearly as intense as it used to be with women. But here's the kicker I have spent the last 7 months jacking off to gay porn with complete failure haven't got off one. My body doesn't react to the fantasies and when I decide to give in and decide to masterbate to them my penis goes soft. But then when I occasionally Skype with a few clicks and even though my attractions lie else where I get very aroused and become hard without even trying. During this whole time I tried to masterbate to thoughts of guys but I would always give up after lengthy efforts and think of women job done in a minute. I'm seeing a very good sexuality therapist who is just as confused as me about the situation. But that's becoming more difficult as each day passes. I feel as if I'm turning gay. I know I was born straight and my therapist doesn't doubt it either. My parents and life long friends have all told me there is no way I was gay prior to this. Anyway what I'm getting at is not everyone is the same and the truth is what ever people tell you there is only theory's and no real proof as what causes sexuality. I'm not saying we have control in the matter but I feel like after telling myself I'm gay every second on every day since December I have somehow changed. I almost felt my brain rewireing. It sucks so much to lose identity. Brains are plastic and things can change I wish I could have shut it off. Each day I'm getting more acceptable of myself except I have no idea what I'm accepting. look in to getting ocd treatment because it's very clear you are suffering and the ball sack thing you feel is probably anxiety, read up on groinal responses and ocd. You might be gay, u might be straight which u sound to me to be honest. U might be bisexual but learn from my mistake and obsessing can ruin you. Easier said than done. It's probably guna take me years to undo the damage I have done to myself. If I come put of this gay I will be extremely shocked and it goes against what most say that change is possible. If you can hand on heart say you was once attracted to women even if you aren't atm it's extremely likely you are still straight.....dude you will be fine at the end of the day don't be like me I've lost the whole year sitting in my room. Get a therapist ASAP and please get off this site. People can't help you in your situation because it's your situation. No body knows the answers to your question. A therapist will help you sort out fact from fiction instead of being on here and with your obsessive mind brain washing your self with other people's stories. No one here knows you personally and a few questions on a forum isn't going to give you the answers you need my friend.

    ---------- Post added 24th Jul 2014 at 12:39 AM ----------

    I brain washed my self massively on this site. Other people's stories became my own. Was bizarre, I rewrote my whole life's history and feelings by using this site. Its a great site for the stable mind but I see alot of myself in you so please take my words of wisdom.....get a therapist and leave it to the professionals, it was the worst decision I ever made constantly checking on here....
     
  3. Starwind78

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    Yeah, I'm wondering the same thing too. In my case, I think I've fixated on too many women for me to be 100% straight, but my fantasies usually involve guys - to the point that even women I like usually end up in hetero fantasies. It's confusing.

    To some extent, I think it's true that sexual imagery/thoughts are, by their very nature, sexy regardless of orientation. The first example that comes to mind are the numerous women heavily interested in Yaoi (man+man). Those with fluid gender identity aside, they obviously aren't picturing themselves in the situation, but are able to get off to it. From what I've read, women appear to be more apt to fantasize outside their orientation, so to speak.

    As for sexuality being flexible over time, I also think this can be the case. Right now, I appear to be open to both sexes. In HS, however, I could confidently say that I was straight. Younger still, in early puberty, I was panicking about only having feelings for girls. Considering my age, such inconsistencies could simply be me exploring my sexuality (which could level off later). However, I also have to consider people who have come into their sexual identity crisis later in life. True, many always knew deep down that their feelings for the same sex weren't "normal", but enough have said that their homosexual feelings are new or have never been able to compete with their heterosexuality before recently. I have to take them at their word because that is how I would describe the last year or two of my life.

    As an aside [you did not mention this], I question interpretations of homosexual relations in prison as flexible sexuality. It is an oversimplification to suggest that this occurs due to lack of contact with the opposite sex for pretty obvious reasons. I don't think it's just a popular conception that prisoners use rape as a weapon to establish control and feed some kind of power trip.

    In sum, I really think there are some sizable gaps in our knowledge about homosexuality. The existence of homophobia itself indicates this. And, even without religion, I think people would still struggle to come to terms with the concept because we don't understand it well enough [heck, homophobic atheists are alive and well].
     
    #3 Starwind78, Jul 23, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2014
  4. stocking

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    Not all the time but most of the time .
     
  5. Eric Dave

    Eric Dave Guest

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    Hi Dan. My story is so long, so complex and intertwined I'd fry your brain.

    Basically was happy as a teen, although shy, and inexperienced believed I was straight, ALL my fantasies bar 1 were about girls. Im talking thousands bout girls versus 1 for a guy just to see what it was like.

    Went to an all boys high school but dont recall any crushes at all about guys there. Tbh I never even thought about it. I did however fieel a bit left out when the other guys would be enthralled with britney and j-lo. Like they seemed to be infatuated. I wasnt affected. Maybe thats a big indicator Im gay?

    Anyway I kissed a girl age 19. Apart from age 12 experimenting with girls next door (I didnt like it-another sign???). I was kind of asexual up until age 14. Didnt have any crushes on girls or guys. Oh yeah so my first 'real' kiss. I was in a niteclub. I saw this girl dancing near me and I felt this massive urge to ravish her. Anyway I did but was a bit disappointed as kissing and her ass didnt feel as good as I expected. I got mononucleosis from kssig her. Was very sick for 2 months and was bed ridden.
    Developed Erection problems during the illness and its never returned and that was 13 yrs ago.

    Anyway its a venous leak. I started wondering if I was gay because I couldnt get it up for sex with chicks. My sed drive went to zero. I started checking with masturbating about men. 7 yrs later still here, still with erectile dysfunction for women , men etc..

    But convinced I am gay. I have the gay finger ratio, avoid sex with girls, am scared of girls, am getting groinals to guys, none to girls, blah blah blah.

    I am scared of my groinals to guys. I am accepting Im gay and even when I try to check out guys I get scared if I actually feel anything in my groin.

    I am convinced Im gay and its depressing.

    Anyway my full story is available if you click my profile and check previous posts by me.
     
  6. dan89

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    I've read your story dude. I've been following you hence why I'm commenting. See I can't say anything about your situation, like I said this clearly goes deep in your pyscie. And something is blocking you as I said I suggest you get a therapist quick because 7 years is too long. I'm no expert but if you have been questioning for 7 years you should have an answer by now. Read up on groinal responses related to ocd. See if that's what you are experiencing. And the finger ratio take that with a grain of salt, there's a he'll of alot of straight left handed guys too which is apparently related to homosexuality. Dude you won't get any rewarding advice from a forum take my word stay off this and get your self a therapist seriously. It could be so many reasons blocking your penis from reacting. And arousal isn't a sensation you feel in your balls it kind of takes over your whole body. I dunno if you have taken drugs before but it's like taking a really crappy e, buzzing but still normal if that makes any sense. There is not much more advice I or anyone can give. You are not going to get any credible advice on the subject here. Only more paranoia and confusion. Nobody can see in to your head but you and a therapist. Good luck Bro. Hope u find peace my man!
     
  7. Eric Dave

    Eric Dave Guest

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    I spoke to Steven Phillipson in NY. Still no better as my erections are crappy no matter what gender so have no clue who I am.

    Nothing can be done for my erections either. Been to the best urologists in America.
     
  8. Eric Dave

    Eric Dave Guest

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    Hi Dan. I can masturbate about men and orgasm. sometimes I cant get hard and give up like you describe but around 60% of the time maybe 70% I can get hard enough to ejaculate (still not 100% hard).

    My 'attractions' to men are getting stronger and my attractions to women (if I ever had any :/) seem to be dwindling big time.

    I am scared of girls and hooking up now but dunno if its due to my erection issues or gayness.

    I can masturbate about girls still but its not like it used to be.

    I have accepted Im gay but when my groin reacts to men I start getting anxious again and I dont like it. Maybe I have to accept it and get to like it? Am I in denial?