It's been a short few days since I realized that I am bisexual. It's been a rough few days, to say the least. Coming to that realization has conjured up a lot of emotions and feelings that I've been sweeping under the rug for virtually my whole life...and now that I've rolled up that rug, I'm looking at this big mess I've created for myself. I now realize that I've never been happy with my body or my personality. I've always felt insignificant around my peers, so I always lusted towards them (the males who I thought were better than me) and put on a mask that was my attempt at being like them. The mask said "I HAVE A PERFECT LIFE AND I'M HAPPY, DAMMIT." (pardon the language.) I feel like I've wasted my life in an attempt to be someone else when I just could have been enjoying being me...God's child who is perfect no matter what labels society puts on. Adding to that my becoming bisexual and trying to sort through 18 years of ignored emotions and feelings...it's hard for me to accept that I like guys, and telling people is just a train wreck. I feel lost...broken...confused. I've never felt like this in my whole life. I just need words of comfort and support...I can't do this by myself.
*Internet hugs you* I know the feeling all too well. The first days are always the hardest so please if you feel overwhelmed with your feelings maybe try to find a way to vent (like what you just did actually) and don't feel pressured to jump into this new life of yours. You don't need to tell every person you see that you're bi. I think it would also be good for you to find some LGBT or open friends with whom you feel safe with to admit your feelings to and have them help you take off that social mask of yours.
I do have a friend who is also bisexual, so she's been a good help. I've told 3 friends so far, all girls. Today, I told my friend Josh...and I really sensed awkward. I'm afraid of losing friends over this, and love from family members.
A lot of dudes will have this short awkward phase when you tell them because they question "Does he like me?" Whitch can actually set you up for a boyfriend later...anyways. If you don't like him MAKE SURE TO CLEAR THAT UP ASAP. I can not stress that enough. If you lose friends over this I fear they aren't the type of people you should be friends with in the first place if they are so closed minded.
People assume that coming out as bi is easier than coming out as gay, but the process is just as difficult emotionally. I was depressed for like a year and a half, I felt like I suddenly saw someone else in the mirror and I didn't know who she was. I'm just coming out of that right now, but it was a very rough time. It seems like there's a lot about you you have yet to accept, personality and lookswise; once you start being honest with yourself then being confident in who you are will follow. I'm not saying that accepting your sexuality will solve all your problems, but it will hopefully make you more sure of who you are. It starts with being honest with yourself about yourself, and it looks like you've already told some people. People who never questioned their orientation don't always understand how confusing and draining a process it can be to realize your orientation at any point in your life. It's a big change. Just don't isolate yourself in the meantime; keep engaged in the activities you're into and don't make your whole life about this one thing. Oh, and also congratulations on getting this far! Here's a hug. (*hug*)
I can definitely relate. Now that I've realized that I'm bisexual...I can't look at my own face. I can't believe that I have those feelings...that I'm that guy now...It's a real identity crisis.
