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Being Bisexual is NOT an Experiment

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Jguy365, Jul 24, 2014.

  1. Jguy365

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    Hello, all.
    I would typically post on this forum to get help for myself, but today I am hoping to help other people in return.

    Many people think that being bisexual is an experiment. You say "well I like guys but I'm still interested in women so I'll just see which type of sex delivers the most pleasure."
    That is wrong on so many levels. Being bisexual does not give you automatic permission to just...play around with sex. Being bisexual means that you accept that a man can be just as loving and caring as a woman, and vice versa. You realize that whether you have the same body parts as your partner or different body parts, the relationship is just as valuable.

    I think that many guys, such as myself, come into the decision of being gay or bisexual because of erotic dreams about getting in bed with men and having as much fun as you can. No! It's about LOVE.

    Be driven by your heart...not your penis.

    I hope that this will be helpful to questioning people like myself. It's hard. I know. I'm going through it right now. Just take a look at whoever you think you are attracted to when you are in a normal mood and not horny. Then you will know whether it's actually love...or testosterone.
     
  2. stocking

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    The part I find really sad about it is, most people who make these statements don't know it's actually bi phobic. It's a shame that bisexuality is not respected by both the gay and heterosexual community.
    But also sexual attraction does play a huge part in sexuality and as well as love .
    But if I'm understanding you correctly are you saying you can only be bisexual if you only have romantic feelings for both ?
     
    #2 stocking, Jul 24, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2014
  3. Black Raven

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    I agree with most of what you said, but....

    First of all, what about female bisexuals?
    They don't usually have a penis...

    Second, sex drive and sex itself are very important to most people.
    You sound a bit like you are almost suggesting to deny and ignore that.
    That's wrong. You need to listen to ALL of you, INCLUDING your sexuality, but not be completely driven by any one part. Except maybe the heart, but that's cheesy and romantic. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    And who claims that being bi is an experiment?
    I haven't heard that one before...
     
    #3 Black Raven, Jul 24, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2014
  4. AlexTheGrey

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    I know you mean well, but I'm having a really hard time not opening Pandora's box in this thread. And I'll probably fail. :icon_redf

    Or vagina? :icon_bigg

    This statement is kinda hard for me, since it tends to ignore how things work for bisexuals who may be mostly romantic with one gender, aromantics, and so on. I can sympathize with where you are coming from, and some of the frustrations that I'm sensing from this post, though.

    And I do agree with one point:

    For me that stems more from the fact that nothing gives anyone automatic permission to play with the feelings of other people. I might also be a bit more lenient and say if they are going to play around with sex, don't be dishonest about it, lie, or ignore how your partner feels about it. If two people want to do that, it isn't my business, but if they want to ignore my needs and wishes when I'm involved, that's different.
     
  5. biAnnika

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    I agree completely that being bisexual is not an experiment. But there's nothing wrong with experimenting with bisexuality.

    As you say, being bisexual does not give you permission to just play around with sex...being *human* gives you permission to just play around with sex!

    Love may be a prerequisite for sex for you personally or for your personal ethos, and that's fine. But this is not the case for all people, and there's nothing wrong with those people for whom it's not...people for whom sex *is* about pleasure (whether sheer physical pleasure or the pleasure of connection with another or any other kind of pleasure you care to name).

    But I'll add that *nothing* gives a person the right to mislead another person about their intentions regarding sex or a relationship. If you're treating sex with men or women as an experiment or as sheer pleasure, don't mislead them into thinking this could go somewhere, relationship-wise, especially if a relationship is part of their hopes and dreams.

    Be decent to one another. And have fun.
     
  6. Jguy365

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    I am bisexual too. But here's the thing. Before I came to this realization, I was just cock hungry. I was waiting anxiously for the opportunity to get in bed with a man, maybe even a few different men, and just get wild. I didn't even think about doing it because I wanted to be in a relationship with them...I was just horny.

    Yes, having a sex drive is important, but it shouldn't be something that you use as an excuse to get in bed with as many people you can. You should save it for the person you love.

    Be driven by your heart, not just sexual pleasure.

    Now that I realize how wrong I was, I accept that, as a bisexual, I accept that a man can offer just as pleasant a relationship as a woman. But there should be more to a relationship than sexual pleasure. Am I more clear now?
     
  7. Black Raven

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    Yes, you are.

    But I still feel like you are making this thread to help acknowledge and accept your true self, not help others. Which is perfectly fine, and a good thing to do. You realised your orientation only recently, and still are in the process of coming to terms with it. That doesn't mean that doing it for the sex is bad, you only found out for yourself, that for you, there is more.

    Also, why would I need ANY excuse to get in bed with as many people as I can?
    People are people. They all have different needs and goals.

    Just accept that everyone has to find their own path.
    Your path might not be the right one for others, and driving them down it might not end well.

    @Annika
    I love every single one of your posts.
    Those I read by now, anyway. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    I couldn't agree more thank you for writing the words you did and do.
     
    #7 Black Raven, Jul 24, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2014
  8. stocking

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    Let me get this straight are you talking about people who use their bisexuality as an excuse to cheat on people or just to sleep around ?:confused:
    Are you also saying that only if people have romantic feels that it counts ?

    Well there are people who sleep around in every orientation and who just think about private parts in every sexual orientation .
     
    #8 stocking, Jul 24, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2014
  9. AlexTheGrey

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    All I can really say about this point is that it is a bit of a slippery slope. And it gets real ugly at the bottom of that slope. Stating this as a matter of fact makes it into something that you can use to pass judgement over others for their actions without taking context into account. It treats it as an absolute. That is a dangerous thing.
     
  10. sldanlm

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    Did the people that you were having sex with want a special monogamous in love relationship? Or did they just want sex also?

    There are all kinds of relationships. While some may be wrong for you personally, that doesn't mean that they are wrong for others, provided everyone involved knows what kind of relationship it is. If two or more consenting adults want to have sex just for pleasure, that doesn't make a difference to me at all.
     
  11. Jguy365

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    I never made any physical contact with guys. I just laid in bed, turned on some gay porn and got horny...which is why I don't know yet how I would react if I had the chance to...get busy with a guy in real life. It's easy to want it when I'm laying in bed and watching others do it on video...but if faced with the chance in real life...I just don't know.
     
  12. stocking

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    Maybe your demisexual or maybe just asexual :confused:
     
  13. anaisninja

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    Oh... I'm disappointed. I thought this was going to be a thread advocating for respect for bisexuals. We are not confused. We are not going through "a phase." We are not sluts and we are not cheaters.

    If we don't cease to be treated like red-headed stepchildren by the LGBT community, then just do us a favor and remove the B. That's right - you'll get no bacon in your "grilled bacon lettuce tomato" sandwich anymore. Pretty flavorless, isn't it?
     
  14. Jguy365

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    This post was never meant to be taken as derrogatory towards bisexuals. I am bisexual, too! But I've seen too many people use it as an excuse to sleep around carelessly...and I was almost one of those people.

    I am not calling all bisexuals sex hungry or confused or whatever. I'm saying that if we stopped thinking so much about pleasure and strictl romance, maybe we wouldn't ever have to go through so much self questioning.

    I know what bisexuals go through. it's just as hard and confusing as coming out as gay. I just want people to know that I have found hope and peace in love and am no longer controlled by sex. I just want everyone to know this peace, this awesome peace I have from the Lord. The one who lead me to being bisexual and the one who still loves me and calls me His beautiful child no matter what or who I love, as long as I seek Him. I just want people to know!
     
  15. Black Raven

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    Just stop. Right now. You're being disrespectful again, and probably don't even notice.
    Keep that line of thought to yourself. It's a very personal matter and cannot be generalised.
    You're treading a very thin line here, and you are about to slide off and fall into a pit of hungry lions.

    I'm glad you found your way, and you can scream it out to the world! :thumbsup:
    I'm happy you found your peace, but let others find their own.
     
    #15 Black Raven, Jul 25, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2014
  16. pigpassport

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    The thing is that a fair number of bisexuals aren't 50/50, so they tend to date more people of one gender than another; sometimes people date a few guys when they were younger but then mostly girls as they get older, and some people will see this as an experiment, even though it's obviously not, it's just their preference.

    Also, lots of gay people, myself included, go through a bisexual phase while they're figuring things out, before they realise they're gay. That's another reason that people will think that being bisexual is just an experiment (or in fact, not real at all).

    Obviously people that think these things are wrong and don't have enough education about bisexuality. In fact of all LGBT issues I actually think that bisexuality is one of the things that is least understood, and not just by straight people. But there are reasons as to why they may think these things, even though they're wrong.
     
  17. anaisninja

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    I agree that bisexuals aren't 50/50. The word bisexual itself is inadequate to describe us. Maybe omnisexual would work better. Or maybe that's why some people have adopted pansexual. I don't know what a better word will be. I just know I'm tired of feeling disenfranchised by not just the straight community but by the LG community. I suspect the Ts feel disenfranchised too sometimes.
     
  18. gravechild

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    I'd say that was how it went for me: I actually noticed girls first, sexually, but felt pretty emotionally distant and unfulfilled once I got involved with them. A lot of my dreams and fantasies didn't just involve gay sex, but usually sex with someone I saw myself as being in a long-term relationship with. The whole "physical" aspect didn't even come into play until much later, so I described myself as a homoromantic bisexual for months before settling on just bisexual.

    Even now I'm not opposed to entering a relationship with a woman, but it seems like it would be a *lot* more work to make succeed over the course of years. Sex isn't off the table, but there seems to be less interest in actively pursuing them, just like in school, when all the other guys were going gaga over popular girls.

    I still notice women, first, and probably have a wider "net" in terms of preferences, and sometimes wonder how much of that is due to conditioning. Some people will say your sexuality is determined by who you're turned on by, while others point to desires, and right now, I desire members of the same sex/gender, albeit on the femme side.
     
  19. stocking

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    But not all bisexual people do that and use their bisexuality as an excuse , Plus some people enjoy sex , I think if a bi person wants to enjoy sex with different partners their not hurting anyone as long as they let the people their sleeping with , know they don't want a relationship .

    Other sexualities do this not just bisexuals so why most the bisexual person be made to be the villain ?.:confused:
    Plus not everyone is into relationships bisexual , straight , lesbian and gay .
     
  20. looking for me

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    "Being Bisexual is NOT an Experiment" very true. however, it is ok to experiment if you are straight, if you are gay, if you are BI. in fact it is ok to experiment no matter what orientation you identify with in all the rainbow. As long as you are honest with both yourself and any partners you might be with and as long as you are carefull not to hurt yourself or your partners. IE: safer sex. it is by experimenting that we learn who we are, what we like and just as importantly what we don't like. and that leads us to who we love, including loving/accepting ourselves.

    i get from your posts that you have a strong, but maybe conflicted Moral Compass. thats perfectly OK. self questioning leads us to self enlightenment and sefl acceptance.

    i would suggest that when projecting morality be mindful that not everyone will be as you are.

    getting back to acceptance, acknowledgement is not the same as acceptance; either others acknowledgement/accpetance of us and ours of ourselves or others. it can take time to get there, sometimes a long time.


    best of luck on your journey.