Any good ways to explore your sexuality/romantic orientation?

Hi everyone-

So for a few months now I've been actively questioning my sexual/romantic orientation. I've read a lot of posts about how to reliably find out what it is, but to be honest none of them really have worked out for me.

The problem is, I always have these doubts in my mind, no matter how sure I am about my orientation part of me will question it and then I'm back to square one. I'm pretty sure I'm not straight but part of my brain continues questioning that with a myriad of doubts-has anybody else had that? It's pretty unsettling and upsetting. :bang:

Anyways, any good ways to explore and understand your orientation? I've read posts about asking yourself questions eg which gender are you more attracted to, who do you check out more in public, who would you imagine spending the rest of your life with etc, but there are so many biases and doubts in my mind asking myself those questions are usually pretty unreliable for me. I've also read that watching heterosexual or homosexual couples make out, etc, isn't always reliable either because no matter what orientation you are you can still get turned on by something, even if it doesn't match your orientation.

So what should I do to be more certain who I am? Any ideas? Thanks

 

Thanks for some of the suggestions

Honestly it's just difficult for me to consciously pay attention to my subconscious, or analyze my emotions and where my attention goes in a movie scene, etc, but I do try. I just think that the more I attempt to notice what's going on, the more confused I get about it. I think like a lot of people, I just begin to over analyze and it sort of gets messy ahaha *sheepish shrug*

The thing is I've had crushes on both girls and guys in the past, but the strongest I ever had was on a girl. I don't form crushes easily (I've only had like three or four genuine ones in the past), and I can never tell the context of it. Like I know I've liked a guy once because all my friends around me expected me to start dating guys, so by this point analyzing my past is futile as well, because of varying factors that affect the situation, which I won't elaborate too much on because there were too many.

I guess on Tumblr girl/girl posts make me feel happier or more emotionally invested and interested than girl/guy ones, but it depends. I usually (but not always) have this apathetic acceptance to heterosexual relationships in stories and books but I'm more invested with lesbian relationships in books and shows, but that may just be because there are so many stories centered around heterosexual relationships that even straight people may get bored of it sometimes, though I'm really not sure so

So yeah, now I'm just wondering if there are any other ways to be more clear about my orientation. I know people say that labels are really just labels, but I guess it would be nice to know what I want, and not just what society wants for me.

 

Thanks everyone, and

@Really I definitely understand, sometimes thinking about relationships doesn't help me because I'm not sure exactly how I feel about it, and at times it's really difficult for me to imagine it. Thank you though, I think my mind just needs a rather long time to fully process everything.

and @Crossroad

hope you are able to figure it out soon and be content with what you find Yeah, I suppose there's just so much to take in it feels surreal.

Sometimes there are times where I finally sort of go, "yes, I'm lesbian. I like women." And I feel so much relief when I think that that it makes me feel that it's probably who I am. But moments later the doubts come back and I'm sort of thrown back into unease and confusion again, it gets pretty irritating.

Aha sometimes I wish there was some really clear cut method to know for certain but I guess all in our own paces I suppose.

Is there anyone who has found some methods to explore their orientation? I mean different methods work for different people, and some people just go by instinct and thinking things through on their own, etc. I guess it's different for everybody but I guess we all at the end of the day just want to know who we are and be happy with it.

 

Hmm I understand where you're coming from and I know that this helps some people figure out their attraction. I guess the thing is sometimes I find that personally, depending on context, I theoretically could get turned on by anything sexual, especially if (and apologies to anyone if this is TMI) I haven't gotten off in a while. In the end it's just simply who I am attracted more to and would actually want to have sex with, if that makes sense.

Like for me at least personally I'm put off by dicks and no matter how much my mind tries to rationalize this as anything other than "I am lesbian," I'm thinking more and more that at the end of the day it's just because that I'm not attracted to men or the thought of having sex with guys. I mean, before I knew that it was an option to have sex with women, and before I knew how it even worked, I did have occasional fantasies about guys, but never really below the waist. And if it was sexual in nature, I was never the one performing the act on the guy.

So I don't know. I guess it's a tough time for me because I'm at this point where I'm maybe nearly ready to accept who I am, but my mind will throw anything and everything at me to try and prove that I'm not gay, maybe it's something else, etc, etc. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels/felt this way though. It just gets extremely unsettling in a way when one part of your mind tries again and again to invalidate what you want and who you are with a myriad of excuses *confused grimace*

 

I totally understand. Even when I have periods of time when I completely accept the fact I like women, sometimes I stop in the middle of the street even and my mind goes, "this is totally surreal. This really can't be real." It would freak me out too, haha.

True, I guess I should just relax and go date who I want to date. I suppose it's far more difficult than finding a straight relationship but I guess I might as well just go out and make friends and see what happens.

And @Really yeah, the entire journey seems pretty scary for me. But I guess I can't always deny this, oh well. Good luck though

Yes I have The quote I have on my signature is from the show. In fact it was one (but definitely not the first) of the first things that made me really start wondering about my sexuality. I got really really invested in Alex and Piper and soon pieces of the puzzle in my mind started falling together if you know what I mean.

I pondered that I was bisexual for a while. I'm definitely not against the idea but I found that using it doesn't fit me as well as "lesbian but biromantic" does. The thing is I tried seeing if using bisexual would fit for me, but there was always something that nagged me when I tried to use it- and I realized it was that I just wasn't at all interested in having sex with a man. I tried to convince myself that just because I had fantasies before meant that I could sleep with a guy, but I was never happy or comfortable with the idea. Before I even started questioning my sexuality, I grew up never even knowing it was an option to be with a women. I thought every women was with a man because that was what I was taught, and therefore I thought that every women had sex with men and there was no other option for me. So I only let myself think about guys until I realized that was not what I wanted, so. Then my fantasies were primarily women from then on, after I knew it was possible.

I'll keep thinking about it though Who knows, maybe I'll realize that I am bisexual, I guess at the moment I'm pretty open to anything?