Hey guys, I hope you are all doing well! If you guys remember some of my threads, I have been having a tough time accepting my sexuality because of religion - But now, I'm starting to dislike it for other reasons... I really am starting to dislike my sexuality because it's just too different... My sexual and romantic orientation with both sexes don't match - I'm really romantically attracted to guys, but I never want to have sex with any of them. I have lots of sexual/physical attraction towards girls, but I'm demi-romantic with them and it takes time to form a bond with one in order to start liking them (I have a few exceptions to that though). I know it doesn't matter so much since I have a gf now that I like, but I still don't feel like I have enough "gayness" or whatever to call myself bi. I mean, I truly believe I am bi, but I know that if I tell people in real life, they won't believe me. Some will think I'm just straight and then, if I tell a person I don't want to have sex with guys, they'll think I'm a full blown lesbian because of that, which is not the case. Part of me not wanting to have sex with guys at all is just fear of that, but I also don't find guys sexy, like no guy has ever made me want to have sexual relationships with them - Even when I become an adult and grown up, I don't think I'll ever change my perspective. But yes, I really don't like how different and complex this is... I would rather just be a plain bisexual with sexual attraction to BOTH genders and emotional attraction to both genders being 50/50, without being demi at all - Or better yet, I rather be just one or the others. I still don't think I'll fit anywhere. I see myself as bi, but I'm so scared society won't believe me so I don't feel accepted into the bi community... I don't think I'm the proper bisexual - I'm not 50/50 attracted the same way to both... It's been bothering me so much... Am I really bi? Do I fit into the bi label? I mean, just, how do you not care about what people will think of your sexuality? Ever since I questioned myself, it's been this huge battle between religion and figuring out who I am and then once I figured it out, I just don't seem to fit anywhere and it's been getting to me to the point I'm trying to suppress my feelings again for both and I almost wish I had attraction for neither gender... I'm constantly rethinking my sexuality and I just feel that my sexuality is too different to be considered an actual sexuality and I see myself bi more than anything, but I just don't think I'll be accepted...
For me what really counts is love! Your sexuality is a bit flexible.you dont need to label yourself. Just be with the person who you love and stop worring what the others will say.you are made perfect!
I can relate to your feelings of frustration. I get romantic crushes on both men and women, but I only seem to desire women sexually. I've been calling myself a lesbian, here and in my head, but I also have a lot of worry and doubt that it may not be "correct" or it might give the wrong impression. I think Markosss is right when he says you have to try not to worry so much about what others are going to say. As far as demi-romantic... I find that a little confusing, can you explain exactly what that means? I mean.. I feel like for me and for many people romantic feelings take time to develop. How is it different from that? And regarding bisexuality being 50/50... yeah, some bisexuals are that way, but many aren't, and it's ok to have a preference toward one gender or the other and still call yourself bisexual, so long as you are still indeed attracted to both. Also, I seriously doubt people will question your "gayness" if you are currently dating a woman. If they do, they really aren't worth listening to.
Aww, thank you so much, this means a lot! You are right, I will keep trying not to think about what others say, but it will be hard - However, your comment made me feel a lot better! You are made perfect too ---------- Post added 28th Jul 2014 at 10:30 AM ---------- Well, with demi-romantic, I can't just look at a woman, like in the media for example - Sometimes, even if she hot, I still can't like her in a romantic way (though again, there are a few exceptions) - Like I can appreciate her aesthetically, but there is not like an infatuation or a crush on her. However, SOMETIMES, I can look at a guy who is cute and feel a little something right away (that may have something to do with liking guys a little bit more romantically), but it doesn't last for very long at all and I normally forget about the guy once I cut off the TV or leave the store (if I see a cute guy there) and stuff. But even with my attraction for both combined, I still don't form like crushes on celebrities or hot people on TV (unless I have a bond with one of the characters) or even in real life like other people can. Like, other people can just look at a hot person of the sex(es) they are attracted to and have a crush on them right away... I, however, can't for most of the time. Is this the same for you because I would really like to know - If it's the same for you, then I might not be as demi-romantic as I thought I would be. And I know you can have preferences, but I know how people tend to just call people who may prefer the opposite sex a little more "straight", but that's not who I am. Thank you so much for your feedback, I hope you can sort things out with your label too - I think identifying how you feel is good (though I'm obviously insecure on that when it comes to myself lol xD)
I find sexuality really confusing a lot of the time. I identify as bisexual but I lean more to men sexually, romantically I can see myself with both sexes. I have no idea how to help, but I noticed that you are still a teen. When I was under 18, I didn't like sex with men at all, I had a strong romantic need for guys but sexually I hated it. Then I met a guy who turned everything around for me. In my eyes he was the sexiest man ever and after him I turned into a lustful maniac lol and I still am. I'm not saying this will happen to you, just saying that maybe it just takes time for people to develop and get to know themselves. Also, what about just not labelling yourself and just doing what you want?
Bisexuality is rarely 50/50 attraction to both sexes so you shouldn't feel bad if you're not a 50/50 bisexual.
Well, bear in mind I'm not totally sure what my label should be, either, but here's my take regarding celebrity crushes. I guess with celebrities I definitely can have a sexual attraction instantly. Romantic attraction is more like.. if I like a character I may develop a romantic crush, or if I find out more about a celebrity that makes me like her it'll be sort of a romantic crush. For example, I have a small crush on Jasika Nicole from Fringe, because I find both her and her character adorable, she draws comics, has an autistic sister who she clearly empathizes with, and, she's gay. I don't obsess over her, but it does make me smile to think about her . More often I might crush on a character in a show, though, since you see more of them and their personality. Like, I've got a bit of a romantic crush on Oz from Buffy because he's so cute and monosyllabic. And I miiight have a huge crush on Elsa from Frozen (if that was not obvious, haha). Does that make sense? I see what you mean, about people calling "straighter" bisexuals straight, and I think the same thing might happen for bisexuals who lean toward the gay side (being called gay, that is). But you know who you are and who you're attracted to better than anyone else would, and if you're attracted to both men and women you should feel free to call yourself bi! It doesn't matter if you're attracted to them 50/50 or 25/75, or whatever, that's still bisexual if that is how you view yourself.
Hey there, bisexualkpopfan! You say that some won't believe it when you say you're bisexual. That doesn't mean you don't fit the label! I feel there are a lot of misconceptions about bisexuals. They are either confused, straight, or gay. Even some gay people think bisexuality does not exist. Thus, no matter whether you fit your label or not, there will always be people telling you it's wrong. Don't let them define you. You are yourself. (*hug*)
Many people think I am not a lesbian because I look feminine hasn't stop me from calling myself a lesbian just because most people think lesbians are fat and ugly and where manly clothing .
This is a good response, imo. Just be present with how you feel in the moment. If you think too much about it, if you try to work it all out in a rational way, to try to find some clear and neat label so you can have more of a sense of order about it - that just seems to cause stress for you. Just be with the one you love, whoever that may be - and enjoy their company. (I'm new to all this myself, but that's what comes to my mind.) And despite me not being of the same faith, let me put it in those terms also: you can't help how you've been made, don't argue with the Boss :icon_bigg, try to accept the apparent complexity as part of the rich and varied diversity that is human sexuality! I mean if we look around Nature is incredibly diverse in that regard, as are human beings...maybe it's meant to be like that?
Honey, you will be ok. There is no ''right'' bisexual. I am a bisexual woman who is dating a bisexual man. Neither of us are 50-50. I am slightly more attracted to men but I can be just as comfortable being with a woman as a man all depends on the person I am with at the time if we click or not. My boyfriend is more comfortable being in relationships with women but is more sexually attracted to men. And his bedroom preferences made me uneasy until I got some advice and support here. Now we are doing great! I agree with the people who say don't worry about labels! It's not that important to label yourself. Bisexuals (and just people in general) don't fit into a box. Also, you are young. Just enjoy life right now and don't worry about the other stuff. It will all fall in place for you in time.
