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Could I just be gay?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by iwonderoften, Jul 27, 2014.

  1. iwonderoften

    iwonderoften Guest

    Hello,

    I'm new here. I'm really having such a conflict with my sexuality. For the longest time, I've always been attracted to men. I stopped watching porn, but when I would, I would watch mostly gay porn, attracted to lot's of guys, and I've had very deep feelings for a maybe one or two friends in the past. More so than anything, if there was ever had the "one" in my life, I've always, though I've been ashamed to admit that until recently, have imagined the one to be a man.

    However, I'm attracted to women too. The strange thing, is every time I keep telling myself, "oh, stop it, you're just denying the fact that you're gay," and I say okay, accept it and I consider coming out. However, I really do feel an attraction towards women. I've had erections around women. I also, while not as much as gay porn, watched a lot of straight and lesbian porn too. I usually just have these moments where I'm like, "oh I'm always so focused on men, I forgot I'm attracted to women too."

    I feel like porn screwed me over a lot, because while I was wasting all of my time masturbating and watching gay porn, and fantasizing about men, and confusing a lot of sexual feelings for romantic attraction, I was pursuing my lust for a sexual relationship with a man, which has 1) failed 2) has really blunted my interest in women.

    It's hard. I really do want a relationship with a man, but if I were to find "the one" right now and they are a man, I'd feel like I'd miss out on something. I also, while in fantasy land, would like to be with a man, in real life, I can't actually picture myself with another man. Maybe, it's just because society is so heteronormative, I don't know. I've also liked a fair share of women, but the sexual attraction wasn't nearly as strong as it would be for guys.

    A lot of times I think to myself, I'm bisexual who's more oriented towards men, but I could also just be straight and screwed over by porn. And while that may be the case, I really want to come out. But that's even more complicated, because I don't want to come out and feel like I'm lying to myself or to confuse people. I'm also ok with my sexuality (whatever it maybe), I just don't want to label myself, and I've had a hard time trying to "come out" because I just don't want to be mistaken. I also feel like it's not something that needs to be broadcasted to the world. But it's hard, because I haven't done any dating or anything sexual, and I feel like not coming out is keeping that from happening. You know? I don't know. Any advice on, anything really?
     
  2. Skov

    Full Member

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    Hi there,

    I can sort of relate to your story. When I first realized I was attracted to guys, I hadn't figured out if I was still attracted to women or not. For me, I eventually came to the conclusion that I was not attracted to women, and just convinced myself I was beforehand because society is super heteronormative.

    I'm not going to try to label you, but my thoughts are that you most likely aren't straight. When I came out to people while I was still figuring stuff out, I would just say, "I'm not straight," or, "I am attracted to guys." You don't owe anyone an explanation. I'm sure that, with time, things will become more clear
     
  3. Damien

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    Hi iwonderoften,

    yea porn 'screwed me over' as well, and I'm actually feeling greatly relieved to no longer be looking at it, at all. I did straight porn for years to the point of addiction, then a few months back started on gay porn (and gave that a pretty intense working over as well), but lately my desire for any porn at all has faded to zero. I didn't think this was possible, but I'm finally sick of porn. It is dead to me now. I now feel like I have 'no option' left but to actually go out and meet real people, go out on dates, etc. This is a more realistic way to find out about one's orientation, I believe. Because porn is just unrealistically 'perfect' imagery, divorced from any human warmth, relationship, conversation, or, to be direct about it, pheromones. Really, an image is no substitute for a living, breathing human being. So I might suggest to stop letting porn screw you over, and start meeting a few people, strike up a friendship maybe, see if it deepens to something more...that's what I'm trying to do now, in this 'post-porn' world I find myself in.
     
    #3 Damien, Jul 27, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2014