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I Feel Like My Orientation Keeps Changing

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by femmesday, Jul 28, 2014.

  1. femmesday

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    I always thought I was straight, seeing as I was definitely sexually and romantically attracted to men. But I also thought women were attracted. That's normal, right? The media sexualizes woman to a degree that I figured it was fine to find woman attractive and to have wet dreams about girls. And that's all it was for years. Then in college after I ended a serious three-year relationship, I fell in love with my friend Rachel. But I couldn't put those words on it. It was only a feeling. And I didn't admit it to myself until after she killed herself. That's the straw it took for me to admit I wasn't straight.

    But I thought I was mostly straight and only wanted to sleep with woman. At first I could only imagine kissing. Then I pictured woman going down on me. Then I imagined myself going down on another woman. But I couldn't picture a relationship.

    So I told three people I was bi. The first guy I came out to I started seeing. But the sex was non-existent apart from him going down on me. I would picture Kate Moennig, Samira Wiley or girls from kpop groups instead of him. While he was away for a two week vacation I was able to finally imagine a relationship with another woman. And now I crave it. I barely find myself attracted to men anymore, although I'm obviously not attracted to every woman I run into, either.

    I want to start dating women but I currently live at home with only one family car, so being able to get out is difficult. The only times I do get out is when this guy comes to pick me up. But just kissing him feels wrong now. When my family mentions his name and how much I "like him," I want to puke from nerves. I can't come out to my family. And I don't know how to meet women. And I think I'm much more gay than I am bisexual.

    This is all new to me. It took me much longer than some people to be honest with myself. Is there anyone else who it took years to come to terms with their orientation? I feel sort of lost...
     
  2. Chiroptera

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    Hello.

    Bissexuals aren't always 50/50. You may be 80% attracted to women and 20% to men, and you will still be considered bissexual.

    However, it seems to me that labels are confusing you. Don't worry about them if this is right. You are attracted to whoever you are attracted, and that's fine. You don't need to decide if you are gay or bi immediatelly, in fact you don't need to worry about labels if you never want to.
    I'm 20, and i discovered i wasn't straight in the beginning of this year. I always liked both men and women, but, like you, i thought at first it was just a fantasy. I was wrong, and now i am on a gay relationship, and really happy with it :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Don't worry about the time either. Some people just take longer to realize it. No one is rushing you, take your time.
     
  3. Quem

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    Hey there! I think Chiroptera did a really good job helping you, so there's not that much left for me to say. :icon_bigg

    There are a few things I want to say:

    - That's normal, right?
    I'm still not sure about this! I also thought that having some sort of attraction towards guys is normal, when you are a guy, but some seem to dissagree on that matter. Like, a lot. They even get angry when I bring it up. It doesn't really matter I think.. Be happy and go with it. (*hug*)

    - I barely find myself attracted to men anymore, although I'm obviously not attracted to every woman I run into, either.
    For me, it's a little complicated too. See, I'm not really attracted to anyone at first. For me, it takes some time to get used to a person.. When I know the person, I can feel 'some' attraction.

    It might be the same for you with a man. Meaning that you can be easily attracted to a female, but you can also get attracted to a man.

    And you're obviously not attracted to every woman you run into. :lol:

    - Is there anyone else who it took years to come to terms with their orientation?

    For me, I always knew who I was and didn't have a problem with it. But I did find it very difficult to pick the right label. Simply saying bi does not describe me.

    Simply picking a label does not describe anyone, for that matter. It's a label. If you feel like your more into girls, then you are. You don't need to find the labels that suit you. You are you. (*hug*)

    Good luck and take care!
     
  4. Damien

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    Hey, I'm 45 and I only just accepted this a few months back! I don't think you have taken much time to realize it at all...

    I can relate to the feeling of orientation shifting. I've decided not to bother with labelling myself. Right now, how do I feel? I am attracted to both guys and girls, but I really am so curious about being with a guy, for the last few months it's been an increasing longing. I don't know if my desire to be with a woman will return or not, but that doesn't matter, really... I'm choosing to take things a day at time. I'm not in a hurry to accept a label.

    Don't worry if it seems fluid, this is my experience and so I've read, of others also. Sexuality isn't the fixed and permanent thing it has been made out to be. Just be tuned in to how you are feeling in the present, and if that's for women, then go with that. :slight_smile: It's all ok in any case.

    There are gay / lesbian meetup groups around, I know there are some in my city...maybe try to find one in yours? Just meeting some others who feel as you do, might be good...I'm working on this myself right now, actually...

    May you be well, and enjoy the unfolding adventure of self-discovery :slight_smile:
     
    #4 Damien, Jul 28, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2014
  5. stocking

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    it didn't take me til age 25 to realize I 'm lesbian ;It takes people a while .
     
  6. lovely lesbian

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    I didn't realise i was a lesbian till i was 27