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This is what labeling does to people

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by amb182, Jul 31, 2014.

  1. amb182

    Regular Member

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    My story is kinda different I basically think about my sexuality 24/7 im starting to think i am a bi sexual.. but it feels weird saying that because people act like bi sexuals don't exists i dont know i think about it everyday i honestly just woke up and the thoughts started running threw my brain it feels un healthy.. Basically I have watch enough gay porn in my life for me to feel like its impossible for me to be straight I had alot of gay fantasies when i was 13 but i mean i think of girls mostly i start to think "Was it just a phase?" but in reality i basically masturbate to anything but i need my hand to help me out no matter what im watching. So i decided to stop testing myself with porn and just use thoughts in my head which are geared towards girls. so basically ive made out with a lot of girls and got erections. ive been sexually active with my current girl friend for 5 months of are relationship shes given me head idk 10 plus times a few hand jobs had sex 3 times idk i just have been able to cum when we do things and i get off while dry humping sometimes. Well basically me and my girl friend broke up for a bit so i went to go have sex with a different girl and idk i could stop thinking about my sexuality and my girlfriend and just everything and i couldnt get it up to anything me and her did idk it just didnt feel right with her i didnt really think she was attractive but basically this destroyed me this felt like the big defining moment and i thought "well im gay" so i called a lot of help lines i was feeling kinda like i dont want to live anymore well i talked to this lady and told her pretty much every detail there was about me and her response was "a lot of gay people watch straight porn & a lot of straight people watch gay porn. other than porn you dont seem like you are gay you seem like you have a lot more going on then just sexuality you seem to obsess over this and have a lot of anxiety" so well i felt better then i started thinking "well what would i do with a guy" i think i would try oral aha and kissing because i feel like that would help me finally figure out if i like men or not but i honestly think about it and idk it just doesn't feel right like eh no. so then i saw my girlfriend a couple days ago and well she was on her period so we couldn't have sex but she gave me a blow job i got off then we dry humped and i had this orgasmic sensation but i didnt see and cum in my underwear. basically i dont think im in denial or anything ive been really depressed and asked if i could see a therapist ive been sitting in my room all summer wondering who i am. My parents asked me what was wrong and i basically told them "i do not know if i am gay" that was it i didnt feel bad or anything my father told me about how he felt about "homos" i didnt really phase me i didnt feel hurt or angry that made me wonder "maybe this means im not gay?" i feel like i would have had a lot more of a reaction when he said that but idk basically ive looked over my whole life and thought bi sexual? I told my girl friend i think i might be bi, and a couple friends but i turned it around and said nah im just confused. i was going to do stuff with this one guy and we talked and it sounded fun but when the day came i said "i dont think im gay i dont really want to do this" so im not sure i told my mom before i went to go see my girlfriend "I just kind off accepted im attracted to both" my aunt came over yesterday i said "idk i feel like im attracted to both but people dont think bi sexuality exists in guys and that makes it more confusing" basically the problem with the lable is basically bi now gay later im scared that i will do that ill come out as bi then later say im gay or come out as bi then later realize im straight and basically the only thing leading me to believe im gay/bi are thoughts i use to have and gay porn. basically if i were to tell you everything else i would seem straight. im seeing a therapist soon to help me sort this out but i mean i need a little advice from you guys. the lgbtq community has been really good to me and i understand what you guys go threw in your minds at least and the hetro world. i mean everything about me is kinda in the middle as far as my gender identity like im not girly but im not masculine i love sports and compitition but i always like art and choir idk im scared to say im bi sexual i dont want to say im anything until i know but that seems like something i might be.
     
  2. Lucaaa

    Regular Member

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    It is totally normal and ok to be questioning your sexuality! Some people do it for days, others for years. I think it boils down to how well you can discard the shame that society has placed upon you and accept yourself. The therapist will help you with that if they're good.

    And anyway, you don't have to come out to anyone if you don't feel comfortable with yourself.

    Bisexuality most certainly exists in men. There was an old study done "proving" that men can't be bi, but it's been debunked by a more recent study. If I weren't on my tablet I'd try to find links to them :frowning2:
     
  3. stocking

    stocking Guest

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    I don't think labels are the problem I think people's ignorance on bisexuality that's the problem . You don't have to come out unless you want to like the other person said , just take your time and do it when your ready .

    The reason people like to think bisexual men don't exist is because the thought of men being bisexual scares them , it scares some straight women and straight men and what scares them about a bisexual man is that with them they can't tell who is straight or not plus the whole men must be straight to be macho thing . I'm not even a bi man and I can't stand people who say stuff like that . ]
     
    #3 stocking, Aug 1, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2014