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Should I meet a guy from the internet, while in relationship? (BiCurious)

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by aidsan, Jul 31, 2014.

  1. aidsan

    Regular Member

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    I am a guy who has been in a straight relationship for 8 years (we have a child together). I am currently 23 and lately I been really curious about experimenting with guys.

    My curiosity grew a year ago when me and my girlfriend were on a relationship breakup ( we had argued a lot and we ended up calling it a break) and during our breakup
    I spent lots of time skyping with men online and looking at guynguy porn(Interested in being a bottm). Our breakup lasted a month and I never did anything with a guy but she was romantically involved with a guy during our break( Did Nothing Sexual). Anyways, the past is the past, we worked out or fights and she stopped talking to the guy. It has been a year since that and my interest in guynguy stuff has grown. Particularly, because my girlfriend is no interested in fetishes and is not a fan of sex. So in my mind I justify meeting a stranger online to fulfill my fetishes. (Particularly bondage, feet, Dom/Sub play)

    Anyways, I ended up doing a post on the infamous C-List just to see what was out there and I received a message from an older guy (about 55) who is a former professor and just happens to live two blocks from my home. (He gave me his address) We talked a bit online and he seems understanding and in no rush to move things fast during the meet up and says he is clean & will be discreet. As well as, when we talk he sure can excite me on what he would do to me. So it has been 3 days of talk (not constant just every now and then) and my mind keeps giving me mixed signals,

    Part of me wants to hook up this one time and my mind saying that it will be thrilling and exciting. & that my current will never be interested in my fetishes and if we will be together longer I will never get the chance as I age. & then my mind justifies it because she had a romantic relation ship with another person.

    The other part tells me not to and think about my family, and what if he is not clean as he states. & that my girlfriend did nothing sexual but make out.

    Also I think about if i will regret it afterwards. (Which happens when I "Finish off" looking at gay vids online)

    So it will soon be 4 days and I keep making excuses to the guy saying cant make it today (tell my self not to go) and during the night (regret post-pone) I think about the messages describing how he will use me and it sounds exciting.

    So I really need some help because its affecting my day to day thinking, how do I get rid of these craving and fantasies? I am sure most will say do not do it and that is fine I just need reassurance and someone to talk to on how I can meet my fantasies... My girlfriend thinks my fantasies are weird and gross so I feel stuck really, that I will never be able to experience those thoughts. I do not know why my thoughts have been so strong the last couple months :frowning2: :help: :help:
     
  2. Nychthemeron

    Full Member

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    I'm sorry that she's not supportive of your fantasies, but I strongly suggest that you talk it out with your girlfriend first, if you choose to go through it.

    Have you tried masturbation toys? Not too educated in that area, sorry, but it's something to think about at least.
     
  3. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    There are a couple of issues here.

    First, there's the age difference. This guy is old enough to be your father. If you're trying to get a sense of what a healthy hookup with a guy is, this ain't it.

    Second, the best suggestion I can offer in these cases is to consider what would happen if the roles were reversed. How would you feel if your wife decided to go hook up right under your nose? Wouldn't you feel seriously hurt and betrayed?

    As for rationallizations, there's a big difference between hooking up while you're both "on a break" and while you're in the relationship, which you are now. And sorry, but the comparison between pursuing a sexual fetish with your partner vs hooking up with another person is just a rationalization.

    So as much as I understand the desire here, if you're going to have any integrity and authenticity in your relationship, you need to talk to your wife and it sounds like you are probably moving in the direction of ending the marriage because you don't sound straight or even bi at this point. So you owe it to your wife and to yourself to get out of the relationship that isn't working and give both of you the opportunity to find people who are, hopefully, close to your own ages and who will love you honestly and fully for who you are.