Ever since my childhood I've've always had crushes on girls and never knew it because i was too young to even understand it,when you become a teenager everyone discovers themselves and hormones start raging,I'm'm talking girls grinding on boys at parties ,talking about their boyfriends and so on,i never had an interest in this I'm from Nigeria,so realise that i thought i was obligated to be with boys,no one even brings it up,so i never thought about it. In my teens i started realising how this would be impossible,i thought maybe I'll understand love for boys when i'm older but it never happened but i do understand love,liking somebody,wanting to be with that person.Anytime a boy liked me i'd tell him i didn't want to be in a relationship at the moment,i went on a date once with an above average looking boy ,i liked him in a sense of friendship so i thought maybe this was how it felt like,it seemed like how you feel around your best friend because we liked the same things,you could almost see his excitement to be on the date,i felt indifferent,he held my hand,it was the most uncomfortable experience ever,it felt like we were stopping being friends and i couldn't handle that,i was soo uncomfortable. I remember one time first year of high school i was like 11(it was a boarding school) i was playing with my female friend ,she got really close to me in like a cuddly way and it felt not horrible,she told me it was ok if i liked her,but she didn't feel the same way,i was 11 so i had no idea what she was talking about but for some reason i felt hurt,i didn't know why ,this was years before i'd ever even really know what a gay person was,i saw boys in school call others gay but i thought it was just a man that acted like a woman,now i know better,it was really hard to imagine people felt the same way i do.I don't think i've ever found boys attractive,i can recognise beauty when i see it in men but that's about it.:help:
I can't tell you if you are a lesbian or not, you must explore it for yourself. No one can and should define you but yourself. From the things you said I can only assume you are because you felt uncomfortable being on a date with a boy. Personally, I've known I was gay for quite some time but I refused to admit it to myself so I feel your pain. If you have any questions, if you want an advice or just chat, feel free to post on my wall. It's good that you're here. Everyone is helping each other here.
You are at least questioning and if you feel more attracted to girls and not so much with guys, you are at least Bi, if not lesbian. Your own label is up to you. Try dating a girl and see how you feel. If you are gay, you will feel it is natural and you will want to date more girls.
