I am 21 years old. I am in a relationship with a boy and I find myself looking for a way out despite the fact that he is a great guy and everything I thought I was looking for. Dont get me wrong, he is a great friend and I enjoy my time with him. I find our sex life lacking for me, he is head over heals for me and I dont want to hurt him. I dont find myself finding I that I want to be with any other guys ether. Whenever I daydream I find my self thinking of women, even reading Fifty Shades of Grey, during the hot sex scenes, I would imagine a woman, me with a woman. Ive thought of several women over the years. But ive never had a crush like the one I have now. My best friend is straight and I cant stop myself from thinking about her, she is my reoccurring dream for almost the past year. I think so much about confronting my fears of upturning my life and coming out that I have nightmares about it. Even if I do come out, how can I tell her that I want to be with her? I would never want to risk my friendship with her. And what if she wants to try with me, not that I think she would, and I find that all my thoughts and dreams and were wrong? What if Im not actually a lesbian but its my imagination running wild. Im scarred shitless about sex too, but thats not my main concern right now. I know there are a lot of "What ifs" here. And several people's emotions at stake. Im so unsure what to do...
I honestly think that you may be over-thinking this just a little. It doesn't sound like you're entirely straight, so I think, before you come out, you should get a foothold on your feelings. Alternatively, you can come out as questioning, but if someone says, "So you're lesbian?" it may make you REALLY frustrated if you're not - you might be bisexual, or something else. Dreams, day or not, are actually a pretty good indicator about your sexuality. Think about actually going out with a woman in real life. Forget the perfect world you made - think about her personality, think about getting married to her, think about living with her, sleeping with her, waking up next to her. Don't just think about sex. Think about her in reality. It should feel different from daydreams (unless you daydream about reality :lol, but that's only because you're aware that people will know. The relationship is now tangible. You can progress your life with a woman - or you don't have to. It makes it real. By thinking about this, it might help you sort out your feelings more. Who (gender) do you want to get married to? Live with? Grow older with? Kiss? Have sex? Or maybe you don't want to do any of these things? Stuff like that. Best of luck.
