Hi. My name is Jerry, I am 24 years old. I've been looking at guys since I was in middle school. Through out then I had this fear that these thoughts were bad. I rejected the thoughts, going as far as hating homosexuals and whatnot. Through out high school as well.. But even so.. I've always stared at guys and in the changing room, waiting for them to get shirtless just to see there bodies.. While at the same time telling myself "I am just staring it's nothing to be gay about" even though I liked it. A few years later passed by, I would look at straight poem but wouldn't focus my attention at the girls. It would be the guys. Back then when I wasn't on SSRI my sex drive would be so high, that when I was in bed I wanted to dirty things to guys, it would all go through my mind. And I just was slowly coming to terms to myself "Mmm.. I am gay" slowly.. I mean in middle school I had a little crush on a girl I knew. But it was Dumb.. I never thought about doing dirty things to her.. Or kissing her. After that. I never had crush on any girl again. Ever. Lol I mean I can acknowledge that there is very pretty girls in highschool, but it's not like I wanted to date them or anything. There was guys that were nice, but they were not gay. I've always acknowledged them.. But didn't know i had crushes on them. I turned 22 and started watching gay porn, and I loved it and I did pleasure myself to it ALL THE time and I still do. Then started online dating Meeting other guys and such, and I even got to make out with one. And I liked it. I didn't feel bad about it I didn't regret it at all. Later on I started having and giving oral sex this friend of mine. Yes, I liked it and of course didn't regret it. At age 23 I lost my virginity to a guy. Again.. I didn't regret it.. Or felt disgusted. I felt right. I loved to cuddle afterwards. Now when I look at a guy down the street or whatever and find him cute I don't get "turned on" I mean is that how it works? Lol or is it because of my depression.. When you loose interest in things.. Could that be it? I am not sure.. ThE fact that I don't feel attracted sometimes to men just makes me question myself again. and it's been bothering me lately. I am not sure if you don't understand what I am saying. I am just typing what I am feeling. And I hope I could get some input from you guys. =] I am sorry I made this really long.
Hi Jerry, welcome to EC, It sounds like you might well be gay, with all your attention going towards guys, and none going to girls. Ultimately you'll have to determine it for yourself, but there's no rush to make a determination. Take your time as you continue to discover yourself, good luck. And if you have more questions, etc. feel free to post.
Heey, To me it seems you are gay. Congrats, you are awsome. And you don't have to get turned on when you see every cute guy. If you are gay it doesn't mean you are attracted to every man you see walking down the street. Homosexuals same as heterosexuals have preferences that 'gets' them, I guess. Ofource, it could be because of depression, low libido (I know it sucks lol) , but you didn't say much out it. So anyway, that's just how I see it, good luck for you !
Hi MyLittleWorld. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my post. It made me feel so much better . Yes, i suffer from depression, and take Anti depressants (Prozac) and as you probably know. SSRI's are known to cause low sex drive. But recently my meds are working at 100% and I am starting to feel depressed, i loosing interesting in some things. But I'll be fine, I'll have a talk with my doctor and get all this sorted out.
Hey, from the sounds of it you are probably gay. I'm on a lot of medicine too, and it effects my sex drive a lot.