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I suspect I might be pansexual

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Damien, Aug 3, 2014.

  1. Damien

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    Hello everyone sorry about posting so much lately, but I have so much happening in my inner world at present. I don't feel like 'bisexual' defines me anymore. I recently experienced attraction for a transwoman - I won't go into details but it has affected me somewhat - and I now feel like bisexual is too limiting a term to describe how I feel. I suspect I could feel attracted to a person of any sex or gender identification, if I felt a connection with that particular person; regardless of whether they identified as: male, female, transwoman, someone who was quite androgynous, and who knows maybe even a transman (I don't recall having encountered one as yet)... But I don't like labels, and I'm aware that 'pansexual' is yet another label, further complicating an already long list. Yet it is the term which best describes me, I suspect. But 'lgbt' refers to 'lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender', so where do folks who are 'pansexual' fit in, in terms of the umbrella term 'lgbt'? Are they even covered by the term 'lgbt'?

    thank you
     
    #1 Damien, Aug 3, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2014
  2. julianne

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    It sounds to me like you might be pansexual! I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself to identify as bi/pan though. They are very very similar and it's mainly just a matter of personal preference. I identified as pansexual for a while, but it became too difficult to explain to people so I've been coming out as bisexual recently. It's totally up to you.

    I normally used LGBTQ instead of LGBT. Pansexuals would fit into the queer part, I think. Either way, LGBT has become an umbrella term for all people who are not heterosexual or cisgendered. As long as you're not straight, you will be included in that term :slight_smile:

    Best of luck with everything!
     
  3. Wuggums47

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    Well, when I can I try to Say LGBTQ, you and me would fit under Q. Q stands for queer which is anything that isn't heterosexual and cisgendered. I'm pansexual, and I know what you mean about labels, I'm not a big fan of any label with the word "sexual" in it, so I just tell people I like any gender.
     
  4. Damien

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    Thanks for the reminder not to put pressure on myself to find a label. I guess I just want to end the ambiguity and be done with it, finally. So many folks here know what they are, but I'm still in this phase of discovery, in which yes it's new and exciting but, it means I have to live with uncertainty. So I will accept that, as we hear said so often, I don't have to rush to try to fit a label, it's not essential to be able to fit neatly into one right away...

    ---------- Post added 4th Aug 2014 at 04:11 AM ----------

    Thanks for explaining that, and I like it how you simply say that, you like persons of all genders and expressions. I feel afraid to say that in case folks think that I am basically attracted to every person on the planet...I know that's an irrational fear but I feel like that. I experience genuine attraction to someone only rarely. Just appreciating beauty is one thing, but to be attracted in the sense of 'want to make love to' is very rare. So it's completely untrue, even if someone did think it. But what if I get judged like that by some folks? In their ignorance they might have this idea that, since I can be attracted to any gender or sexual expression, that I'm some kind of 'floozie' or something.
     
    #4 Damien, Aug 3, 2014
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  5. Damien

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    I suddenly feel embarrassed about what I admitted here. I don't regret sharing it, because this Forum is the right place to do so, but I feel embarrassed and emotional all of a sudden, and kind of sad. I don't understand what is happening to me. I always thought I was straight. I like this world that I'm discovering, and in a way I should have known from certain little signs in my past, that I could feel attracted to any sex or gender. But I could not admit it back then, boy I must have been really good at suppressing things.

    There was this movie I was watching as a young man. In it, there was an actor, looked like David Bowie but I'm not sure, anyway the character looked really androgynous and was with a few others, and said "what does it matter if one feels attracted to a man, or to a woman, so long as one feels the attraction" or some words to that effect. I remember how I felt when I was watching that. It just hit home to me. I agreed with it. Yet still, for years after that I still identified as exclusively straight. If it is true about me, that I can feel attracted to any sex or gender orientation, am I the only one who was so repressive of it for so many years? Can someone really be so good at suppressing their own inner feelings? I think I really have cared far too much about what society thinks, through my whole life up until recently.
     
    #5 Damien, Aug 3, 2014
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  6. YaraNunchuck

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    Well, transwomen probably wouldn't want - rightly - for your attraction to one of them to be considered a necessarily queer attraction. They're women and want to pass as cis women in most cases, as I understand it, so really that incident counts as heterosexual attraction.
     
  7. Damien

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    They are indeed women, and I would both regard them and treat them as such, with all the respect and tenderness that I would any woman. But the thing is, back when I identified as straight, I would not have considered a transwoman as a potential girlfriend or life partner; but now, sexually liberated from the social mores that previously held sway over me, I would. This has more to do with me, than with them. I now don't mind at all that they were born with a male body, but have transitioned to female; now, I actually find it endearing and attractive. I don't think anyone will take offense at that. So I guess what I'm saying is that I've changed.
     
    #7 Damien, Aug 4, 2014
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