Questioning my sexuality

Hello,
I need some answers, and help if I can get it. I have had a long strange transformation in my sexuality and I hope that someone can offer some advice.

I started off with wanting to cross dress, cross dressing and attracted to men, in my cross dressing form I wanted to please men and have sex that way. But I still was attracted to women, when I wasn't cross dressing. I am 22 and I have a girlfriend, and we are still together. When I told her about the cross dressing she was into helping me and it worked for a short time. Then I stopped wanting that and I started to have just fantasies about the male self pleasing men. So I considered this and thought that I was bi. Then a few more months passed and my girlfriend and I are having trouble having sex, I however found myself thinking about men more and more and now I am wondering if I am gay.

This has put an awful strain on my girlfriend and myself. She moved in with me about 2 years ago, but she is staying with a friend right now until I can figure this all out. She is as understanding as someone can be in this situation. Saying that if I turn out bi still then I can have an open relationship with a man. But if I turn out gay then I am afraid our relationship might be over. Well in fact it will be, but how does one know? I have tried everything from looking at different styles of porn to using toys, I can't figure out if I am gay or bi. I find myself attracted to women in different styles of porn however I have read that it can just be my body reacting to a sexual situation rather then being attracted to the women in it.

Any advice at all would be fantastic, I just need an answer as soon as possible because I can't keep my girlfriend in limbo forever. I love her and I don't want to lose our relationship, the fact is I am hoping I am bi so I can keep onto her. But I know that if I am gay we can still be friends. Any ideas?

Thanks!

 

Wow, thank you for your responses! up until this point I felt pretty alone. I do love my girlfriend. I feel what I think is love. She is the only girlfriend and actually the only relationship I have ever had. We have been together for so long, and I knew I was attracted to men when we got together but I denied it at the time set it off as bi and never told her. But the problem is, recently in the past few months I have started to have attractions to men that I can't ignore anymore. I had never considered that possibility before. I have fantasies about having a boyfriend, what it would be like. I use toys to test but they arn't a good indicator. I do enjoy the way they make me feel though. and that is something.

 

Well honestly I am attracted to her, always have been, however she and I are not into the same kind of sex I suppose. She is very how you would describe normal sex. (missionary) or other positions to be exciting, for me though I enjoy a more detailed version, The one thing that has always been a prominent is female domination and "forced" cross-dressing (though I do enjoy doing that on my own still). With the "forced cross-dressing it is always the female making me please some guy. with the female domination she is always wearing a strapon. Unless I am thinking about licking her all over, She is okay with the stuff I like but doesn't like doing it much in the bedroom, I am okay with regular sex don't get me wrong, but my head is just swarming with all these other thoughts. So I guess to answer your question, yes I am attracted to her, I have been attracted to her for a long time, (since I was 14) and she is the only relationship I have ever had. Long story short, I want to meet a guy, I want to get myself some prescriptive and figure out if it is what I am thinking it will be. Toys can't really do much, and I just need to know,

 

Wow thank you Yeah she has said that if I turn out bi then she is completely understanding and is willing to have an open relationship. And that is what I hope to achieve. I am going to school in a couple of weeks and I hope to meet some guys there. But now comes the big question, I haven't dated...ever, my girl friend and I met online and were online until she moved out to move in with me. so all of my contact with her for so many years has been online. So any good dating advice? How to get a guy to notice me? I have a good sense of humor, or at least I hope I do. In fact even taking this step to make this forum is a huge thing for me, being outside my comfort zone and all that. so I want to thank everyone for being so kind to me.

 

Oh well thanks for trying It is hard to tell even if a man is gay or straight, I mean I think I can spot the straight ones, but I guess what I need to do is go to lgbt events and stuff. I am having some issues finding some though. Especially any close to me.

 

Yeah no kidding, I am hoping the lgbt thing at my school will help, my parents are willing to drive me to some all the way downtown (I have no car of my own though I do live on my own) and they are supportive, though they want me to have an answer about all this as badly as my girlfriend does. None of them will believe me until I try it with an actual guy and that could be awhile. But they want me to just go out and find one and know. I think I am probably bi, but then I still don't know until I have tried it you know, I can see myself falling in love with a man. I picture that really very clearly. But I just don't know, so I am putting a lot of pressure on myself to find one and fast, but how is that done?

 

Yeah that is true, and that is what I intend to do, 3 dates is usually the rule, I actually set up a dating profile on a website but I haven't gotten anything from it yet. I will do 3 dates, as long as I find a guy relatively soon that I think is what they care about. Thanks for the advice though!

---------- Post added 4th Aug 2014 at 11:23 PM ----------

Can I just say thank you Princess Danica for all your replies and help, it has boosted my confidence about all this a bit. Just wanted to say thanks

 

Well you have no lie there, I just had no confidence in doing any of this, this being my first attempt at trying to meet people of similar minds. I would love to be your friend because you have been really nice and gave me confidence that I wouldn't be shot down the minuet I put myself out there! so thanks for that

---------- Post added 4th Aug 2014 at 11:42 PM ----------

Thanks for the friend request btw

---------- Post added 4th Aug 2014 at 11:46 PM ----------

Also apparently I need one more post before I can post on my wall so hello here it is!

 

That is true, the other thing about my girl friend is she can go for months without sex and be okay. Not because she doesn't want me or anything like that but she is very cerebral. And has a lot of other things that she wants to do. Sex just isn't a priority to her. Not with me not with anyone really. Even if she were to meet someone else that someone else would find the same thing out about her. I do love her and that is why she is willing to have the open relationship because she knows that.

 

Defiantly not, if there is one thing I am is cautious, and we had this discussion, I might have forgotten that detail. I will, but she said that if I am bi, we can have an open relationship. If I am gay we can be best friends still and help each other out. But I have to figure out which one I am and the waiting for her is the hardest part. It is my fault for telling her about all this too early and I am mad at myself for that. I told her when I still didn't know I said I don't know if I am gay or bi. and that just screwed up a lot of things. The main thing is now if I think I am bi, she won't believe me until I try it with a guy and know because as you can tell I have been so back and forth. So I am trying to find someone quickly of course, but I still want to find the right someone, so I am in a difficult position right now, where I have pressure to find someone so I can know 100% and stop the waiting which is defiantly harder then knowing.

---------- Post added 5th Aug 2014 at 12:34 PM ----------

and thank you for your kind responses! all of this has been helping me out A LOT.