I got my first inkling when I was about 10. I asked a girl out (after a mate said she liked me), I felt really uncomfortable doing it, in fact I felt sick to my stomach. Then at around 13, I went to bed one night and the thought 'you're gay' popped in to my head. It terrified me, and I pushed the thought to the back of my head, but from then on, I think it weakened me mentally. Like, generally I feel submissive around other straight males - like I'm somehow inferior. This really annoys me, and it's made me bitter and kind of resentful. I don't tend to feel like this around females however, I do enjoy their company(although I can feel uncomfortable around single females, as they may take an interest in me). I tend not to (intentionally) flirt with women either. I don't know what the fear is, I guess I'm not interested in women. The thought of sex physically arouses me, but not mentally. I've had multiple sexual encounters with women, but they don't really get me going, it's more mechanical. Now, what confuses me even more, is that I've never had a male crush. I can admire a male body, but like I say it's more admiration in that, I would like that body. Although the male body evokes zero sexual response. I feel that this is due to nearly 20 years of thinking how I think I should think, rather than what I want to be thinking. I don't really watch porn, but it's always straight if I do. And like, I don't have a type of male body that I fancy. I've never had a gay experience of any sort, although I wouldn't rule out trying it. Strangely, I think I'd like to take rather than give during sex. I think I would like to be dominated - again I don't fantasise, It's sort of hard for me to convey these thoughts in to text, as my mind is constantly racing, it's like my mind is geared on emotion and thinks differently dependent on my mood. I'm trying to realise that if I'm so nervous with the concept of a sexual relationship with a woman, then I must be gay or asexual. I did settle with asexual - which I'm cool with. I'm going to see a psychiatrist, to see if they can help me. Maybe I am straight, but overthink too much. I know after a drink, I develop an alter ego whereby I go after women. Although that might be an attempt to tell me I'm straight. They say it take 10,000 hours of doing something to become a master of it ie piano, sports etc. I'm a master of worrying about myself, it's like I waste my life on it. Anyway, rant over. Ciao!
When I was ten I had a crush on a girl. I tried to ignore it as best as possible and told myself that if I was a boy I'd like her, but girls don't like girls so obviously I just liked her as a friend. When I was eleven I learned what bisexuality means on an online forum (I had a kindle with internet access) and, deep down, I knew it described me perfectly. I was horrified. Like, I actually remember getting physically sick to my stomach. I spent the next three years trying to turn myself straight, but in the end I ended up accepting myself.
It was pretty straightforward for me. I kinda said (around age 16), "Y'know, I could really fall in love with either a man or a woman...and if that happened, I'd want to reach a sexual level with that person. Huh, I guess that makes me bisexual." I have no clue where I first encountered that word...I'm a bit curious about that.
Well I never thought i was different, I just assumed all other girls felt the way I did. It wasn't until senior year of high school that I seriously considered that I might be different. It was two things that really got me wondering (1) I was completely confused when girls were obsessing over the Disney character Dmitri and the bearded guy who plays for the Giants, I didn't get what the big deal was. (2) I mentioned to my friend that I just wanted to go to a dance and be friends with my crush of 4 years. Needless to say she pretty surprised. It was then that I finally started to realize I liked girls.
When I got my first real job, there was a girl there I liked. I'd have dreams about making out with her and stuff, and at this point I wasn't even questioning whether I was gay. I was just like "oh, well that's just y'know... a dream". Then I thought about it more, not thinking it could actually be true. A couple of months later, and the thought in the back of my head was becoming more and more clear especially as I pictured my future and it wasn't with a guy, but a girl. Then when I allowed myself to have these thoughts, I'd start registering when I liked a girl, which is something I'd never let myself do before then. When I was under the assumption that I was straight, I'd never really thought much about dating anyone. Quite frankly, I didn't give a rat's ass whether or not I just lived alone for the rest of my life with a couple of dogs and a cat. Now that I've accepted myself, I honestly can't imagine that kind of lifestyle anymore.
When I first got a vibrator, I automatically thought of women. I was freaked for a while but slowly allowed myself to have thoughts about women, both romantic and sexual. When I thought of guys I didn't feel anything really in comparison. I should have seen it coming years before, though.
for me it's weird, to me at least. looking back i can see that there were signs that i buried deep and got real good at keeping down and ignoring. but last spring i saw this guy who was stunning and i just wanted to kiss the face off him :lol:. that gave me somethings to think about. later i saw him again and he was with his girlfriend and she was beautiful and i wanted them both, singly or together. well, i restrained myself both times:lol: but i went to get an extra large coffee and sit and think, and think and think. i shut out everyone around me for about 45 minutes and after that introspection i realized i was BI, i can be turned on by both male and female and i can see myself in a relationship with a guy, just coming out of a 24 year marriage so i know i can have a relationship with a woman. all in all its been a wild spring/summer mentally, emotionally........every way.
Well, I had a girlfriend. Life was cool, but then I started noticing men aswell as woman. When I told my gf she dumped me - Im not gonna make it sound cuddly, she slapped me round the face and thought I was gonna cheat with a man... - and I went back to normal life. I only REALLY noticed I was bisexual when a man accidently kissed me. I liked it. x
There were a few girls at my school at the start of the school year and up until then i was very VERY shy. A girl was assigned to sit next to me and my best friend at the time. Most of the class I was nervous and just took notes and whispered to my best friend. Then I turned to the new girl and she smiled at me. At that moment I knew that she was different somehow. I spent the rest of the class talking to her nonstop and told her to have lunch with us.
As long as I can remember I found females attractive, when my oldest brother would bring home his girlfriends I remember thinking how pretty they were. Then at about 12 I found myself being flirtatious with my female friends- thought nothing of it. A close guy friend asked me out and I said yes thinking that was expected of me. I couldn't do it, I found myself miserable within a few days - still wasn't sure on the why. And then I went to high school. I met this girl and the why became very obvious then. I knew I liked females and realized with out knowledge I had more or less fighting it.
